Just a thought

I'm glad I'm part of something so much bigger than the daily grind.

A quick post cos I'm meant to be doing something else but happened to be reading other people's blogs and then felt like posting

Wow that was a long title.

So, yes, details about work....just started this week at Harrison's Phamacy in Broadway (yes, just across the road from where Cat works!), have worked for three days, and what can I say...meh. I don't know if it's like this for most people, but the general feeling is, when you've been at work all day, the last thing you want to do when you come home in the evening is talk about it. Which is unfortunate for my curious parents, who like to ask me lots of questions. (Grrrrr at lack of siblings...)

I'm grateful for the opportunity but at the moment I just feel really dumb and useless, although hopefully it will get better over time. Anyway, work is work and work is money. Which can be used for good things. Just as long as they don't fire me.

Other than that, the week has also been fairly eventful with a carols rehearsal on Thursday night, and on Friday night our crazy last-Glue-of-the-year event...a whole bunch of team-based games, which gave everyone, even the older tertiary people, an opportunity to be loud and fairly hyperactive. (Actually, "fairly hyperactive" would be an understatement for some parts.) Friday night was also special, even by end-of-year standards, because it was the last Glue for all the tertiary people, and for a whole bunch of the leaders....dawww....But that's the way things go, a youth group always gets revamped every so often so it can keep fulfilling the needs of the people it serves, and also leaders will come and go to serve in different areas.

And what else...oh yeah, we had a Glue guitar workshop this morning...probably the first of its kind...we turned up with about three acoustics and four electrics and three amps, not including the church one, and cables everywhere, so it was all fairly interesting...it was the first time we've done something like that so it was a bit improvised, but Dan did a fairly good job of running it (I didn't do much =P)...and importantly I think people got something out of it (and it's always encouraging to see the younger guys improving). Could probably do something like it again, maybe a bit more organised next time...or maybe not, it was kinda good how it was laid back.

Anyway....probably not making much sense now. But it's the carols night tonight! So, I should start getting ready and making my way there to help set up and stuff....this post has turned out longer than I though it would, probably also a bit incoherent. Blah. Yeh. Have other stuff I could write about, but it probably wouldn't come out right...so yes, I shall be off now.

Come to our carols night! =)

Those of you who live around the area (well, there's at least two of you who fit this category who will read this =P) (OK, and even if you don't live around the area), our Croydon Park church (cnr Boyle and Violet St) is having a carols night next Saturday the 16th. And it's not just going to be any old carols night, it will be AWESOME! =P

So come! =)

Free BBQ on front lawn at 6:30pm
Carols at 7:30pm

I got a job!

More details later...

Alexandra and Alan's wedding

Wedding!!!

One of the most most anticipated and best Saturdays all year, don't you think so girls? =D

So it rained, and thundered during the sermon, but I don't think the weather did much to dampen spirits.

To cut a long day short, amidst all the rain, chilly breezes, yummy food, shaky photography, silly pictures, impromptu makeovers, much seat swapping, and pointed jokes about who was going to get married next, there was much love, joy and happiness shared.....and I think that pretty much sums it all up =)

The useful and the not-so-useful

Useful...

90 second flash animation showing which empire controlled the Middle East from 3000BC onwards...I found it especially interesting to watch during the 'Biblical' eras...

http://www.mapsofwar.com/ind/imperial-history.html



Not so useful (but very, very funny)...

"Things you can't do when you're not in a pool"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gw4bQKiLkQ4



...And just plain addictive (you have been warned)

Weboggle
http://weboggle.shackworks.com/game.html

Hymns

Here's another project for you! =)

http://savefile.com/projects/1049638


This is a medley of a reharmonized "Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah" and "God is Our Strength and Refuge" (which I didn't bother to reharmonize much, as it already had some pretty interesting chords...good ol' hymns...)

Speaking of which...I think hymns deserve more exposure than they get these days, especially in younger congregations...I guess the words are harder to understand and sometimes the melodies are more difficult to sing, or aren't as catchy; but a lot of old hymns are really quite well written. I guess it's good that some have had new music written for them, to make them more accessible to the younger generations (e.g. May the Mind of Christ, God is Our Strength and Refuge, etc).

Anyway, the two hymns here go together quite well, and I mean not just musically, but lyrically (though I know the style of playing here doesn't really lend itself to singing =P). The words of these hymns remind us of God's ever-present strength and guidance throughout whatever we may face...so 'we therefore will not fear, though the earth should change!'


Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah
Words by William Williams (I know, what were his parents thinking?) and music by John Hughes

Guide me, O Thou great Jehovah,
Pilgrim through this barren land.
I am weak, but Thou art mighty,
Hold me with Thy powerful hand.
Bread of heaven, bread of heaven,
Feed me now and evermore.
Feed me now and evermore!

Open now the crystal fountain
Whence the living waters flow.
Let the fiery, cloudy pillar
Lead me all my journey through.
Strong deliverer, strong deliverer,
Be Thou still my strength and shield.
Be Thou still my strength and shield!

When I tread the verge of Jordan
Bid my anxious fears subside.
Death of death and hell’s destruction;
Land me safe on Canaan’s side.
Songs of praises, songs of praises,
I will ever give to Thee.
I will ever give to Thee!


God is Our Strength and Refuge
Words by Richard Bewes (from Psalm 46) and music by Eric Coates

God is our strength and refuge
Our present help in trouble;
And we therefore will not fear,
Though the earth should change!
Though mountains shake and tremble,
Though swirling floods are raging,
God the Lord of hosts is with us evermore!

There is a flowing river,
Within God’s holy city;
God is in the midst of her,
She shall not be moved.
God’s help is swiftly given,
Thrones vanish at His presence
God the Lord of hosts is with us evermore!

Come see the works of our Maker,
Learn of His deeds all powerful;
Wars will cease across the world
When He shatters the spear!
Be still and know your Creator,
Uplift Him in the nations,
God the Lord of hosts is with us evermore!



P.S. I can't actually play the whole thing through in real life, it was all edited together (lots of editing, in fact...but you didn't need to know that...=P)

For those of you still interested...

http://savefile.com/files/294135

Consider Christ again, but with the ambient noise removed! (yay, noise removal worked!...not sure what I did wrong last time)

(and hopefully the piano still sounds the same...

[EDIT]:
....actually, it doesn't!...the quality of the piano sound is totally different if compared to the original...but then again the noise was pretty loud in the original too! But you can make it less obvious with different equalizer settings =P)

Knock knock. Who's there? Me. Me who? Me again...

To the committed readers of this humble blog, (lol this is sounding a bit formal isn't it?)

So I realise that I haven't written a proper blog post in aaaaaaaages (you know, like one of my really long ones where I write about lots of stuff). At least it feels that way. And maybe that's not such a bad thing, since I usually write those really long posts when I'm feeling depressed over something.

This post might turn out to be really long as well, but don't worry, it's not because I'm feeling depressed at the moment, this is more just because I haven't written about this yet, and I feel like I should. I'm meant to be in bed, but I started thinking about it, and then I felt compelled to get up and write something. Well, what's the point of holidays if you aren't allowed to get up in the middle of the night and write a blog post because you suddenly feel like it.

For those who I haven't talked to all that much this year, this might not all make sense, but that's ok, you don't have to understand it.

*****

So on Friday, it will be exactly six months since the day I came close to doing something very stupid. Or at least was thinking about it....or maybe more accurately, I wasn't really thinking. Not clearly anyway.

