You've gotta love this city...

My last evening in Sydney for the year 2004. At this time tomorrow, I will be in a plane somewhere over the Indian Ocean.

I think my last full day in Sydney was rather productive. Packing, got a haircut, more packing...oh yeah, and after eighteen-and-a-half years of being unconventional, my mum decided to go all normal on me and requested that I clean my room before we leave:

The stressed-out, clean-freak, nagging mother logic for why I should clean my room: You need to vacuum the floor and wipe the dust off everything, and have everything all sparking clean before you go on a long trip, because all this dust is going to settle and fester during the time we're away, and everything will be really filthy when we come back (or something to that effect - it was in Cantonese, it's a bit hard to do a direct translation.)
The lazy uni-student response to why I shouldn't have to clean my room: Why would you want to make everything clean, when you won't even be living there? And if it's just going to get dusty while you're away, why not wait until you come back and do one big clean up? Stuff in my room has been gathering dust for the past four years anyway, I'm sure another six weeks won't make much of a difference. And anyway, I'm eighteen now, I have the right to live in a pig-sty if I want to. (No, I didn't say that last bit out loud).
The loving, caring, Christian daughter response: Just do what she says and clean the room.

At first I was just going to vacuum the floor, since I really haven't vacuumed the floor of my room for a very long time. Then after I had done that, I noticed that some of the stuff sitting on the top of my bookshelf was indeed very dusty, so I wiped the dust off a few of the really dirty things. Then I thought, well, if I'm going to wipe the dust off a few things, I might as well do it properly and wipe the dust off everything else there. To do that I would have to move everything off the bookshelf on to somewhere else....my desk would be most convenient. Except I had too much stuff on my desk, so I had to rearrange all the stuff on my desk first. In doing so, I noticed that the stuff on my desk was also very dusty, so I decided to wipe the dust off all the things on my desk too.

So began my review lesson on the concept of "surface area to volume ratio": indeed, lots of small items = more surface to wipe dust off than a single big item.

It also occured to me as I was doing this that I am incredibly blessed to have so many things to wipe dust off.

So now my room is really clean. Yay for my neat, organised, dustless room, that will be uninhabited by humans for the next six weeks! I hope the presence of God enjoys it.

Ahem...yeah...

I'm going to miss Christmas in Sydney this year. I'll miss the people, the summer...but I guess I'll have other things to look forward to.

Hehehe, look at the length of this post....Look at all the stuff on this blog! I can't believe I've managed to write so much useless information in less that a month. Thank you to everyone who's read/contributed to the verbal diarrhoea on this page :P

Goodnight Sydney!

Going under

No, I didn't drown.

But yes, I did get flowers :P

And I'm feeling a lot happier today :)

Fallen

certainhope.blogspot.com. Why did I pick "certainhope"? Well, I guess it was because it wasn't already taken by someone else... And I guess I like the sound of it. And it means something to me.

But sometimes it's really hard to live up to. Especially when you feel that hope is anything but certain. Or is it? Is it possible to hold the Christian hope and feel the deepest depths of despair simultaneously?

Depression: I guess these days it somehow manages to be both cliched and taboo. You hear about it all the time, but no one talks about it. Both overpublicised and unspoken of.

Maybe it's more common than you think it is. Look around you. Happy faces everywhere. Which ones are real, and which ones are just a facade, put on to fool the world into thinking they're alright?

I could be wrong. After all, is anything ever right? Everything that I try to do is "wrong" in some way. Not good enough for me, not good enough for someone else. But does it matter? Why do I spend so much time caring about what other people think?

Thinking....my mum thinks that I think too much. My dad says I try to solve problems the wrong way...I should either just accept it, or do something about it. None of this sitting in the middle stuff. Thinking.

"I think, therefore I am". Therefore I am what? It is only because I am something that I can think.

Why does this part of me even exist? I do what I know I shouldn't do, and I don't do what I should do.

I wonder if anyone has ever drowned while getting baptised? Theoretically, you could go under and never come up again....

People always give flowers at baptisms. But not everyone gets them. You only get them if you have the flower-giving type of friends. Not that it matters or anything. It doesn't have anything to do with flowers anyway. But people like to give them.

