It's that time of year once again
That time when people like to spend
Time with family and friends
At least that's the message breakfast shows send
I wonder if people feel rusty and old
Some relationships might've been left damp and cold
Through the year things that time mysteriously stole
Now discovered missing as conversations unfold
Silence 'midst ringing of cash registers and bells
Silent sighs drowned as Christmas choruses swell
Violence on shorelines supposedly quelled
Heat waves aren't friendly but you never could tell
It's that time of year once again
That time that's an excuse for people to spend
Money on their family and friends
At least that's the message advertisements send
Christmas morning, people calling
Churches fill, celebrating the birth of a child
Seemingly irrelevant, traditional and mild
Red-green colour blindness takes over for a while
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
National Training Event 2005 (long post!)
There are lots of different sorts of doors.
Old splintering doors. Doors which look newer than its surrounding house. Painted doors, polished wooden doors. Solid doors, and doors with panels of frosted or stained glass - blue birds, red flowers. Doors with fly screens, doors with security screens. Doors with security screens that can't be seen through from the outside. Doors that open to the left and doors that open to the right. Doorbells: Round buttons, rectangular buttons, brass ones that you have to twist and sound like a bicycle bell. Ones that go "ding dong" and ones that play a tune. Wrought iron door knockers. Doors with no bells or knockers. Doors with Christmas decorations. Door with cobwebs.
Doors that are left open behind screens to let the breeze in. Doors with voices behind them. A scuffle, a shadow of movement. Doors that are opened. Doors that are silent. Doors that stay shut.
Where do I begin? It feels as if I have been away from home for a month, when it was just a bit over a week. I got less sleep than I usually would over the last few days, but came home feeling refreshed.
(Although that feeling of refreshment only lasted until Sunday night, have been very tired these past two days, muscles are aching for no reason, have been sneezing and have a slightly blocked nose. Not sure if it's a cold or maybe hayfever.)
Canberra was a nicer city than I remembered it to be. Fresh air, greenery everywhere, arty architecture, wide roads, sparse traffic. Got to do some touristy stuff during free time, like see the Aboriginal tent embassy, go to the war memorial, the National Museum (which wasn't there the last time I went), drive around the embassies, see question time at Parliament House, walk along the side of the lake and pull the whistle on a steam boat! And it was my first time at the ANU too. They have a nice campus.
The conference part of NTE seems like so long ago now, but it was great to see around 1000 people from all over Australia, and even people from Fiji, gathered in one place to learn from and study God's word. The theme was The Fellowship of the King, and the two speakers, Richard Chin and Richard Gibson did a good job of entertaining everyone by bagging each other out continually in their respective talks. As well as preach faithfully from the Bible, of course. I think a lot of people found Gibbo's third talk the most memorable/challenging - that we are to have genuine, unfeigned, forgiving, self-sacrificing love for others, reflecting Christ's love for us.
There were moving stories shared from people in the mission field- the man who almost broke down in tears when he spoke of his wife's parents being "very angry at what they do"....Esther, the girl who grew up with missionary parents in India...I remember her waist long blonde hair tied up in a plait, her quiet, articulate voice that remained so calm as she shared with 1000 people of how her father and brothers were brutally murdered...But there were also happier stories, like the work of the PSFC (Pacific Students for Christ, I think it was), the student organisation in Fiji - "It's like what's happening in Australia - except it's in Fiji!"...And funny stories - the people who drove across Australia from Perth in a bus that kept breaking down (apparently it happens every year?)
For the mission part, half the people from Sydney Uni went to Belmore, and the other half went to Ashfield, to help out St John's Anglican (which is the church Andrew Katay is at now). I think we all arrived there safely from Canberra, after detours to various people's houses to collect enough bedding for 20-something people, as we only found out we would actually be sleeping in the church hall for the duration of the mission, the day before we came back up from Canberra.