When I think about the events of that day leading up to those few hours and then everything else that happened afterwards.....it was only six months ago but it feels like it's been so much longer. More like two years. Maybe it has something to do with the mind trying not to remember bad memories, trying to protect itself from constantly reliving it.

Part of me now understands why it got to the point that it did, it's all stupidly simple, in fact (I probably knew it before but just didn't want to admit it to myself); but for the other part it still feels like this big, confusing, muddle of stuff that I have no idea about, and have no idea why it happened.

To most people, it probably looked like nothing had been different that week, after all, everything just went on the same afterwards...the only major difference being that I'd dropped a few subjects at uni for the rest of the year...

Looking back now I am glad that things turned out the way they did, in terms of uni anyway, there's no point beating myself up about not being able to finish my degree in four years; given the circumstances I don't think I could have even if I'd tried, and now I'm pretty glad that I had the extra time on my hands during this past semester, and will have another part-time year at uni next year. It's not all rosy yet but it's funny how things work out.

Sometimes I wonder what my relationship with God was like at that time, and what it's like now; have I grown from the experience...how do you know if you've grown anyway? I guess only God knows how well you really know Him and what your heart is really like...it kinda scares me that He can see right through me. Well, He is my creator.

I'm glad that since finishing exams I've had more time and energy to read His Word and feel like praying again...I'd been worried that for ages I'd barely talked to Him except at church and Bible study groups...I guess I still struggle with it but hopefully this good phase will last for a while...

What I've slowly come to realise in these past few years is that things that defined me when I was younger...while they're still part of who I am, they're in the past now and not relevant any longer...and this stage of "growing up" or whatever it is....it can be difficult to not have that clear sense of identity or purpose...

I don't if any of this makes sense or if anyone else can relate to it...But anyway...

I read somewhere that you shouldn't judge how you're going on a day to day, week to week, or even a monthy basis, because your feelings fluctuate a lot and you may go through good patches and rough patches, so you really should only compare yourself to how far you've come in the past six months...

So anyway, I'd just like to say, maybe just for myself, that six months on, I am feeling a lot better about things and think that I am headed in the right direction. Hopefully my evaluation isn't too premature. I think I'm still going to need a few more years to get over this fully, but I'm sure God has good plans for me and will look after me through all the things that may come in the future =) (The Psalms are a good read...)

I think in the process I might also try to be less cynical and more loving.

*****

That is all for now. Definitely time to go to bed, but I don't really feel like it...

Oh well, signing out anyway...

[ME!]

=)


P.S. Thanks for listening, if you've made it this far!

This bad quality track is brought to you by...

...um, I don't know.

http://savefile.com/files/242184


More piano playing, but something recognisable this time (and it's not backwards!) - A reharmonised version of Consider Christ....trying to put the stuff I learnt at jazz classes into practice, hehe...yeah, I need to work on it...

Serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins in the air

Wow, it seems like everyone is going out, getting married or having kids, and I haven't heard of anyone breaking up in a while*. How nice. Of course, could be different in other people's social circles.

And another wow, this is only Stuvac Gratuitous Blog Post No.2!


-------------------------------------
*my desk is made of wood

Here's another one...

More backwards piano playing:
http://savefile.com/files/218516


Haha, it's pretty boring...

MUSIC = endless hours of FUN and ENTERTAINMENT and PROCRASTINATION!!

So I've finally gotten around to recording some of my music, since I got introduced to this *free* program called Audacity (thanks Argus!) and got my hands on a tiny little computer mic my mum got from somewhere (better than nothing, and at least it was *free* as well!)

I won't torture you with any of my singing...this is just some piano playing which was recorded and then reversed using Audacity...a rather interesting effect (also distracts from the bad quality of the recording! - Sorry about the annoying high pitched noises...don't know where they came from)

Download from here:
http://savefile.com/files/179714

(Yes it says "Rock of Ages", but don't worry if you don't recognise it as the hymn/song at all, because I played *my version* of Rock of Ages, which is unheard by anyone played forwards, let alone backwards =P)

ARGH!

Too many things to think about!

etc, etc.

About a band

Before we begin...
1. Apologies for bad sentence structure, I like, can't be bothered. Also apologies for gratuitous use of the work "like".
2. Ignore this post if you are meant to be writing an honours thesis.


Discovered a U.S. band called Breaking Benjamin while googling lyrics on the net (yes, yes, procrastinating as usual, but I have a headache, so I can't possibly be doing any work anyway), the name caught my eye, so I youtubed* them, and it's like, yay, angsty music! Nothing groundbreaking, but I seem to have a thing for angsty music at the moment. I think they're slightly reminiscent of Evanescence, Hoobastank and Linkin Park, and probably several other bands as well.....anyway, I've never heard of them before, don't know if anyone else has?? I could just be like really out of it...

Anyway, I liked this video in particular for one of their songs, Sooner or Later, and the acoustic version of this other song, Diary of Jane, was pretty cool too.


*****

In other news, I had an informal interview thing for a casual job at a Wynyard pharmacy this morning, turns out they don't really have anything available at the moment, but the pharmacist is opening a new pharmacy nearby soon so they might need someone then...anyone want to bet he'll get back to me...oh well at least I'm taking small steps in the right direction...I think....

---------------------------------------------
*since "google" is now used as a verb, and Google have now acquired Youtube, I figured "youtube" should be used as a verb too

Lecture notes

Hehe, I'm no artist, but I like to doodle. You might even like call this "Extreme Doodling".




Well...I was bored. And sitting up the back. So there was no point trying to concentrate anyway, right?

By the way, it's an attempted sketch of Bosch Lecture Theatre 1. Parts of it anyway, the seats with people in it were too hard to draw. As was the rambling lecturer, and several other projectors, even though I've got about three in there already.

Papercut - Linkin Park

Why does it feel like night today?
Something in here's not right today
Why am I so uptight today?
Paranoia's all I got left
I don't know what stressed me first
Or how the pressure was fed
But I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head
It's like a face that I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watching every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall
And watches everything
So I know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is hearing me
Right underneath my skin

It's like I'm
Paranoid looking over my back
It's like a
Whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I
Can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

I know I've got a face in me
Points out all my mistakes to me
You've got a face on the inside too and
Your paranoia's probably worse
I don't know what set me off first
But I know what I can't stand
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is
I can't add up to what you can
But everybody has a face that they hold inside
A face that awakes when they close their eyes
A face watches every time they lie
A face that laughs every time they fall
And watches everything
So you know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is watching you too
Right inside your skin

It's like I'm
Paranoid looking over my back
It's like a
Whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I
Can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin


The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me...

Yay Sydney!

Ooooh...I saw this guy in the city once!

Free Hugs

[insert title here]

Too many hours in front of a screen is so not good for you. How do people do it all day?

-------------------------------
Word of the Day:
improvident -adjective
Lacking foresight or forethought; not foreseeing or providing for the future; negligent or thoughtless.

Today's Mystery of Life:
Why is it that by the time our minds are wise, our bodies are falling apart?

Homo cynicus

Apparently I'm very cynical. That's what someone told me yesterday anyway.

I'm not as cynical as this guy though:

What we are

-------------------------------
This post is brought to you by

The Word of the Day:
brontide –noun
a rumbling noise heard occasionally in some parts of the world, probably caused by seismic activity.

And today's "Mystery of Life":
Why is Justin Timberlake's Sexyback the No.1 song? (ok I think it might be No.2 now, but still...)

From Platform No.2

When she walks in my space
It's the reason I feel strange
All of these lovers
Making me nervous
Make like you don't mind
The reasons we don't connect sometimes
You're not alone in lies this time
So I won't be there
It's just that I feel spare
-Siamese, Motor Ace

RICE Rally Photos

Courtesy of the RICE website.....more here.