Should I post this? Should I not post this? Will anyone read this? Probably. What will they think of me? Does it matter? Will they care? Depends on who it is. Is this wrong? Everything I do can potentially be wrong.

Sleeping Beauty

So tired of life
Will a hundred years of sleep renew me?

Things will change
Things will progress
While I am in some distant dream
Dreaming of what could be

If you find me
Will you love me?
Will you want to wake me up
To your real world,
Your world of vitality?

Please don't love me
Don't kiss me awake
I want to sleep forever

Superheroes

Yawn...does anyone even read this blog anymore? Oh well, at least I know my alter-ego Vivian still does :P

Superheroes

People walking down the street
Random faces flashing past
Maybe hiding secrets that
No one else could know about

Thinking thoughts so deep
That they could drown while they're asleep
Dreaming where they could succeed
Perhaps achieve the unachieved

We think we're invincible
Crawling our way to the top
And just when we think we've made it we're
Unexpectedly at the bottom again

People living like superheroes
Needing no one else
Superheroes can save the world
But they can't save themselves

Passions bottled up inside
Encounters playing like a movie reel
Keep trying to find ways
To express all that we feel

People on the radio
Sing songs about someone special
But do they know where they are going to
Or who they're running from?

Our freedom traps us
There's nowhere we can turn
Blinded by a burning rage that's
Steaming up the windows to our soul

People living like superheroes
Needing no one else
Superheroes can save the world
But they can't save themselves

Will you grow more satisfied
As you get old?
Your heart is burning with worldly desires
But your soul is cold

People living like superheroes
But they need someone else
We keep trying to fix the world
While we destroy ourselves

We need a superhero
Someone unlike anything else
That this world has to offer
Someone to save us from ourselves

~Vivian

Randomness

Recently, I looked up the lyrics to that Delta Goodrem song, Out of the Blue, and basically, I didn't like them. To say that they were too soppy would be an understatement. So I decided to write another version, the results of which turned out to be, erm, rather depressing:

(Oh, if you aren't familiar with the original lyrics, you might want to check them out first, like here maybe)

Out of the Blue: The version for after they broke up

A sinking feeling
In the middle of the night
Lying awake
Wondering
When it all would end
I knew you never could play tennis anyway
But I guess we're meant to play life's game alone

Out of control
In a black hole
I've never been anywhere that's so cold
I can't find my way
Anywhere in this darkness
Insanity screaming to me
I've never felt this crazy or so
Out of control
No hope for my soul

People like you cause me great strife
I think you've nearly ruined my life
With slander, deceitfulness and all your lies
An AVO will keep us apart
I want you to know you broke my heart
It's turning into a horrible nightmare

I was stupid
To think that you were nice
Spent too much time dreaming about you everyday
The press had snapped it up
Gossip columns would erupt
The world found out that I was all alone

I don't want you to see me cry
I don't want you to tell me why
I know that wounds will heal as time goes by
And it was my choice to bear my heart
By writing this song; turn life to art
Played and sung over and over again

Out of control
Should go on the dole
I'm singing as bad as Shannon Noll
I think that this pain
Goes deeper than any ocean
Dragged out over the airwaves...

Out of control
No hope for my soul

The weird thing is, I started out trying to write something funny....and then it just turned into something depressing, a lot darker than I intended it to be. (Well, with the exception of a few lines that are just plain stupid.)

By the end of writing it, instead of only feeling that her original lyrics were pretty lame, like I did at first, I actually felt quite sorry for her.

Of course, that's just my interpretation of events, she could be really happy for all I know.

Links!

What better way to be a vegetable than to do some more blogging?

Accomplishment for this afternoon: I worked out how to add a "Links" sections to the sidebar! Yay! It took me ages to figure out what on earth I was meant to be doing, though. I'm so computer illiterate it's not funny.

Hmmm...I'm now tempted to see what else I can do with this blog. I think I'm getting kind of addicted to this whole blogging thing...hehehe, so sad :P

Post-exam yayness and random musings

I have no more exams.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, now that's over and done with, let's move on.

