Last chance at teen rebellion

I would like to announce that I will be officially postponing my birthday. Not any birthday celebrations which I may or may not decide to have, but my actual birthday. I demand that I remain 19 until further notice. I don't care if it's not allowed.

How good is your life?

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	4.9
Mind:	3.6
Body:	6.8
Spirit:	5.4
Friends/Family:	2.9
Love:	0
Finance:	4.8
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Yay for quizzes stolen off other people's blogs!


OK, so my life sucks. Hmmm...should I be worried? =P

I like my score for "love".

*ROFL*

The way things work

enough time to study + no procrastination = enough time to study

enough time to study + procrastination = not enough time to study

Therefore
enough time to study + procrastination + self-induced sleep deprivation = enough time to study

Now
enough time to study may or may not = good marks

And
good marks = meaningless

So what am I stressing about?


For a moment then the thought crossed my mind that maybe I've never really done anything useful in my life. And that maybe I never will. I don't really feel like I can do anything right. It seems like a useless struggle.

This week sucks.

Late night meandering rhymings

Feeling uninspired
Feeling like nothing has transpired
I even had to look up that word
It was something that I've heard
But didn't know what it meant

Feeling kinda tired
Feeling like my brain has been rewired
What's the big deal
With writing how I feel
All that time spent

Writing out the lines
As if lines could make my paths straight
As if lines could get rid of all the hate
As if lines could tell my fate

I'll give you my hand
Maybe then you'd understand
Not that lines could tell my fate
Not that hands could ever equate
To what is felt inside

But hand in hand
Even if you still don't understand
No longer alone to keep the pace
No longer alone the world to face
No longer a need to hide

10 Things I Hate About Myself

I hate it when I feel too tired for QTs or for prayer,
I hate that uni is so hard, I hate how I don't care.
I hate how things I should enjoy can seem like such a chore,
I hate how things that once made sense, don't make sense anymore.
I hate when I'm awake at night, I hate it when I cry,
I hate the way I get depressed and feel like I should die.
I hate when I think I should smile and say things are OK...
But mostly I hate not being able to finish this off properly, cos I'm all rhymed out for today!

Not this again...

What is it with me and leaving assignments that require a lot of work and planning till the night before they're due?

So I find myself in this now familiar situation once more...you'd think I'd have learnt from all those other times to get things done earlier (and not waste time by blogging about it =P).

Yawn, this report is so boring and hard....it's probably gonna take me all night/morning to finish, and the worst thing is, it's only worth 3.75% (25% of 15%) !! And I'm gonna have to do yet another one of these in a few weeks time! I would seriously write crap and hand it in, only it's a group-work thing, so I kinda have to do my best...or at least something substantial.

The funny thing is, I'm so disorganised with my uni work these days; I procrastinate and leave things to the very last minute, but with Glue music stuff I'm, like, borderline control freak. I start getting stressed if I'm not two weeks on top of the schedule. Why is that? I think people expect me to be like that with my uni work as well...maybe I used to be, once upon a time, but definitely not anymore.

Plus my room is such a mess these days...it used to be super neat and tidy, but now...I think it looks pretty normal...haha...much like my exam marks, methinks.

Oh well, let's face it, when you get down to it, uni is boring. And work will probably be boring too, which is why I'm not all that keen to start any time soon. Although I think I am finding this semester less unbearable than last semester...but the prospect of going into pharmacy as a career, and just the whole pharmacy degree in general....I think I would liken it to the prospect of having to drink a cold cup of tea. Not the iced sort of cold, but tepid, or lukewarm. The sort that starts off steamy and interesting, but over time, gets cold, and it's like, if you still had to drink it, you probably would, but if you had a choice, you'd rather not have to drink it.

So since I'm more than halfway through this cold cup of tea, I suppose I'd better just hold my nose and gulp the rest of it down as quickly as possible. I just hope I don't choke.

Tunnels and blinkers

I'm tired of looking at the bigger picture. My peripheral vision is getting strained.

Although staring at your own belly-button isn't exactly conducive to personal growth either.

Belly-buttons are a strange part of the anatomy. A lot of people often wonder whether Adam and Eve had belly-buttons, since they weren't born from mothers. I suppose they wouldn't have had them.