In a nutshell....The queue on George St was crazy...and I spent the first part of the night with my head encased in a cardboard "S" (at least I wasn't the "L"), saying the same thing over and over again to the people lined up on the Town Hall steps and in the foyer ("We've lost the O, have you seen the O?") and even got to go on stage with that thing (it was actually quite comfortable, surprisingly, but got very warm after a while, expecially when chasing after those beach balls that got kicked into the crowd, and everything sounded a bit echo-y)....and yes, there were lots and lots of people...who sang and watched and laughed and shouted and cheered and heard the gospel being preached...and about 200 prayed the prayer for the first time! Awesome...

Meaningless, meaningless

Bored, lonely and directionless.







Nothing to look forward to?






(Bloody blog URL.)

The sky looked like a painted ceiling

SIGH

BIGGER SIGH

*SLAP*

*Gulp*

While I was meant to be doing stuff for uni last night, I had a sudden thought that maybe I should go and do a music degree. So I started looking up the requirements needed to get into the Con*. And then I thought, what am I doing, this is crazy. The feasibility of a career in music is like, zero. I gave up on the uni work and went to bed, kinda wishing I had done music for my HSC, and that I could maybe go back to when I was in highschool and do everything all over again.

And then I started to feel really, really old. That maybe it was too late**. That I've gotten to this stage in life and achieved nothing.

I couldn't sleep. 3:30am, still tossing and turning. What's going to happen to me? What am I going to do with myself...for the next 70 years***?

Everything seems so much worse late at night when you're tired and have stuff due the next day...

Waaaaah.....****


------------
*from where I am at the moment....hard, very hard.
** yes, it was late at night as well, but that's not what I meant.
***Besides being heavily dependant on pharmaceuticals for the latter half
****I wonder if one of the effects of being stressed is that you start putting footnotes into your thoughts.

Two hectic weekends

Well last weekend was the first ever EU Pharmacy Weekend Away, which was pretty cool, and then last night we had the RICE Rally....haha, it was INSANE I tell you! Well, at least it felt that way to me, especially the beginning, and the end. I was so tired today, even though I didn't really do all that much last night. I'll write more about it when I'm not meant to be doing work....


"The World You Love" - Jimmy Eat World

I've got a story it's almost finished
Now all I need is someone to tell it too
Maybe that's you

Our time is borrowed and spent too freely
Every minute I have needs to be made up,
But how?
I'm looking for a nice way to say "I'm out",
I want out...

I fall asleep with my friends around me
Only place I know I feel safe
I'm gonna call this home

The open road is still miles away
Hey nothing serious
We still have our fun
Oh we had it once

Windows open and close
That's just how it goes

Don't it feel like sunshine after all?
The world we love forever gone
We're only just as happy
As everyone else seems to think we are

I'm in love with the ordinary
I need a simple space, and rest my head
And everything gets clear

I'm a little ashamed for asking
But just a little helps
It gets me straight again
Helps me get over it, over it

It might seem like a dream
But it's real to me

Don't it feel like sunshine after all?
The world we loved forever gone
We're only just as happy
As everyone else seems to think we are

You should see the canals are freezing
You should see me high, you should just be here
Be with me here

It doesn't seem there's hope for me, I let you down
But I won't give in now not for any amount

Don't it feel like sunshine after all?
The world we loved forever gone
We're only just as happy
As everyone else thinks
Now don't that feel like sunshine after all?
The world we loved forever gone
We're only just as happy
As everyone else seems to think we are


I like this song because I could never tell if it was meant to be happy or sad...

Bludging again

Sigh..Go me.

Ok, time for a vague teenage ramble. Wait, I'm not a teenager anymore. Damn.




Well yesterday Pun, Cat, Alicia and I had a picnic lunch in Hyde Park to....um....was it a comiseration of sorts? Or a celebration? Couldn't really tell. Either way, we were all bludgers on a Monday. Anyways, it was a nice sunny day, and we had Vegemite and cheese on bread rolls with brekky juice and white wine and Tim Tams and White Rabbit asian lollies and sour cream and chives Soho rice crackers and chocolate and probably some other food I can't remember but Pun can (I've never worked out how she manages to recall everything, food-wise.)

And, um, we talked about....some stuff....and then Leach had to go back to uni for eQuip, and Pun, Cat and I took photos with the soon-to-be-chopped-down fig(?) trees in the park.

Then we went to HMV in Pitt St because Cat wanted to listen to a CD. They're having a sale...I ended up buying Miles Davis' Kind of Blue (I figured since I'm doing jazz piano classes now I should be listening to some jazz....don't ask me why I'm learning to play in a style I didn't really listen to before) for $9.99 and Linkin Park's Hybrid Theory for the ridiculous low price of $6.72 (ridiculous not because it's low, but because of the 72 cents). They sound a lot like Rage Against the Machine in some parts. My favourite song on it is In The End...awesome song that one. And I'm still trying to work out what I think of Kind of Blue....listening to it at the moment...it's meant to be, like, really famous or something.

After HMV, what did we do....oh yeah, we went to Strandbags so I could buy a new backpack, because my old one is falling apart. So I bought a new backpack. And then Pun bought a curling iron. I wonder if you can cook with a curling iron. Or iron with a curling iron. Or kill insects. Hmmm.

Then....oh yeah, then we parted our separate ways and I headed to the Con for jazz piano for two hours....and then I went home.

On the train on the way home, I pulled out my new $6.72 Linkin Park CD and read the lyrics in the insert. I thought they were pretty good lyrics. Then at around Ashfield, this Asian guy, around my age, wearing a bandana, comes up to the seat behind me and asks me what kind of bands I listen to, because he saw me with the Linkin Park CD before. Random. But before I could say anything, his phone rang and he had to excuse (man, I almost spelt that with an 's' before the c) himself, and he was still talking when I got off at Strathfield. So I didn't get the chance to talk to some random stranger about what sort of music I listen to.

So that was my Monday.

And I think my brain is slowly disintegrating into mush. Must be this part-time uni thing. I had a couple of people ask me today if I was alright. I think I must have looked a bit out of it or something. I felt out of it. But I am getting enough sleep these days. But yeah, uni is a bit of a drag. I'm not always "all there" during classes. I wonder if I'll pass this semester. Maybe it doesn't matter? Nah, it probably does matter.


Today, there was a brief hail storm, and I didn't bring my umbrella, or my camera, with me to uni today. I didn't get wet though. It had stopped raining by the time I went home. Would have been good to get a pic of the crunchy white pea-sized balls in patches all over the ground, though.

I'm a selfish person.

This is awesome...=D

Library Musical

Lecture Musical

YouTube procrastination...

What does *professionalism* mean to YOU?

Yay! A waffle assignment!

After pretending to be law students in one of last semester's subjects, now we get to pretend we're doing commerce in 'Pharmacy Management'...The assignments for this subject include writing a "personal statement on professionalism", a career plan, a book review on a management book, and a business plan. Fun fun.

So I'm meant to write 1000 words outlining my "personal views, opinions and beliefs about professionalism in pharmacy and what it means to you" by next Wednesday....amazing, when was the last time I had to write 1000 words for uni? But the course coordinator goes, it's all very flexible, you can do it any way you want, you can interview someone, or write a poem, or paint a picture....Paint a picture?!?!

So I thought I'd do a random web survey to get the creative juices flowing...What does professionalism mean to you? Any comments appreciated. Doesn't have to be related to pharmacy or anything. And don't say "nothing"!