I think we were a bit worried when we heard there was only one shower, and wondered how we would get to sleep in the heat with insects falling on our heads. But it turned out to be alright. I've never been billeted before, but I think camping out with everyone in the church made it so much more fun. The heat dispersed as the cool night breeze blew through the open windows, the whirring ceiling fans chased off the insects (or did they go out with the lights?), there were more than enough air matresses/bedrolls/sleeping bags/pillows for everyone to sleep comfortably, no one snored (until the last night)....and you got to wake up to blinding light streaming through the east windows at 6am in the morning!
But seriously, on that first night at Ashfield, as I lay in my sleeping bag, on top of two bedrolls, on the wooden floor of the church hall, staring up at the rich wooden panelling of the ceiling (which you didn't fully appreciate unless you were flat on your back), I remember thinking to myself, at that moment there was nowhere else I'd rather be. Because I was surrounded by people who I'd gotten to know a bit better over the past few days in Canberra, and who I would get to know even more over the coming few days, as we worked together to put St. John's, which has been in decline for the past 50 years, back into the consciousness of the community of Ashfield. And I was almost excited that I would get to be doing God's work over the next few days, even though at the same time I was anxious, because it would be new and unfamiliar to me.
And the next few days proved to be not disappointing - it was challenging, tiring, self-stretching stuff, but not so challenging that it was unachievable. Even though I felt like a novice at times (which I was), by the end of the camp I felt as though I, we, had accomplished something. Small victories. For ourselves as individuals, and for what we were working for. And hopefully, even though they were so small, they will have a bit of an impact on the church in the long run.
Doorknocking in 30 degree heat - you got thirsty and sweaty. But aside from that, it wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. In large part thanks to the awesome and very experienced staff worker I was paired up with for most of the time...but yeah, it was a great learning experience. A lot of people weren't home, most wanted to be brief, some didn't speak English, some were nice but uninterested, some bluntly refused, and one or two we held long conversations with. I started out wishing I didn't have to do it, but by the end of the last session, I regretted not having time to do more. So many doors, so many people who didn't know what they needed to hear. So many people who shut out what they needed to hear.
What else did we do...standing at the entrances to Ashfield station at 7:30am in the morning to hand out Christmas quizzes, running a stall outside Ashfield mall on Saturday (and handing out more Christmas quizzes there too), half the people in the team ran a kid's club as well....some people gave their testimony during the services on Sunday, and some of us did an item - we sang/played In Christ Alone during holy communion (which was cool since we didn't have music or lyrics for it and it still sounded good in the end!)
There is so much more I could write about even though this post is now massive...like the possum and the baby possum we saw crawling around the rafters in the church hall, and the crazy sing-a-long with the piano on the last night, and the BBQ that almost went up in flames but the chicken turned out just right...
Sigh. I felt rather sad having to leave on Sunday afternoon, although the other half of me was ready to go home after a long week. There were a few EU faces I was just starting to get to know a bit better, and God had blessed us with such sunny weather for us to do what had needed to be done that week, and we had worked so well together and learnt so much in the process. Until next time. We're not done yet.
Because God's work is never done. As we see on the news, there are so many people who are ignorant of the love of God. We looked at 2 Cor 4:1-6 in one of our team meetings, and it was such a good reminder of what we do...
Doors. The interface between the outside and the inside, where lives can meet. Maybe where lives can be changed.
Old splintering doors. Doors which look newer than its surrounding house. Painted doors, polished wooden doors. Solid doors, and doors with panels of frosted or stained glass - blue birds, red flowers. Doors with fly screens, doors with security screens. Doors with security screens that can't be seen through from the outside. Doors that open to the left and doors that open to the right. Doorbells: Round buttons, rectangular buttons, brass ones that you have to twist and sound like a bicycle bell. Ones that go "ding dong" and ones that play a tune. Wrought iron door knockers. Doors with no bells or knockers. Doors with Christmas decorations. Door with cobwebs.
