As I was sitting in my pharmacy practice tutorial this morning, trying not to fall asleep and having no idea what was going on, it crossed my mind that I don't really know where my life is headed at the moment. Well, maybe it's not a matter of *not knowing* where I'm headed, I have some vague idea, but more a matter of whether where I'm headed is what I really want.
I started this blog because I was feeling unmotivated to study for my exams at the end of last year. Which is kind of out of character for me...I thought I just needed a really long holiday, and then everything would be back to "normal".
So I've had my really long holiday now...and it hasn't changed much. I don't particularly like my course anymore...I find myself wanting to skip lectures (again something rather out of character for me in the past), but I end up going to them anyway, and then I just sit there and not really take in anything. This year most of our lectures are in Bosch Lecture Theatre 4, which for some strange reason has a piano up the front. It's all covered up and stuff, but I still think it's cool how they have piano in a lecture theatre. Anyway, that's one of the more interesting things I've discovered this year at uni.
It's like I can't be bothered trying anymore. Maybe that's a good thing. I think I've finally realised that getting good marks doesn't make you happy. Which sounds really obvious to most people...but yeah, I guess I took my time coming to that conclusion. It's something you can know, but not *really* know...like, you know it, but you don't act on it. Like a lot of things you learn at church....you know it, but you don't act on it. What's in your head just stays in your head and doesn't affect the way you live. (Ok, I think I'll avoid this particular tangent for the moment.)
So now I *really* know that getting good marks doesn't make you happy...well, at least to a greater extent than before anyway. I'll always be the nerdy, studious type, I mean, that's pretty much written in bold, capital letters in my DNA. But now I feel really stupid, knowing that for so many years I was chasing the wrong goals. Maybe I still am. I don't know.
People change, right? Maybe what's out of character for them can eventually become "normal". Or is it just a superficial change? Are there some things you're born with that just have to stay with you for the rest of your life?
Something I have enjoyed so far this year is helping organise music for Glue. Not sure if we're doing a good job or not, but it hasn't turned out as bad as I expected it to be. And, you know, you can make lots of mistakes and still have a good time. (Not sure if other people were having a good time though :P) "Mistakes" as in....both the type you make in life, and the type you make on the piano....
Which reminds me....."Ancient of Days" is really bugging me at the moment....
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Really?
I think I should stop baring my soul on the internet. People might start to know stuff about me.
:P
Matthew 5:13-16 (Salt and Light)
This is who we're meant to be,
The life we live out faithfully:
Mixed into the social stew
So the earth can taste a life that's true,
Slowing its descent into decay,
And guiding those who've lost their way.
Reflecting the glory of our Lord,
We shine his righteousness to the world.
:P
Matthew 5:13-16 (Salt and Light)
This is who we're meant to be,
The life we live out faithfully:
Mixed into the social stew
So the earth can taste a life that's true,
Slowing its descent into decay,
And guiding those who've lost their way.
Reflecting the glory of our Lord,
We shine his righteousness to the world.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
The Hour
John 12: 27-33
“Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!” Then a voice came from heaven, “I have glorified it, and will glorify it again.” The crowd that was there and heard it said it had thundered; others said an angel had spoken to him. Jesus said, “This voice was for your benefit, not mine. Now is the time for judgment on this world; now the prince of this world will be driven out. But I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to myself.” He said this to show the kind of death he was going to die.
The Hour
Fully man and fully God, you walked the earth
An age of prophecy fulfilled by your birth
You brought healing to those who believed
A light has dawned on those who choose to see
A man but God
Lifted up on a cross
And by the Son
A victory has been won
On this hour God was glorified
And on this hour we were justified
You came to earth to speak the truth to us
Obey the Father's will to death on a cross
"It is finished", the work has been done
A scattered nation will be made as one
~???? ???? ???? ????~
(inspired by Andrew Katay's talk on John 18 and 19 at EU public meetings last week...well, I did go to it twice :p)
“Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!” Then a voice came from heaven, “I have glorified it, and will glorify it again.” The crowd that was there and heard it said it had thundered; others said an angel had spoken to him. Jesus said, “This voice was for your benefit, not mine. Now is the time for judgment on this world; now the prince of this world will be driven out. But I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to myself.” He said this to show the kind of death he was going to die.
The Hour
Fully man and fully God, you walked the earth
An age of prophecy fulfilled by your birth
You brought healing to those who believed
A light has dawned on those who choose to see
A man but God
Lifted up on a cross
And by the Son
A victory has been won
On this hour God was glorified
And on this hour we were justified
You came to earth to speak the truth to us
Obey the Father's will to death on a cross
"It is finished", the work has been done
A scattered nation will be made as one
~???? ???? ???? ????~
(inspired by Andrew Katay's talk on John 18 and 19 at EU public meetings last week...well, I did go to it twice :p)
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Quacking up
I got hassled today when I was eating lunch in Victoria Park. By two ducks. I had already noticed the larger of the two distracting another victim from reading his novel, it was only a matter of time before it was my turn.
Until this event happened, I was happily sitting on the grass, undisturbed, enjoying the sunshine and the view of the pond with its fountain, and eating my half-frozen tuna sandwich. (Don't ask me why it was half-frozen. For your information, it still tasted very good). Then this enormous duck......actually, I'll say, this Enormous Duck, and his accomplice (a slightly smaller but still Very Large Duck) waddled up to me and began staring pointedly at my food.