To give you an idea of where they're coming from, a definition we got given was

"A profession is a group of people who provide a significantly recognised service that is central to human values. The service provided by professionals must be adapted to individual needs and require knowledge, training and skills that the typical user does not possess."

And has anyone read any of the following books? I'd like to do the book review on the first one, but it's also the longest....

1. Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People - Stephen R. Covey
2. The E-Myth Revisited - Michael E. Gerber
3. The One Minute Manager - Kenneth Blanchard

Bwahahaha, writing a book review in Pharmacy, teehee....I'm so glad I dropped honours.

A random post about old things and new things

Waah! My dad got a new phone in Hong Kong! I despise the fact that both my parents have trendier mobile phones than me now!

Well not really. I'm not the sort of person who keeps up with the latest model of phone, although after four years, my Nokia 3315 is starting to feel a little dated. (Poor phone.) Hey, but it still works.

I've also had my current glasses frames since Year 12, so I think it might be time to get new ones...not that they're falling apart or anything (although they did fall apart at AnCon, luckily I packed contacts just in case!), I could probably wear them for a bit longer, until the screw at the side starts coming loose every other day or something...

That's the thing with life these days, you're constantly updating things when you don't really need to, there's a lot of stuff that you could keep using for years and years if there wasn't such thing as "going out of fashion".

Although I am glad that some things do go out of fashion. Corsets are one of them. Women should have the right to breathe as much as men.

And there are some things around the house that we still use that have been around for ages. Like my little pillow filled with down feathers, I've had it since I was one. I guess it's well and truly infested with Vivian germs by now. And I think most of the bed linen we use currently emmigrated with us from Hong Kong. And I have my Dad's copies of the Narnia series, printed in 1978 (except for The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, which got lost, so I have a new copy of that.)

So there you go. Old things, and new things. I think I'll leave it there.

My week (last week, that is)

AnCon

RICE prep day

Indoor rockclimbing at night

Church

Sleeeeeeeeeeeeep

Look Down

Look Up

Beautiful Bruises (yes, there is a picture - you've been warned)

They really should call paintball PAINtball or something.

Firstly, you have to get up at a ridiculous time in the morning to get there by 7:30am after a one and a half hour drive, secondly, it's freezing at that time of day in the winter, and thirdly...well obviously getting hit is painful.

One of the highlights of the early drive on Saturday however, was that crossing the Hawkesbury River was absolutely breathtaking, with mist rising from the water and fog shrouding the early morning sun. We actually stopped and got out to take pictures...well, Sam (the one who wears glasses) who had a camera took pictures, the rest of us just froze while admiring the view....if I can get Sam to send me his pictures I'll post them up. There was a professional photographer on the bridge taking pictures too.

I have to say that paintball was not *quite* as fun as I was expecting it to be...compared to Lazer Zone, I definitely enjoyed Lazer more. Maybe cos I was freezing for the first half of the morning and grumpy from lack of sleep....it did get more enjoyable as the day went along. And getting hit made things more exciting. I didn't really do much in the first game (capture the flag), just spent most of the time hiding behind the barricades haha...but the game where one team goes hiding in the bushes was fun, and so was the one played in the long trench....However getting hit in the mouth by a paintball is not fun...even with the mask, it felt like my lip had been fully busted, but it turned out it was only bleeding very slightly and the rest of the wetness in my mouth was paint. Paintballs don't taste very nice =( At least I didn't accidentally shoot myself in the face like Cecilia, hehehe...

The last lot we played was where you had to shoot the other team's nominated "governor" to win...during the very last game I actually managed to make my way across the playing field to the other team's fortress...took a few shots at the governor, missed, and ran out of bullets. LOL. If only I could aim better. Then I was trying to look for fresh bullets on the ground, actually found one (!), and was going to try again, but got shot in the leg by someone on the other team who finally realised I was there. Owwwww.



And that was the resulting bruise. Nice isn't it? I don't think I've ever had a bruise that big before.

One of the other things about paintball is that you have to keep an eye on the $$$$$$$. At about $20 for 100 paintballs...hrmm, yeah, don't think I'll be going again for a while =P

Nooooo...the poor guitars!!!

http://www.abc.net.au/tv/chaser/war/video/default.htm

Click on "Play Latest Highlights", then "Rockstars Famous Face Off".


I've watched all the videos on that page now...they're funniest thing ever =D

Hmmm interesting...

I don't go to this site for a few months and this is what happens...

Hey does that mean ALL guitar tab sites are technically illegal?

What the...

*KEEP WATCHING*


























































MADE YA LOOK!

bwahahahaha....

Yay! Exams are over!

Now I can play guitar!

Instant Coffee World

Height of exam period productivity - brain comes up with weird song...too much caffeine, not enough studying. Gaah...somebody shoot me.


Instant Coffee World

You were discovered in an instant world
Where you just add boiling water
The smell of coffee hits the daily grind
Smoke and metal, flashing lights

You take the suspense
As you step off the sidewalk -
Would the world stop? Or would it run you over?
Tired and blind and sleeping
With its eyes wide open
You hope doors will open
Like you hope that drugs will dull the pain

But you hear the sound of the city's
Four walls closing in
You try to scream, but who will hear you?
A tree falls in a forest that no one's in
Playing hide and seek
You can't see who you're hiding from
Or who's counting...
The days until you're gone

Sticks and stones may break your bones
Words will take up memory on your phone
The smell of home hits the back of your mind
Tears and voices, pleading eyes

The children play mums and dads
While mums and dads are playing God
Or something else they just won't tell you
Cos they love you and they're making sure
Your heart's not broken
You hope doors will open
Like you hope that drugs will dull the pain

But you hear the sound of the city's
Four walls closing in
You try to scream, but who will hear you?
A tree falls in a forest that no one's in
Playing hide and seek
You can't see who you're hiding from
Or who's counting...
The days until you're gone

Do you lie awake in dreams at night
And wonder if you're there?
And with tomorrow's daylight
You fall asleep again....

Cos you hear the sound of the city's
Four walls closing in
You try to scream, but who will hear you?
Another piece falls in a game that no one wins
Playing hide and seek
You can't see who you're hiding from
Or who's counting...
The days until you're gone

Liar Liar

I'm a liar. Especially on Sundays. I tell more lies on Sundays than I do any other day of the week. Except maybe Fridays. I can think of at least four people I lied to last Sunday. Well maybe they weren't direct lies as such, more not volunteering the whole truth. But it's all the same. Maybe you were one of those people I lied to on Sunday. Maybe I've lied to you on previous Sundays.

Why do I lie? Is it called lying if you side-step answers to questions you don't want to talk about? What if it was even for the other person's benefit that you didn't go into the truth? And I'm not referring to gossip here. How much information are you obliged to reveal about yourself in a casual conversation? Sometimes it is less painful for all parties involved to just tell a white lie.

Why do people lie? Is it because people know they just aren't articulate enough to be able to tell the truth without hurting someone else's feelings or making someone else uncomfortable? Sure, you could give the "no comment" , or "I don't really want to go into that" response, but then people are going to read their own meaning into that.

Maybe people lie because they don't expect others to be encouraging in return. Why bother telling the truth when it will just be met with indifference, misunderstanding or a condescending sort of sympathy?

Hmmm...now I kinda understand why some people stop coming to church.

Maybe I should have been a lawyer...NOT!

Well now that the pseudo-law exam is over, I thought I might put up a few gems from the stimulating documents we had to study (all taken out of context, of course).