Other than that, everyone pretty much has a belly button. (Well, unless you're one of those people who used to be morbidly obese, and then lost lots of weight, but then you end up with lots of loose, wrinkly skin because it's been stretched for so long, so you go and get plastic surgery to get it all cut off, and in the process they cut off the belly button, so then they usually put in a fake one. But that's a different story.) Err...where was I? Oh yeah, everyone has a belly button. In a some ways, it's a symbol of your independence more than your own car, your own house, your own job will ever be. That moment when the doctor clamps off that blood supply from your mother, the lifeline that delivers oxygen and nutrients to your body...well, you're all on your own.

It's probably a good thing we don't consciously remember being born. I suppose it would be a rather traumatic experience (yes, I mean for the baby). I mean, you would probably be going, "What on earth is all this stuff?? Air? Light? ARGH!! Put me back in, put me back in!"

My parents once joked about how the first time my dad saw me after I had just been born, I was yawning, as if I was bored already. Which I suppose would have been an interesting first impression to make on your parents, these days it's usually kicking and screaming, since the parents would most likely be present at the actual birth. (Yes, it's rather funny now I think about it, how neither of my parents saw me being born, my mum was under full anaesthetic, and they didn't allow dads into the operating theatre back then. And my mum didn't get to see me until I was two days old. What a great way to start off their one shot a parenthood :P)

Back to belly-buttons...yes, it is rather clever of God to allow us to be able to scab from our mothers for nine months and then be separated with minimal fuss. Although of course these days, some people like to punch holes through it so they can decorate it and show it off. Maybe in the future belly-buttons will be a bit of an ethical statement, kind of like saying "I'm a REAL person, I wasn't grown in a petri dish!" But thankfully, I think that's still a long way off.

Now that I've dedicated a whole page to a reduntant part of our anatomy, I can't remember what I was originally meant to be writing about. Ah yes, looking at the bigger picture. And needing to stop being so self-focused. I suppose as always, balance is the best way to go about these things. A sense of self without being myopic and a sense of the bigger things without getting lost in the vastness of it all.

Sometimes I think they have the right idea with horses. You put blinkers on them so they can see where they're meant to be going, but they don't get distracted. So they give you tunnel-vision, but at least you're focused on the right things, right?

I guess what I'm trying to say is, having a sense of direction is very important. And I think I'm somewhat lacking in this department, although this was probably evident from before I was born, when I didn't know you were meant to turn around in utero. (I mean, it's not like I had a compass in there, how was I meant to know which way was south?) Well, maybe not entirely lacking, I know where I'm going in the end, like at the very end, but in the mean time I'm just kinda hanging around, waiting for it to happen...

Really need to stop talking about myself so much. Post is getting long and rant-y. And never get around to talking about the things that really matter. Someone get me blinkers for my head, please...

"Whoever digs a pit may fall into it..." (Ecc 10:8)

I came home last night from youth group, and had a minor disagreement with my mum (like, it was over something really trivial). And then I felt it happening again. Only this time I was vaguely aware of the process as it was occurring: firstly, feeling a tightness around your chest, so that you can feel every heart beat and you have to put in more effort to breathe; and then having your head start to think things: Why don't you just kill yourself now? You are so worthless. Do something to hurt yourself.

And then some other part of my head was thinking, noooooo, not this again. Don't be stupid. It doesn't make sense to think like this.

I've noticed that quite frequently I come home on Friday nights and feel like crap. Don't get me wrong, I love going to youth group and I usually feel great when I'm there. But there's just something about all the social activity, all these people, smiling, laughing, talking...it's almost like a buzz or a high...and then coming home to a quiet house....everything just plummets. What goes up must come down...? Something to do with loneliness? Or maybe just tiredness after a long week.

Of course it doesn't just happen on Friday nights. The nights before assignments are due. The night before an exam. During this semester, the nights before I had to go into the pharmacy to do my weekly externship placement, and the nights before pharmacy practice tutorials. I always felt sick going into those.

It must be to do with feeling a lack of control. Knowing you're wrong. Feeling like you don't know enough to do something. Having no time to prepare for something. Having to be rushed.