Someone said to me last night that they've been reading this blog, and commented that some of the stuff I write here, they wouldn't really expect of me. Kind of as if there's a "hidden side" of me they don't know about. Hehehehe, maybe I have an alter-ego trying take over me :P

I guess there's quite a bit some people might not know about me, especially if they only see me for a few hours each week. It's probably true for everyone. You show different sides of you in different situations, when you're among different people. And then blogging is a whole new game altogether...you can have quite a bit of time to think about how you're going to phrase things, what effect you'd like to achieve by saying stuff. It can be quite spontaneous, or you might spend ages wording and rewording a sentence. And then you can always go back and edit what you've written.

I have this really weird feeling a lot of things are going to change next year. In some ways I think it's already started. Maybe the big guy upstairs is trying to tell me something...

Now that exams are over, I have to start packing for this big holiday my parents and I are going on...sigh, I kind of wish I could just stay here and bludge all summer. Don't feel like doing anything that requires too much energy.

On the upside, I will get to see my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins very soon. It's going to be a HUGE relo bash.....what with Christmas, my grandparents' 50th anniversary, and my aunt and uncle's 25th anniversary celebrations. Expecting lots of tears, tantrums, food, craziness, and disrupted sleep. It's going to be a hectic summer (well, actually, it'll be winter up there).

Yawn...I think I'll be a vegetable while I still can...

COMA on Genesis 12:1-7

Just received a "friendly mid-week reminder" from leaders to do my preparation for GLUE bible study this Friday, so might as well do it now.

As I mentioned in passing in my last post, this term we are looking at Biblical Theology, which is defined as "the study of God's unfolding plan in the Bible which shows that the central purpose of God is the cross of Christ". So in other words, looking at how the whole Bible is ultimately all about Jesus Christ's work on the cross, and how God has been planning this all along. (Btw, if any GLUE leaders are reading this, please tell me if I'm saying anything heretical.)

This is obvious enough in the New Testament, since it was written after Jesus had already come, but not so obvious when reading the Old Testament.

So anyway, we're looking at Genesis this week. COMA is an acronym for Context, Observation, Meaning and Application - these are the things we're meant to consider about a passage, to be able to read the Bible without misinterpreting it. But I think COMA is a rather unfortunate acronym, especially when you've only had three hours sleep, so to make it more stimulating for myself, I'm going to use MOCHA:

Meaning (do this third);
Observation (do this second);
Context (do this first); and
Help! I can't figure out how to do
Application

Context (Where does it fit?)
Well, this passage is about Abram (that's Abraham before his name was changed) and God telling him to go to Canaan. Go back a few chapters and you'll find the story about Noah and the flood. Abram is a descendant of Noah's son Shem. Chapter 11 is about the Tower of Babel and the scattering of the world's people. So the setting for God calling Abram is a bit of a messed up world - people were really bad so God punished them with a giant flood, and then later people were still bad and tried to gang up against God, so God confused them and scattered them all over the world.

Observation (How is it written?)
Genesis is a historical narrative, and in this passage we have the main characters of Abram and God. The basic plot is that God does some talking to Abram and he obeys.

Meaning (What's it saying and what does it tell us about the bigger picture?)
God tells Abram to "Leave your country...and go to the land I will show you". He promises that He will bless Abram and make him into a great nation, and that all people on the earth will be blessed through him. Which is, like, pretty major stuff. So I guess this passage tells us that not only is God going to punish the sinfulness of humanity, like with the flood and the Tower of Babel, but He will also bless us, which I assume means that at some point the punishment will end. Jesus, Abraham's descendant, will ultimately end God's punishment of humans and bring us eternal blessing.

Help! I can't figure out how to do...
Ok, ok I'll try....

Application (Why does this matter? How does it instruct us?)
Hmmm....now this is where I get stuck because I think I've kind of covered it in Meaning. The passage shows that God is faithful to His people and is planning to do great things, i.e send Jesus. Maybe another thing is that Abram's faithfulness and obedience to God kind of reflects the faithfulness and obedience of Jesus to his Father. Hmmm, not really sure, think I'll just ask on Friday (yes, taking the easy option now). Oh yeah, and I'd like to acknowledge my study Bible: couldn't have done this without it :)

Haiku poems

Feeling poetic
A blog can be useful for
Typing out some lines

Haiku poems are strange
They don't even have to rhyme
Just count syllables:

Five in the first line
Seven in the second line
And five in the third


At GLUE we're doing
Biblical Theology
Haven't done homework :(


Picked up dad's guitar
A few months back and have been
Trying to play it

Just found out this week
It is not an acoustic
It's a classical

Feeling stupid now
Probably should have asked him
What guitar it was

Didn't know there was
A difference between them
I guess I do now!