Hmmm....how about this helpful lot of definitions from the Poisons and Therapeutic Goods Act 1966 No 31, Section 27 (6):

In this section:
type A drug of addiction means a drug of addiction prescribed by the regulations under this section as a type A drug of addiction.
type B drug of addiction means a drug of addiction prescribed by the regulations under this section as a type B drug of addiction.
type C drug of addiction means any drug of addiction (other than a type A drug of addiction).

Or what do you make of this, from the Poisons and Therapeutic Goods Regulation 2002, Clause 102 (1):

A retail pharmacist is authorised:
(a) to have possession of drugs of addiction, and
(b) to manufacture drugs of addiction and any preparation, admixture or extract of a drug of addiction....

Or Clauses 133 and 134:

133 Personal cleanliness

A person who is involved in the preparation or handling of exposed substances:
(a) must be clean and must wear clean clothing, and
(b) must clean his or her hands (by means of soap or detergent and water or by some other suitable cleaning process) before starting work and before resuming work after using the toilet.

134 Spitting and smoking etc

A person who is involved in the preparation or handling of exposed substances, or who is in a place that is used for preparing or handling exposed substances, must not:
(a) urinate, defecate or spit, or
(b) use, smoke or chew tobacco or any other similar substance, or
(c) sit, walk, stand or lie on any surface used for the purposed of preparing or handling exposed substances.

I mean...ewwww!


Although my favourite would have to be Section 19D(1) from the Pharmacy Act 1964 No28:

A complaint may be made by any person that a pharmacist:
...
...
...
...
...
...is not of good character.

Glue leaders' social: Blue Mountains

As you might have noticed I haven't been bothered to blog "properly" recently...but they say pictures are good, so here are some random pictures from our outing today to Katoomba. I would have put more up of people sleeping on the train, but I thought that would be mean =P

Hmmm yes...half of it wasn't all that "social" because we were too busy looking at our feet and holding on to railings, trying not to stack it on the giant staircase, which wouldn't have been good. It was good exercise though, probably more a workout for the legs than the heart since we were going down =D

Praise God for the slightly chilly but fine weather =) Overall it was an enjoyable day, we probably should do something like this more often!

Yawn....ok hopefully someone else will post about this more properly, or maybe I will a bit later, hmmm, yes, *later*... but for now...good night!

This is my desktop at the moment...

Notice a theme? =P

$1.69 to hear how it goes

Gravity - Bic Runga

If gravity let us go
We would all go flying
And I'll meet you somewhere in the milky night
Away past the satellites

The breeze is dressed so lightly
And it breathes onto this fire escape
Where all our secrets melt like ice
Leaving only water

Night will close us down
And change the view
And I'll promise you what I can
I forget myself when I'm with you
Please remind me who I am

Dancing like a landslide
Swinging round the living room
We fall like sudden rain from sullen skies
Singing to the radio's tune

Say my name aloud
And make it new
And I'll promise you what I can
I forget myself when I'm with you
Please remind me who I am

Day so soon, hear all the traffic move
The sirens all fill this room till we both have to shout
From the road, watching the stars explode
You and I breathe so slow
How strange the sound...

I love depressing songs! =D

Let Me Die Young - Taxiride

I believe
In the faithful and true
And I believe in silly things
Like everlasting love
But I could never ever believe
What was struck upon you
You fell away
But this time it was for good…

Let me die young, let me die young
So I can be with you forever
Let me die young, let me die young
So we can laugh again in heaven

Once again
You broke my heart
Other days the pieces fell together again
But this time it's different
'Cause today my heart is beyond repair
So it bleeds
Cause darling, you slipped away
Much too easy for me…

Let me die young, let me die young
So I can be with you forever
Let me die young, let me die young
So we can laugh again in heaven

When the loneliness inside me
Turns to pain
I'll drink my heart to sleep
Just to see you once again

I believe
In the faithful and true
And I believe in silly things
Like everlasting love

Let me die young, let me die young
So I can be with you forever...
Let me die young
I'm on my way

Let me die young, let me die young
So I can be with you, I wanna be with you…
Let me die young, let me die young
I'm on my way...
I could die
I could die

.....

Polaris - Jimmy Eat World

I'll say it straight and plain
I know I've made mistakes
I've always been afraid
I've always been afraid

A thousand nights or more
I travel east and north
Please answer the door
Can you tell me...

You say that love goes anywhere
In your darkest time, it's just enough to know it's there
When you go, I'll let you be
But you're killing everything in me

Get down on your knees
Whisper what I need
Something pretty
Something pretty

I feel that when I'm old
I'll look at you and know
The world was beautiful
Then you tell me...

You say that love goes anywhere
In your darkest time, it's just enough to know it's there
When you go, I'll let you be
But you're killing everything in me

I'm done, there's nothing left to show
I try but can't let it go
Are you happy where you're standing still?
Do you really want the sugar pill?
I'll wake up tomorrow and I'll start
Tonight it feels so hard
As the train approaches Gare du Nord
As I'm sure your kiss remains employed
Am I only dreaming?

You say that love goes anywhere
In your darkest time, it's just enough to know it's there
When you go, I'll let you be
But you're killing everything in me

When you go, I'll let you be
But you're killing everything in me

Drugs Or Me - Jimmy Eat World

Stay with me
You're the one I need
You make the hardest things
Seem easy

Keep my heart
Somewhere drugs don't go
Where the sunshine slows
Always keep me close

If only you could see
The stranger next to me
You promise, you promise that you're done
But I can't tell you from the drugs

Don't let go
We'll dig a great big hole
Down an endless hole
We'll both go

You're so blind
You can't save me this time
Hope comes from inside
And I feel so low tonight

If only you could see
The stranger next to me
You promise, you promise that you're done
But I can't tell you from the drugs

I wish that you could see
This face in front of me
You're sorry, you swear it, you're done
But I can't tell you from the drugs

(Take me) I need your help
(So far away) To pull me up, take the wheel
(Take me) Out from me
(So far away) Out from me

(Take me) If only you could see (I need your help)
(So far away) The stranger next to me (To pull me up, take the pain)
(Take me) You promise, you promise that you're done (Out from me)
(So far away) But I can't tell you from the drugs (Out from me)

(Take me) I wish that you could see (I need your help)
(So far away) This face in front of me (To pull me up, take the wheel)
(Take me) You're sorry, you swear it, you're done (Out from me)
(So far away) But I can't tell you from the drugs (Out from me)

Keep my heart
Somewhere drugs don't go
Where the sunshine slows
Always keep me close

Tired

A post about dinner. Not really.

Statement: I don't usually talk much at meal times.

Reasons:
1) Because I eat slow enough as it is,
2) I'm too tired and hungry to make conversation,
3) I don't usually talk much anyway, regardless of whether it's a meal time or not.

So I was sitting at the dinner table tonight, and before long my parents started talking about some church issue, which is not an entirely unusual occurence during dinner at my place. In fact, it happens so often that I consider "dinner time" to be synonymous with "parents talking about church things".

Usually I turn my attention to satisfying my stomach, while my brain gradually zones out. This was happening tonight; my mouth was chewing and my brain was nearly out of it, when it picked up something interesting and thought, "Hang on, this is sounding controversial", so then it activates my mouth, which says "What's going on?" (It had stopped chewing at this point.) And my dad says "It's better if you don't know", and my brain is like "But you've been saying it all right in front of me anyway", and my stomach is like, "I want more food".

But my parents keep talking about it really loudly anyway, and so I eventually work out what the issue is vaguely, and I'm like, that's really dumb.

Grrrr at church *issues*.