At first my attention was caught by Enormous Duck's pair of large orange webbed feet (a very useful variety of feet to have, I would imagine), but then I noticed that his large orange beak was moving also. It was making this soft "waawaawaawaa...waawaawaawaa..." noise, as if he was saying to me, "gimmeyourfood....gimmeyourfood...". Actually, I'm sure that's what he was saying to me. Of course, I wasn't going to give in, it was my half-frozen tuna sandwich, and why couldn't he be satisfied like his stupid friend Very Large Duck, who was happily pulling up grass with her beak and eating it?
So I stared back pointedly at Enormous Duck and said, "No, you're not having any" (in my head, though, didn't want the people around me to think I was crazy, talking to a duck), and defiantly took another bite from my sandwich. At which Enormous Duck waddled even closer to me than he had been before, and tried even harder to get to my sandwich.
At this point, I started to feel sorry for this Enormous Duck who was staring longingly at my food, and Very Large Duck who was eating grass, and since I was down to my crusts, I decided to be generous and share. After all, sharing is caring. So I threw a little bit of bread to the right, and a little to the left, and they chased after it and kept scuttling back for more, so I threw a little more, and a little more...and then it was all gone. I took out my water bottle, and they knew the game was up.
Of course, it wasn't over yet. Enormous Duck turned his back on me, flexed his tail feathers and then did a number two about 30cm away from my foot. Obnoxious bird!
Later on I saw the two of them hassling another unsuspecting victim a few metres away. The poor guy actually got up from his spot and walked away to sit somewhere else.
Well we all know who's really the boss of Victoria Park now...
Until this event happened, I was happily sitting on the grass, undisturbed, enjoying the sunshine and the view of the pond with its fountain, and eating my half-frozen tuna sandwich. (Don't ask me why it was half-frozen. For your information, it still tasted very good). Then this enormous duck......actually, I'll say, this Enormous Duck, and his accomplice (a slightly smaller but still Very Large Duck) waddled up to me and began staring pointedly at my food.
At first my attention was caught by Enormous Duck's pair of large orange webbed feet (a very useful variety of feet to have, I would imagine), but then I noticed that his large orange beak was moving also. It was making this soft "waawaawaawaa...waawaawaawaa..." noise, as if he was saying to me, "gimmeyourfood....gimmeyourfood...". Actually, I'm sure that's what he was saying to me. Of course, I wasn't going to give in, it was my half-frozen tuna sandwich, and why couldn't he be satisfied like his stupid friend Very Large Duck, who was happily pulling up grass with her beak and eating it?
So I stared back pointedly at Enormous Duck and said, "No, you're not having any" (in my head, though, didn't want the people around me to think I was crazy, talking to a duck), and defiantly took another bite from my sandwich. At which Enormous Duck waddled even closer to me than he had been before, and tried even harder to get to my sandwich.
At this point, I started to feel sorry for this Enormous Duck who was staring longingly at my food, and Very Large Duck who was eating grass, and since I was down to my crusts, I decided to be generous and share. After all, sharing is caring. So I threw a little bit of bread to the right, and a little to the left, and they chased after it and kept scuttling back for more, so I threw a little more, and a little more...and then it was all gone. I took out my water bottle, and they knew the game was up.
Of course, it wasn't over yet. Enormous Duck turned his back on me, flexed his tail feathers and then did a number two about 30cm away from my foot. Obnoxious bird!
Later on I saw the two of them hassling another unsuspecting victim a few metres away. The poor guy actually got up from his spot and walked away to sit somewhere else.
Well we all know who's really the boss of Victoria Park now...
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Blogging is good for stress relief
Actually, today turned out quite well - I found a pharmacy to do my placement in...Yay! The first pharmacy I went to told me to leave my phone number, and that they would be in touch. Meh. The second pharmacy I went to already had people doing placements there, and wouldn't take anymore. Grrrr...super-efficient pharmacy students - come on, it's only the second day!!! The third pharmacy I went to said that any other year, they would've had students, but this year they couldn't because a member of staff was on maternity leave and there wouldn't be enough staff to supervise any students. I hate babies. The fourth pharmacy I went to, I stood there for about 5 minutes while the pharmacist ignored me and washed up equipment. So I left. The fifth pharmacy I went to, the pharmacist was very nice, and she said yes! I guess being a new graduate and all, it wasn't that long ago when she had to do placements as well. So I'll be doing my placement there for this semester. Yay for Harrison's Pharmacy in Ashfield!
All that walking was tiring...I'm glad I have that sorted out. Of course, actually doing the stuff that needs to be done while I'm there is another matter...oh well, don't start until Week 3.
Wow, look at the time...I really need to work out where it all goes. I suspect a significant portion of it is taken up by a certain activity known as "blogging". But it's all good...I said one of my aims for this year was to "study less"....
All that walking was tiring...I'm glad I have that sorted out. Of course, actually doing the stuff that needs to be done while I'm there is another matter...oh well, don't start until Week 3.
Wow, look at the time...I really need to work out where it all goes. I suspect a significant portion of it is taken up by a certain activity known as "blogging". But it's all good...I said one of my aims for this year was to "study less"....
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