~It's moments like these you need minties~

Five down, three to go

Don't you just love it when your multiple choice answer sheet starts coming up with nice patterns? Today I had a b c d e d c b c d e thing going and got a lovely oscillating sine curve running from questions 1 to 25. It's also great because when you don't know which one to pick, you just pick the one that makes the pattern look the best. Ah yes, beauty can be found in unexpected places.

Out of control...

It's at times like this when you feel that your life is solely in the hands of God...there is nothing more you can do to help yourself...




Well actually.....I guess I could re-read my notes on Toxicology and Drug Metabolism, but then that would defeat the purpose of this post.

Yawn...

Man, this is boring....how many hours have I got left? Hmmm...ten hours till my next exam. I wonder how many of those I'll get to sleep through.

Four down, four to go...

Well, at least we're halfway there now...

Physiology stuff

Consciousness

EGG frequencies

• Alpha waves = subject awake, relaxed, eyes closed
• Beta waves = subject awake, alert, eyes open
• Theta waves = in NREM sleep (stage 3)
• Delta waves = in NREM sleep, especially stage 4 - slow wave sleep
• Very high or very low frequencies are abnormal, eg. very slow waves during coma, flat record for non-functional cortex

Large EGG amplitude reflects low levels or cortical activity, small amplitude reflects high levels of cortical activity.

3 diffuse modulatory systems (norepinephrine, serotonin, acetylcholine):

• Ascending pathways involved in waking and sleep
• Have cell bodies in brainstem
• Axons project to widespread regions of cortex (and to spinal cord)
• Could modulate excitability of cortex (and spinal cord)

Reticular formation

• Core region of brainstem
• Contains many nuclei, and ascending and descending fibres
• Receives input from all sensory pathways
• Projects widely to cortex (also to spinal cord using the multineuronal motor pathways)
• Includes brainstem components of the 3 diffuse systems; also the cardiovascular and respiratory centres

Waking depends on ascending activity from the reticular formation.

Norepinephrine and serotonin(5HT) systems are implicated as being the RF components and ascending pathways responsible for waking. In NREM sleep there is decreased activity in NE and 5HT neurons, whereas a subset of ACh neurons increase their firing. In REM sleep NE and 5HT neurons almost stop firing and there is increased firing of ACh neurons in the pons.

Don't worry, I have no idea what I'm talking about either, and the exam is tomorrow!

Movement

Alpha motor neurons

• Cell bodies in ventral, grey matter of spinal cord
• Axons are large-diameter and myelinated, fast-conducting, run in spinal nerves out to muscles
• Carry the messages for goal-directed movements, postural movements and muscle tone
• CNS influences on movements must be by influencing alpha motor neurons

5 influences on alpha motor neurons

1. Inputs from afferent neurons

• Reflex arc: receptor - afferent input - intergration centre - alpha motor neurons - skeletal muscle

2. Inputs from primary motor cortex

• Corticospinal system (the pyramidal tract, direct pathway)

3. Inputs from brainstem nuclei

• Multineuronal system (the extrapyramidal tracts, indirect pathways)

4. Adjustments by the basal nuclei

5. Adjustments by the cerebellum

Waahh! I think I just failed my oral exam!

Hmmm...after that performance, I think I may have to do Pharmacy 2B again next year. But looking on the bright side, that's kind of OK, maybe I'll make better pharmacist if I learn everything twice! And anyway, I really don't want to do Pharmacy 3A next semester, it looks even more difficult and boring than this year's stuff.

So maybe it's just as well that it went really badly. Oh well, no point thinking about it now, it's over! Yay!

Right....only five more exams to do....

Maxamox

Ok, time for some studying. My Pharmacy Practice 2B oral assessment is on Friday, and I have been given the following scenario:

Joe (35 years old) is a regular customer of your pharmacy. He comes in today and presents a new prescription for the following medication:

Maxamox 1000mg,
One tablet to be taken twice a day

Patient history: Joe is not taking any other presciption or over-the-counter medications. He has had antibiotics in the past.