(So why don't I organise my time better? Prepare earlier? Hehe, I don't know. I put off what I hate doing...but then one of the reasons why I hate it in the first place is because I always feel so stressed at the last minute.)

So just little things like that...that push my mind over the edge again.

Now that it's happened so much over the past few months, I have to start getting some logic out of it all. Work out when and why it happens. So that I can control my feelings and not let them control me.

It's difficult to think about it objectively though. I feel like such a freak sometimes, but I know there's got to be other people who go through something similar, and probably even worse than what I feel. A few weeks ago, the women's group at church had an afternoon where the speakers talked about Christianity and depression...heaps of people turned up. The talks were helpful and informative...but for me, it still feels like you're doing something wrong if you personally admit to it. I mean, I have a really blessed life, and because I don't get it all the time, I'm pretty sure the chemicals in my brain are fine....so maybe it's my fault, a character flaw I just have to fix up?

We've been studying Ecclesiastes in our bible study this term, and one of the questions last night really jumped out at me...well, actually it was two questions. The first one was 'Where would you plot yourself on a scale showing attitude to life under the sun?'...and there was this scale from 1 to 5, with 1 being 'despair of life', 3 being 'balanced', and 5 being 'live life to the full'. The next question was 'Is it possible to experience the attitudes at both ends of the scale simultaneously? Which do you think is better: to have a balanced approach to life, or one holding two extremes at the same time?'

And I smiled at the second question, because I remember writing something like "is it possible to feel certain hope and the deepest depths of despair simultaneously?" (or something to that effect) in a post I did ages ago. I think we came to the conclusion that yes, it is possible to have both attitudes simultaneously - but how does that work? How should you live, if you are reconciled with both despair of the meaninglessness, and joy of the goodness?

We also learnt that "wisdom is living in harmony with reality" (not directly from the Bible but from an assumedly wise, Bible-knowing guy). If that is the case, then I am one of the biggest fools in the world, because I have spent a lot of my life trying to escape reality. It must be very hard to be wise because reality is ugly. Well, a large part of it anyway.

Thinking about the first half of Ecclesiastes 10:8, "Whoever digs a pit may fall into it..." - perhaps that is what I have done in my life. I've just let the pit get deeper and darker because I thought there was nothing I could do about it. Running away from your problems only causes more problems. If you dig your own emotional black hole, how can you expect not to fall in?

So, I've kind of digressed from what I was originally writing about, and this post is now very long. I don't know if any of this is going to help me, but at least it's a start. Of a long and very slow journey. I'm already predicting what I'm going to be feeling like on Tuesday night, before my first exam (the dreaded pharmacy practice subject, complete with oral component). Oh well, at least now I'm consciously aware of what will happen before it overtakes me.

It feels strange to be posting this on the internet - the world wide web of both interconnectedness and personal distance. The last thing I want is for people to think I'm more abnormal than they already think I am. But I had to write about this sooner or later. In a less cryptic way than I have been doing already. I've been thinking about it for a while. I think I've realised that I don't want to push people away anymore. It doesn't help. I might keep to myself a lot, but just because I don't talk to you doesn't mean that I don't want you to talk to me :)

Oh, and acknowledgements go to the person who drew attention to Ecc. 10:8 and how *profound* it is :P

And that's the way I like it

So I was sitting in someone's car on Monday night and Ben Lee's song, "Catch My Disease", came on to the radio. He must have written those lyrics in about 5 minutes. But I have to admit, it was pretty, erm, catchy (no pun intended). Random, repetitive, minimally poetic, and rather meaningless...but very catchy. What songwriting genius.

Catch My Disease - Ben Lee
my head is a box filled with nothing
and that's the way i like it
my garden's a secret compartment
and that's the way i like it
and that's the way i like it
your body's a dream that turns violent
and that's the way i like it
and that's the way i like it
the winter is long in the city
and that's the way i like it

so please
baby please
open your heart
and catch my disease

i was backstage in pomona
and that's the way i like it
she drank beer with coca-cola
and that's the way i like it
and that's the way i like it
she told me about the winds from santa ana
and that's the way i like it
and that's the way i like it
she told me she'd love me like fireworks
and that's the way i like it

so please
baby please
open your eyes
and catch my disease

so please
baby please
cmon
and catch my disease

they play good charlotte on the radio
and that's the way i like it
they play sleepy jackson on the radio
and that's the way i like it
and that's the way i like it
i hear beyonce on the radio
and that's the way i like it
and that's the way i like it
they don't play me on the radio
but that's the way i like it

so please
baby please
open your heart
and catch my disease

so please
baby please
cmon
and catch my disease

Did I mention it was repetitive?