OK, forget about having BGR talks, DaVinci Code seminars, WEWIN arvos, music workshops, youth houseparties, missions nights, dialogue dinners and evangelistic events (ok, maybe not the last few), what we really need is a "How to solve conflicts within the church in a Godly way" session, or a practical study on "How to rebuke lovingly".

I mean seriously! How much grief could be avoided if we just practised good communication skills! As an extremely incompetent pharmacy student, I know that's a lot more easier said than done, knowing the right thing to say comes with experience...but ok, can we just get some basics right...

For instance, there are times to use email, and there are times not to use email. Now email is a wonderful invention, it makes organising large groups of people so much more convenient...but there are some matters which should not be communicated using this form of technology. Or other similar forms (you know what they are).

OK whatever. That's all I would like to fume about. Shoot me down if you would like. But please consider carefully what mode of communication you are going to use before doing so.

Thank you for your attention.

(By the way, this post is not directed specifically at anyone I know.)

This is a bad time to blog/So much for epiphanies

Why is it that the less time I have and the more stressed I feel about having no time, the more I blog? But anyway, my dispensing prework is really boring, I'll just type up a stream of consciousness post and hopefully it won't take too long...

Life really sucks at the moment. Sort of. I don't know. I can start off a day feeling like everything will be alright, and by late afternoon, life will be really sucky (like last Friday). Or it can start off feeling really sucky, and by the end of the day things seem a little less hopeless (like today).

I don't get it. Am I the only one who spends disproportionate amounts of time contemplating the meaning of Life, The Universe and Everything (as opposed to doing things of immediate usefulness, such as assignments, vacuuming, and getting sleep)? I think of those of my fellow pharmaceutics honours students who have practically finished their literature review (of which I have barely started and will subsequently be very dead in Week 13) and I feel like asking them: how can you be so organised and focused on the task when there are so many big questions to ponder over? I mean, they're not Christian or of any other religion, why aren't they spending time wondering where they are going to go when they die and what the meaning of life is; whereas I'm a Christian and I'm wasting all my time trying to figure out what I'm supposedly already meant to know?? What is wrong with them? What is wrong with me?

Is it valid to be stressed and worried about your short term future in the context of already knowing your eternal purpose and destination? Because I'm worrying about my immediate future a lot at the moment, in particular the next five weeks leading up to Week13, and in terms of what next year holds for me (if I'm still alive then). What if I can't get a job? Will these past 4 years of self-inflicted suffering have been for nothing? I don't even want this career! And don't ask me what else I would want to do because I don't know!

Am I wrong in worrying whether or not I'll be unhappy for the rest of my life? Are Christians theoretically not supposed to be worried? Is the certainty of what comes after death somehow meant to ease the frustration of the uncertainty of this life?

To what extent are we in control of what happens to us? (oh no, not this topic)

What is real life? Is it an existence involving a relationship with God, the one who made you and gave you life a purpose? Why is God hidden to so many people? Why does God allow Himself to be hidden and overlooked? Why is it easier to believe what we can see? Why do so many people only accept what's right in front of them? Are ordinary things really ordinary? Isn't it amazing that anything exists at all?

Are we meant to be content? Does it matter if we never reach contentment in this life? Any disappointments or joys in this life will be nothing compared to the joy we'll experience in eternity.

What do people really desire? Could you sum it up in a few words? In terms of existence, we want purpose and security. In terms of relationships, we want to be understood and accepted. Purpose, security, understood, accepted...aren't all these things found in God?

But I don't get it! I don't like not being able to understand it all; why what I feel doesn't correlate with what I know, why it changes from hour to hour...and you know what? I'm really sick of thinking. Thinking too much and not doing enough; why God made me like this, I would like to know. I don't want to be old and finally understand everything and then realise I've wasted all my able-bodied, medication-free (and side effect-free) days not doing all the things that could have been done. Although the drugs would probably add a few years to my life.

Last chance at teen rebellion

I would like to announce that I will be officially postponing my birthday. Not any birthday celebrations which I may or may not decide to have, but my actual birthday. I demand that I remain 19 until further notice. I don't care if it's not allowed.

A day of the unexpected

So I was walking from Eastern Ave to Bosch for my next lecture which was still about 45 min away this afternoon, strolling along down Physics Road; I look to my right at what's happening down on the rectangular field of grass known as The Square, and what should I see but a bunch of people in dark blue uniforms playing a game of soccer - hey, those uniforms look really familiar...it was Nerds FC! Or half of them anyway, there were about seven people in blue, and some other non-Nerds people playing with them. So I go down to investigate further...one of them definitely looks like Tim, I wonder if Angi's around...and lo and behold, I find Angi sitting near the side watching them. So yay! So I went and said hi to Angi, and the guys were just about finished their game and went to get their stuff from the side as well. It is rather weird seeing people you've seen on TV up close. There was the captain guy, and the guy who thought that they shouldn't have a captain, and the guy with the beer gut. Yeah, I'm very descriptive, I know.

I asked Angi if they still got together on a regular basis to play soccer, and apparently this was the first time they've played since the end of the series, the reason for this meeting was because Honi Soit is doing an article on them or something. Anyway, after a while they all left, and Angi and Tim went to get food, I went with them for a while before leaving to go to my lecture.

So yeah, that was rather unexpected. In a good way though.

*****

On a completely unrelated note, I think I've had an epiphany this week, regarding my life and existence. It probably wouldn't be an epiphany for anyone else, but I feel that I've come to some sort of breakthrough in my thinking. Although the last time I had an epiphany, it didn't last for long and I kinda went back to where I was before. Hopefully it won't be like that again this time.

People are complex.

That is all.

Incoherent jumble of thoughts? (in B major)

Where are all the lonely people?
Are they quietly lost for words?
Did they drown in the music
That fills their lonely world?

Where are all the lonely people?
Are they hiding behind smiles?
Maybe they're just asleep beneath
Their daydreams for a while

Were you lonely as you faced your Father's will?
In the garden, in that darkness,
On the road towards that hill
Where you died


Did you see all the lonely people
As you hung up on the cross?
Did you feel the guilt on you
As you bore what belonged to us?

More than lonely
As He turned His face away
But you only
Could have done what you did that day
You died


Why am I still lonely?
I know you rose again
How long will I be waiting
For this loneliness to end?

Come and fill me
With Your Spirit and Your Word
So I can come before You
And know that I am heard...
And not alone

...

Graduation...Yay we are old.

Things that flow

Time is a relative phenomenon:
Trickling when words fail,
Spurting in dreams,
Flowing in the joy of a moment.

Listening to familiar voices through paper-thin walls
In drowsiness I feel detached from late-night activity
Too tired to bother to make things rhyme
Just a need for ink to flow along with the time
(Ok, but that rhymed.)

Tonight my eyes feel dry
Heater made the air warm and toasty
Thought-clouds above my head too weather-beaten
For tears to flow
(Maybe just don't want to let go.)

Time to sleep in restless slumber
Laughter, handwriting, hair, a tangled mess
Straighten it out in morning's thunder
Though skies pour with rain, the time flows no less.

(January 2006)

Is it light?

Through a montage of experiences we grow,
Moments strung together bead by bead,
Pieces pushed together, patchwork sewn,
Loose threads and untied ends pull at the seams.

If this never comes to pass,
My spirit will not break.
As fragile and cruel as broken glass,
With tears and blood we give and take.

And if I never come to feel
The warmth of something bright and real,
I know with blood my wounds are healed,
My prize no thief can ever steal.

I may not ever close my hand

Around dreams that slip like grains of sand,

My heart no one may understand,

But this is my part in a greater plan.