So....what might I need to know for Friday? Maxamox is the antibiotic amoxycillin trihydrate, which is a penicillin. According to Mims Online, it is meant to be used for "acute exacerbation of chronic bronchitis", with chronic bronchitis being excessive mucous production and airway inflammation, probably caused by smoking. So I should probably ask Joe if he smokes.

But the CMI says that "Maxamox is used for the treatment of chest infections". So I wonder if that means Joe doesn't necessarily have to have chronic bronchitis to get a chest infection? After all, his patient history says he isn't taking any other medications. Still, probably should ask in case he's been going to another pharmacy or something.

Also, need to ask if he's taken penicillins or cephalosporins before, he could get an allergic reaction. If he says yes, need to ask what sort of reaction he had to them, if any. An allergic reaction may include wheezing; shortness of breath; swelling in the face, lips or tongue; skin rash, itching or hives. If he's had any of these symptoms before when taking penicillin, I cannot give him Maxamox. If it was only nausea or diarrhoea, then it's ok for him to take it. If he had a delayed (after 3 days of starting treatment) or mild rash, he needs to use it with caution. So if he starts having any syptoms of an allergic reaction, he should go to a doctor immediately.

How to take it: he has to take one tablet twice a day, so that's 12 hours apart, perhaps at 7am and 7pm. He should take it at the same time everyday for it work the best, and he should take it with a glass of water. It can be taken with or without food. He also has to make sure he finishes the whole course, even if he feels better after a few days, to make sure the infection is totally cleared.

Missed doses: If you remember within two hours of the time you were meant to take it, then it's ok to take it. If it is more than two hours, just skip that tablet and take a tablet at the time you're meant to for the next dose. NEVER take a double dose to make up for the missed one.

Possible side effects:
Mild: oral thrush (white, furry, sore tongue); mild diarrhoea; nausea; headache
Severe: allergic reaction (see above); severe abdominal cramps, watery and severe diarrhoea - symptoms of rare side effects, either pseudomembranous or haemorrhagic colitis, infections in the bowel.

Storage: Below 25 C and away from moisture.

Hmmm...I think that's a lot more than five pieces of information (you're only meant to give five pieces or information to a patient verbally). Plus I've only got five minutes...and still haven't mentioned precautions. Might just highlight storage in the CMI.

Precautions: renal or hepatic impairment (i.e. kidney or liver problems), asthma, lymphatic leukaemia (more suscpetible to skin rash) - I guess I only have to ask about these, doesn't really count as a piece of info to give him.

Now, what else do I have to remember? Need to introduce myself, ask who he is, ask if the medication is for him, if he has any other medical conditions or taking any medications...hmmm, i mentioned that already. Also need to remember that Joe is possibly blind, deaf, intellectually impaired, non-English speaking, angry, anxious, depressed, distracted, or in a hurry. Oh yeah, need to state the purpose of the counselling, summarise the points at the end and/or ask him to repeat it back to me.

Wow....I actually got some work done today! Yay! Hmmm, maybe blogging is useful after all perhaps I'll do this for all my other exams too...although anyone who is not a pharmacy student who reads this is going to fall asleep. And if you are a pharmacy student...well, I guess if you're doing the same stuff as me, you'll find this blog very useful :)

Who would have thought? Using a blog to motivate me to write study notes???

First Post!

Well, first of all I'd like to say I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. I don't particularly like or know much about computers, so why I'm starting a blog, well, who knows? Actually, it's 'cause I'm really really bored. I'm actually meant to be studying....for one of the six remaining exams i have....six!!! Argh! And I've already done two this week! Crazy pharmacy degree....soooo boring. The only good thing about it is being able to say you're studying to be a professional drug dealer, hehehe...but even that joke is wearing a bit thin by now.

Well, anyway, hopefully starting a blog will come in handy for something, like....i don't know, spending even more hours of the day sitting at a desk, getting weak abdominal muscles and becoming even more short sighted than I already am. *Sigh*

Oh well...hmmm, I think I'll see what this looks like now...