And he also has a blog like everyone else. But I think this bio is more interesting.

Towards the end of the car ride, they also played Green Day on the radio, and I liked it :P
But we arrived at our destination before the end of the song, so didn't get to hear the whole thing.

Wake me up when September ends...

Static

Unfeeling of the pain,
As sunlight shines through rain,
She smiles through her tears;
A melancholy rainbow appears.

Neither highs nor lows are epic,
Like emotional anaesthetic;
Cold and numbing ice,
Indiscriminate of unpleasant and nice.

Sadness, laughter, beauty,
Or strange and wondrous mystery,
It all feels the same;
Nothingness all feels the same.

Overwhelmed

AAAAAAAAAaaaaeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!



Edit at 9:45PM

OK, feeling slightly calmer now after my third cup of tea for the day, and listening to "On Fire", "This is your life" and "Beautiful Letdown" from Switchfoot CD on repeat....three of the slightly 'calmer' tracks....sigh, I love this album, I have listened to it soooooo many times since I saw them in March, and I'm still not sick of it. I really like the bass lines in "This is your life" and "Beautiful Letdown"...makes me want to learn how to play bass, hehe. Actually, I really really want to learn how to play guitar properly, but of course that requires practise, and motivation, and time...and it's like, meh, I'm going to be stuck playing variations of A, E, G, D and C with one strumming pattern forever and for the rest of eternity :P

Playing music is kinda all about spaces....spaces between notes on the keyboard, spaces between your fingers, spaces of time between one note and the next...I guess with a different instrument you have to learn a new set of spaces. Or am I oversimplifying things?

Well as usual, the reason for my overwhelmed-ness is leaving everything to the last minute. And the worst part is leaving preparing a Bible study to the last minute. How many times have I been told that that is a BIG no-no....actually, it's worse than that.

So my Bible reading has been going not-so-well for the past couple of months (read: understatement), and for our pharmacy small group we take turns leading each other. So I volunteered to lead next week's study (which is now tomorrow), thinking yeah, that's a good idea, it'll force me to read my Bible during the week. And do you think that worked? Nooooo. So here I am on Sunday night with half a Bible study AND a half-finished report which is due tomorrow. Oh the shame.....Am I the world's dumbest Christian or what? Or maybe just the most incompetent. And what the heck am I doing blogging? Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I think the tea-and-Switchfoot-induced calmness is now wearing off.

*SIGH*

Why am I like this?

Under the sun...

A new day brings us no closer to tomorrow, and leaves yesterday no further behind.

I get so tired of feeling like this everyday...

wryiwhifjnskvbi biru fh1872y3 91y9 rh2ibfjhbmn bmnb KJH JGHF JHSDBCJHSDGHIUQHwhhkshferfhiuwehirhiuhiuwhifuhdnkjfnkvj
wejrowuroiu1298749823yiurh kjwhefkjhsdkjfnsifhoweh odkjhgehh
oeiurowieuroiwuregy9 82379 4y23in jkbvndb hg23ruy1t285y 53hg
oirjg;kjdfgp3u-0tu2jtoiksdjfhkjwehriuy23974yiunfkjbdnmvb nb jhgif
ughweir;werj'welkr[wporirk3jwh457234923yiruhsjhgjkfxvb bht9898
YFGHy98yguhdfkshfuwehurhwnkjgnkjehgowhoweyhrowhjnkjvbnowe
?????????????????????????????????????????????????????
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.............................

Setsaiselcce

"Sselgninaem! Sselgninaem!"
syas eht Rehcaet.
"Ylrettu sselgninaem!
Gnihtyreve si sselgninaem."

Meaningless procrastination

I'm sooooooo bad these days. I can't make myself do anything. I'm not learning anything at uni. It's so weird. I used to study all the time. Now I come home and do nothing. Unless I really really have to....and it seems like I can't make my brain feel I "really really have to" until around 1am on the day something is due.