This blog is going on holidays.

Why?

Because mine are over.


I'm gonna cry...

Just uploading some cool pics from the web in some random archive of my blog...
23.11.06

Of cars breaking down and engagement parties

Saturday was a rather eventful day, not an overly eventful day, but one of those days eventful enough to be worth blogging about.

So yesterday for me started with our first Glue music team meeting of the year, which went alright I think. It was a pretty small group but I think that made it easier for some good discussion to get going.

After that, went home for lunch and got ready for Alan and Alex's engagement party, which needless to say, is the first one I've been to. Kat, Karen and I all went in Trees' car, and off we were to Alex's....that is, until we had to stop to look up directions, and Trees' car wouldn't start again.

We were parked on a relatively steep hill, facing downwards, and thought it would be a good idea to try undoing the hand brake and letting the car roll for a bit, before trying to start it again. Minor panic set in when we started rolling down the hill and Therese said "The brakes aren't working..." Luckily the car stopped again with just the hand brake, albeit accompanied by noises that didn't sound too good and the smell of burning rubber. OK, so we weren't going to try that again...

Thankfully it turned out we were only just around the corner from Alex's house anyway, so after hurried calls to Trees' parents and the NRMA, who said they might be a while, we walked the rest of the way to Alex's and joined the party. But before long the NRMA called to say they were at the car already, so Trees had to dash back out.

The problem turned out to be a flat battery....OK, I have no idea how cars work, I'm going read this article, when I get the time, to find out what was going on with the brakes...but anyway, after the NRMA left, Trees spent around 20 minutes driving around the block, but obviously that wasn't long enough, because it wouldn't start again after she had stopped it again, so then her dad came to jump start and swap cars....meanwhile, the rest of us were enjoying the food and the people and the party...poor Trees :(

But it was all OK in the end...now on to the engagement party side of things. Actually, I can't think of that much to write about the party itself. I guess structurally an engagement party is similar to a birthday party...food, drinks, mingling, photos, cake, short speech, us making Alex and Alan open our present in front of us =P (glad you liked it!)....but of course, going to these things, you're going to be talking about weddings, and other people who are getting married, or are already married, about people who aren't married, and who's going to be married next...

And you know, it all just seems kind of surreal. In a strange way, it made me feel like we were leaving school again. In the car on the way back home, we talked about what would happen to our group once people got married, whether we would drift apart, whether we were drifting apart already, and how we have been/are currently riding the wave of 18ths, 21sts, other birthdays, engagement parties, and later it would be weddings, baby showers, christenings, kids' birthdays, funerals...

I think about the people we were at school, and the people we are now...the things that defined us back then, and the things that define who we are now. Have we changed? I guess we have. I know I have. At least we don't run away screaming every time the word "change" comes up somewhere. (The Board of Studies...how do they come up with such fantastically vague topics? *shakes head* )

So it looks like a new part of our lives is coming up once again, as the first few of us graduate, and the first of us gets married. What will we be striving towards in the future? What sacrifices will we make?

As the officially youngest member of our group (even if it's only by a day, hehe), I hope that we're all still friends when I get married...cos you guys will be waiting for a very, very, very long time.

Tagged...

OK, so I see this pass-it-along-questionnaire thing on church people's blogs...and then I get tagged by...Alicia?? Wow, these things travel fast/are very ubiquitous (my word of the month, for some reason I've been using it more than usual) ...

Four jobs I've had: (and have been paid for!)<--Is this part of the original survey or a Leach addition?? You know it makes it a lot harder to come up with four...
1) Tutoring (= chatting, finding out what's happening at PLC, revisiting Cambridge Latin course)
Umm, errrr...Ok, struggling like Pun did on this one...quite sad really....Oh wait...
2) PSYC 1611
3) 1st year pharmacy
4) Studying 1st year + completing pharmacy degree
LOL, just as sad really...

Four movies I can watch over and over:
1) I don't like watching movies over and over...
2)
3)
4)

Four places I’ve lived:
1) Hong Kong
2) Summer Hill, Sydney
3) Strathfield, Sydney
4) In God's grace (A very good answer by Leach, so had to steal it =P)

Four TV shows I love to watch:
OK, I don't watch a lot of TV, but anyway...
1) Winter Olympics figure skating (it only comes on every 4 years in Oz....and it's so pretty!)
2) Getaway/The Great Outdoors type travel shows (see the world from your living room)
3) Brainiac (not on anymore, hilarious British scientific investigations...)
4) Um, dunno...Beyond Tomorrow or Clever....I've only watched like one episode of each, but I like the science stuff, as you can tell...oh yeah, RPA is pretty good too, gotta love surgery.

Four places I’ve been:
1) Houston (we go there like people go to Hong Kong...almost =P)
2) Las Vegas
3) San Francisco
4) UK

Four favourite dishes:
1) Um...
2) Um...
3) Um...
4) Rice!

Four sites I visit daily:
1) google.com
2) mail.yahoo.com
3) WebCT (when I start uni)
4) dictionary.com (not daily, but more frequently than rarely =p)

Four favourite drinks:
1) Water
2) Tea/Coffee
3) Milk
4) Max Brenner's dark choc frappe....

Four places I would rather be:
1) Non-existence (occasionally)
2) the new creation
3) the Garden of Eden (pre-sin)
4) Um, better put something you can actually get to now....Houston! (sigh...for the family)

Transport: (what kind of a question is this? Don't remember seeing this one on the other version)
1) Walking
2) Bus (go the 480!)
3) Train
4) Metaphysical journey into the realm of dreams (bwahahaha)

Four people I’m tagging:
Arrgh, who am I meant to tag who won't get tagged by someone else??
1) Argonaut
2) Liz (I know you're out there...you can post as a comment)
3) Wes (ditto...ditto)
4) Alex[andra] =p If someone doesn't get to her first!

A Short Film

This is taken from Dan's blog...

Yellow Fever

Goes for about 15 min.....soooo funny =)

(Oh and if you're wondering what his T-shirt says, it's "white people don't see/understand"....rofl)

Love is pain

They say that we might be too young
To truly know the meaning of love
But you can't be too young to know of pain
And perhaps somehow it's all the same


I've been told I should update my blog... *sniff* I bet you once uni starts I'll be blogging far more often than I do now in the holidays, when I actually have spare time to do stuff like blog...funny that...

Anyway...

People have always said love hurts, and I guess that's true, though I have decided to categorise them into two sorts:

One is the self-inflicted torture kind of love (or "love", or *love*, or l.o.v.e., or any other sort of love that gratuitously incorporates punctuation). This is the sort of love that gets sung about in songs on the radio; the boy-likes-girl-but-girl-thinks-boy-is-a-twit sort of love, the I-know-you've-left-me-but-I'll-keep-on-stalking-you sort of love, or even the I-love-my-guitar-so-much-I'm-gonna-play-it-till-my-fingers-bleed sort of love (although that last one is a bit tangential and would probably be in a spin-off category on it's own).

This is sort of love, while exerting a heavy emotional burden on the subject's consciousness, is in a way, completely and utterly useless, because it is focused on either the future or the past; it has no real relevance to the person's present existence (other than exerting a large gravitational force on the shoulders of one's soul, if indeed a soul could be said to have shoulders). So an example of Self-Inflicted Torture Love grounded in the future would be the person who wishfully hopes the object of their love would some day reciprocate their feelings, that all their dreams would be fulfilled...and an example of this sort of love grounded in the past would be someone pining after last season's relationship that went out of fashion in the worst way possible, wishing time would rewind to that wonderful place in history.