I still have this habit of setting aside all this time for when I'm meant to be studying though. But all that time just goes past...and no study done. Sooooo baaaaaaaaaaaad. Can you believe it's Week 7 already? I lie in bed at night and think, if I don't do something about this soon, I'm going fail. I sit in lectures and think, I don't know what's going on, I'm going to fail. I sit in tutorials and think, I'm not even trying to pay attention, I'm going to fail. And funnily, the thought of failure isn't scary enough to force me into doing some work.

Maybe I would be more worried about failing if I wasn't so young for my year. The mature-age students, or the ones doing pharmacy as their second degree, they try really really hard. I fully admire the ones who are married with three kids and study pharmacy full-time, I don't know how they manage. I think pharmacy and looking after three goldfish might already be too much for me.

Maybe I would be more worried about failing if I had failed something before. You certainly wouldn't want to study the same subject three times (especially something like pharmacokinetics). Although you could hope that they radically change the course syllabus within that time and cut the subject out all together...?

Maybe I would be more worried about failing if I hadn't been so blessed with ridiculously good marks in the past. Maybe those days are gone forever now. The ending of an era, so to speak. Maybe this is how it's meant to be.

I feel like I've lost this part of me that has defined who I am for so long, and now I feel incomplete because I haven't found anything to replace it. This is starting to sound really cheesy, but hey, I'm just saying it how I think it is. It's probably also making me sound arrogant...oh well, I'll just hope people don't take caffeine-inspired posts too seriously. (Don't worry, it was only tea. I'm not stupid enough to drink coffee at this time of night. Although I have done it before :P)

Hmmm...I have so much to say when I'm not talking to anyone directly...why is that?

The bad thing about being introverted is that sometimes, when you finally do feel like talking, you find you don't know how to. Alexithymia. No words for feelings. Learnt that in a lecture last year. Funny the things you remember.



This is Little E, by the way. Kindly donated by a friend. I gave E a bit of a makeover. She's kind of hard to see being transparent and all, but at least she casts a shadow. I still think D is the prettiest, though :P

Better stop writing now so people can keep up with all these long, random posts I've been making recently.

*Sigh* I should try and blog about happier things...

Sigh...

Why can't life be easier?

Unmotivated

As I was sitting in my pharmacy practice tutorial this morning, trying not to fall asleep and having no idea what was going on, it crossed my mind that I don't really know where my life is headed at the moment. Well, maybe it's not a matter of *not knowing* where I'm headed, I have some vague idea, but more a matter of whether where I'm headed is what I really want.

I started this blog because I was feeling unmotivated to study for my exams at the end of last year. Which is kind of out of character for me...I thought I just needed a really long holiday, and then everything would be back to "normal".

So I've had my really long holiday now...and it hasn't changed much. I don't particularly like my course anymore...I find myself wanting to skip lectures (again something rather out of character for me in the past), but I end up going to them anyway, and then I just sit there and not really take in anything. This year most of our lectures are in Bosch Lecture Theatre 4, which for some strange reason has a piano up the front. It's all covered up and stuff, but I still think it's cool how they have piano in a lecture theatre. Anyway, that's one of the more interesting things I've discovered this year at uni.

It's like I can't be bothered trying anymore. Maybe that's a good thing. I think I've finally realised that getting good marks doesn't make you happy. Which sounds really obvious to most people...but yeah, I guess I took my time coming to that conclusion. It's something you can know, but not *really* know...like, you know it, but you don't act on it. Like a lot of things you learn at church....you know it, but you don't act on it. What's in your head just stays in your head and doesn't affect the way you live. (Ok, I think I'll avoid this particular tangent for the moment.)

So now I *really* know that getting good marks doesn't make you happy...well, at least to a greater extent than before anyway. I'll always be the nerdy, studious type, I mean, that's pretty much written in bold, capital letters in my DNA. But now I feel really stupid, knowing that for so many years I was chasing the wrong goals. Maybe I still am. I don't know.

People change, right? Maybe what's out of character for them can eventually become "normal". Or is it just a superficial change? Are there some things you're born with that just have to stay with you for the rest of your life?

Something I have enjoyed so far this year is helping organise music for Glue. Not sure if we're doing a good job or not, but it hasn't turned out as bad as I expected it to be. And, you know, you can make lots of mistakes and still have a good time. (Not sure if other people were having a good time though :P) "Mistakes" as in....both the type you make in life, and the type you make on the piano....

Which reminds me....."Ancient of Days" is really bugging me at the moment....

This is how it ends

When life has come undone,
Know you're not the only one.
The thread we knew has been untied,
We're searchers drifting far and wide.

No one saw you when you cried,
The way the laughter slowly died.
And when the last hurrah was sung
We didn't know where else to run.

~???? ???? ???? ????~

Uni is making me seriously depressed....and I haven't even started yet.

Sleepless nights (take 2)

I don't like it when I feel depressed, but obviously that's the same for everybody else too.

I wonder how other people would describe it? For me, I think it's something I feel I should let out in some way...So it really sucks when your brain feels like crying but your eyes don't.

I guess I'm going through a bit of an identity crisis at the moment, you know, the typical adolescent thing - trying to work out their place in the world, etc, etc.

I have a pretty introverted personality, so I suppose there's a lot of me I don't show to other people. Or perhaps in actual fact I selectively pick which parts of me I show to certain people. When I think about it, I confuse myself - is it like there's one side of me that best represents the "real me", or do all the different sides contribute to the "real me" equally, or am I just going psycho and turning into Smeagol/Gollum, or what? Or maybe it's just normal.

Like everyone else, I get good days and bad days. I like to think that the "good days" are the norm, which are occasionally punctuated by bad days.

But I go through times when I feel like it's the other way round - everything is just one long bad day, with brief periods of "normality" that stop you from feeling like you've got no hope at all.

And where does God come in amongst all of this? I know He's there, which is always something that comforts me, but wallowing in self-pity is comforting in it's own way too. It gives you an excuse for not trying. It puts you where you want to be - the centre of your attention.

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep, because I just keep thinking...about stuff that makes me feel sad, or angry, or whatever. At its worst, I feel like I have to try really hard to breathe...I don't know why, it just feels like I'm not getting enough air or something.

Somtimes I'll still be awake when my room starts to change colour (well, go from black to less black) in the early hours of the morning - it's kind of like watching the sun rise, but not really...even though you can't see the sun, in the back of your head, you know it's rising because of the effects it has on what you can see.

Then I'll eventually drift off and get a little bit of sleep before my alarm clock wakes me up again...I open my eyes and everything in my room is bright and lit up (well, providing the day isn't overcast, which really sucks after you've had a bad night's sleep). And then I have to get up and do whatever needs to be done for the day (which, at the moment, is not much, seeing as I'm still on holidays).

I lot of the time I worry about what other people think about me, but common sense tells me that no one really minds that much, because they're probably all too worried about themselves, and what other people will think of them. Which is kind of sad and funny at the same time.

~???? ???? ???? ????~

So, that's me....well, the part of me I chose to reveal in that bit of writing anyway. The "unmaudlinated" version, if you like...If that's at all possible for my overemotional teenage personality :P

Sleepless nights

You hate this feeling.

When you feel like crap, but there's nothing in your eyes to cry. When you want to make yourself bleed to release the pain that's inside you. When you want to scream, but you're too weak to pull anything together.

Who are you? What are you doing here?

What if your whole life was just a lie? Everyday pretending to be something you're not. You don't really know which is the real you.

You feel alright most days, though sometimes you get depressed. But that's normal, isn't it? Everyone has good days and bad days.

Then the bad days get more and more frequent, until you're not sure what's normal anymore. Just clinging on day by day, waiting for one where you can breathe and be happy. And then you go back under.

Asking for help is too hard. You'd rather just suffer. The pain is exhilarating in a way - you can just lie there and let it consume you, and you don't have to do anything else, because you can't do anything else.

A feeling of dread overwhelms you. Like a weight sitting on your chest, it suffocates. How long before it will pass? Minutes turn into hours. Trains of thought end and another begins.

Slowly you drift off into a restless sleep. The blackness of the night grows lighter as the first rays of the sun seep their way into your room.

Just another normal day. How will you stuff this one up?

It's OK. No one's looking. No one cares.