The second sort of love that hurts is self-sacrificing love. This sort of love, while absent of gratuitous punctuation, is in fact the sort of Love that deserves to be capitalised (if you're the sort of person who can be bothered to capitalise things). Self-Sacrificing Love is not trendy, sexy, cool or marketable (unless you are from Hillsong). I would say that it is patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast and is not proud, but that would be ripping off some dude called Paul. It is the sort of Love that makes a new mother get up several times a night to feed her child, the Love that sees you talking to a loner when you would rather be doing something else, it is the sort of Love that tells someone they've done something wrong even though they might hate you for it. Love serves others. Love is what nailed Jesus to a cross, to reconcile to God the people He Loves.

Love is not lost in memories of the past or dreams of the future, though it can look back and forward to these things. But Love is to be lived now, both in your mind and amongst other people now, otherwise there would be no future to long for and no past to cherish.

Love is not to be wrapped up in protective layers, as if it were a fragile moment in time, hanging on a wisp of silence, afraid to be broken in the way a gaze can be broken. Love cannot be afraid, because it seeks to speak to people's fears.**


While the first sort of love is not like the second sort of love, both are felt, and both hurt. So I guess both can be learned from, because pain, I believe, is what they call character-building stuff.


~Um, end of sermon....~


Sooooo....it's probably not all as simple as all that, I am only "young" after all....yes, disagree with whatever you like, there's probably more holes in there than in a piece of Swiss cheese.


**For more on love, layers and fears, see Encouragement: The Key to Caring, by Dr. Larry Crabb and Dr. Dan Allender, a book which has spread through a certain sub-sect of WS over the past few months faster than you can say "plague, without the negative connotations".

A guitar and small glimpses of my room

 

A long post about last week, this week, and other stuff

So I gather people have had enough of my *works of art* and it is time for a new post.

What have I been up to?...Well, I will actually be off to my church's Leaders' Retreat in a few hours. Wow, has it already been a whole week since KYLC ended?

Yesterday: saw Memoirs of a Geisha, and the Australia Day fireworks. I like the Australia Day ones because they are so close, you can smell the sulfur and it feels like a few of the stray sparks are going to fall on you. As it was happening I thought about how glorious it was and how when Jesus returns it will be a thousand times better. I've never really grasped how magnificent Jesus' return will be like, there's nothing you can really compare it with, so for now I'll think of it as a really really really good fireworks display.

Geisha was alright, they experienced *technical difficulties* halfway through the movie, the only way to describe how the movie stopped playing was that it was like someone burning a hole in the middle of a picture, and the white hole gradually spread to the edges of the screen, and then it went all black, accompanied by a noise that sounded like a cassette tape getting stuffed up. So we had to sit there for a few minutes while they fixed it. That was interesting, never had that happen to me before.

Last Saturday: Woke up late, went to Glue leaders' meeting, went to see Symphony in the Domain (Gershwin's World), with Pun, Angi and Loz. They opened with Rhapsody in Blue, and closed with An American in Paris, and Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture (which is obviously not Gershwin, but I suppose it was a good excuse to incorporate fireworks into the performance). (Yay for fireworks!) We should definitely go again next year, with more people.

Last Monday-Friday: Katoomba Youth Leaders' Convention. If I could post everything we learnt about, I would, but that would take way too long. Overall, for me anyway, it was a week of lack of sleep, learning to play texas hold'em (and actually winning a few times), learning the meaning of the word "safe" (don't ask), going though biblical theology and trying to write a Bible study on Amos 5:18-27, and lots of challenging talks and workshops.

The thing that challenged me most was whether or not we are living consistently in our day to day lives as well as in church on Sundays. The speaker, Al Stewart, described it as "the carpark miracle" - the church carpark is where miracles can happen, in terms of people's behaviour - as soon as you step outside your car, you transform yourself into a perfect Christian, and no one has to know what you get up to during the week.

And also I was challenged by how you can be involved in religious activity, but have your heart far away from God.

I came home with my messy notes, and as usual after these camps, felt like there was so much you learnt and were challenged by, and so much you have to change in your life or in your attitude towards things....but then time passes, and you kinda forget about how fired up you were, and then never get around to it.

So then I thought I might try to write a song about the stuff I had been taught, because I find that songs are a good way to remember a bunch of words you wouldn't otherwise remember (hence the Glue mission statement song, and the one with Colossians 1:28 as the chorus, for those of you who know what I'm talking about). So I went through my notes on the talks and wrote down all the points that had jumped out at me, and then tried to force some structure into it and make it rhyme, etc, etc...and a lot of experimenting and D/F# chords later....a song! (which sounds like all my other ones, but oh well, I know I'm doomed to being boring and unoriginal.)

After I had finished it, felt pretty satisfied, played it a few times, tried it out on piano...but the weird thing was, the more I worked on it, the less sincere I felt, and at one point I thought that by writing it maybe I was contradicting what I was actually writing about. It's kinda hard to explain. Trying not to be a hypocrite but feeling hypocritical about it.

Some of the words are either directly from the speaker's notes, or my notes...so it might not ever make complete sense to other people...but it makes sense to me, I guess. My KYLC in a package, you could call it.

When You Return
I’m sorry Lord when I fill my life with empty words
And sometimes when I sing, an empty song is all that’s heard
I’m sorry when I break the promises I’ve made
And when You see my heart drifting further and further away

I’m sorry Lord when I strive to fill my life with things of this world
And when I forget I need to be changed by Your Word
I’m sorry I forget You always keep the promises You’ve made
And the pain it causes You when we turn away

Sometimes this world feels like a tragedy
And we wonder if You’re there
But it’s Your severe mercy
That shows how much You care

And if it wasn’t for the power of the cross
I wouldn’t see Your salvation on the other side of Judgement Day
I want You to see me living more like You each day, till when You return
I want to enter Your kingdom with the humble heart that You’ve set me free to have
And know You are with us as we share Your love
Till when You return again

Messy Room

Everything is everywhere
Dusty carpet, strands of hair
Search for order in the chaos
Wouldn't know what has been lost
Clothes absorb the stifling heat
Remnants of sleep in unmade sheets
Objects languish on the floor
Just ignore it, close the door

My room needs cleaning. It's a work in progress. At least did something productive today in the form of vacuuming the house for the duration of one and a third Taxiride albums. So now my mummy will be happy because the whole house is vacuumed...except for my room that is, because you can't really see much carpet at the moment.

I wonder how many trees go into someone's education and training in a lifetime. There's a lot of ex-trees in this room, some of them in rather expensive forms which have barely been used:



Here are Five Ways To Entertain Yourself With Therapeutic Guidelines (besides reading them):
1. House of cards


2. Lattice


3. Spiral staircase


4. Modern sculpture


5. Errr....inspired by The Da Vinci Code...



Yeah, um...back to cleaning up my room.

Free education

My new internet-based addiction (in the mildest sense of the word) is Wikipedia. Hours of educational entertainment. Or just education. Yes, it is a bit sad, I know. But at least now I'm not addicted to blogs or MSN. (I think...)

One article which I found educational was the one on pharmacists, I think a lot of people (including me at one stage) don't actually know what pharmacists do. I've never really been able to explain it that well myself, maybe because I still don't actually know the definitive answer. But I think this article covers it pretty well. I definitely should have read something like this before I put pharmacy as my first preference *all those years ago*. Halfway through reading the list of "roles", I felt like crying. Don't ask why. The article on "pharmacy" is good too. And if you really want to know what pharmacokinetics is...

And on a different but related note, I think this Wiki article definitely has to be my favourite so far. Enough said.