Doors that are left open behind screens to let the breeze in. Doors with voices behind them. A scuffle, a shadow of movement. Doors that are opened. Doors that are silent. Doors that stay shut.
Where do I begin? It feels as if I have been away from home for a month, when it was just a bit over a week. I got less sleep than I usually would over the last few days, but came home feeling refreshed.
(Although that feeling of refreshment only lasted until Sunday night, have been very tired these past two days, muscles are aching for no reason, have been sneezing and have a slightly blocked nose. Not sure if it's a cold or maybe hayfever.)
Canberra was a nicer city than I remembered it to be. Fresh air, greenery everywhere, arty architecture, wide roads, sparse traffic. Got to do some touristy stuff during free time, like see the Aboriginal tent embassy, go to the war memorial, the National Museum (which wasn't there the last time I went), drive around the embassies, see question time at Parliament House, walk along the side of the lake and pull the whistle on a steam boat! And it was my first time at the ANU too. They have a nice campus.
The conference part of NTE seems like so long ago now, but it was great to see around 1000 people from all over Australia, and even people from Fiji, gathered in one place to learn from and study God's word. The theme was The Fellowship of the King, and the two speakers, Richard Chin and Richard Gibson did a good job of entertaining everyone by bagging each other out continually in their respective talks. As well as preach faithfully from the Bible, of course. I think a lot of people found Gibbo's third talk the most memorable/challenging - that we are to have genuine, unfeigned, forgiving, self-sacrificing love for others, reflecting Christ's love for us.
There were moving stories shared from people in the mission field- the man who almost broke down in tears when he spoke of his wife's parents being "very angry at what they do"....Esther, the girl who grew up with missionary parents in India...I remember her waist long blonde hair tied up in a plait, her quiet, articulate voice that remained so calm as she shared with 1000 people of how her father and brothers were brutally murdered...But there were also happier stories, like the work of the PSFC (Pacific Students for Christ, I think it was), the student organisation in Fiji - "It's like what's happening in Australia - except it's in Fiji!"...And funny stories - the people who drove across Australia from Perth in a bus that kept breaking down (apparently it happens every year?)
For the mission part, half the people from Sydney Uni went to Belmore, and the other half went to Ashfield, to help out St John's Anglican (which is the church Andrew Katay is at now). I think we all arrived there safely from Canberra, after detours to various people's houses to collect enough bedding for 20-something people, as we only found out we would actually be sleeping in the church hall for the duration of the mission, the day before we came back up from Canberra.
I think we were a bit worried when we heard there was only one shower, and wondered how we would get to sleep in the heat with insects falling on our heads. But it turned out to be alright. I've never been billeted before, but I think camping out with everyone in the church made it so much more fun. The heat dispersed as the cool night breeze blew through the open windows, the whirring ceiling fans chased off the insects (or did they go out with the lights?), there were more than enough air matresses/bedrolls/sleeping bags/pillows for everyone to sleep comfortably, no one snored (until the last night)....and you got to wake up to blinding light streaming through the east windows at 6am in the morning!
But seriously, on that first night at Ashfield, as I lay in my sleeping bag, on top of two bedrolls, on the wooden floor of the church hall, staring up at the rich wooden panelling of the ceiling (which you didn't fully appreciate unless you were flat on your back), I remember thinking to myself, at that moment there was nowhere else I'd rather be. Because I was surrounded by people who I'd gotten to know a bit better over the past few days in Canberra, and who I would get to know even more over the coming few days, as we worked together to put St. John's, which has been in decline for the past 50 years, back into the consciousness of the community of Ashfield. And I was almost excited that I would get to be doing God's work over the next few days, even though at the same time I was anxious, because it would be new and unfamiliar to me.
And the next few days proved to be not disappointing - it was challenging, tiring, self-stretching stuff, but not so challenging that it was unachievable. Even though I felt like a novice at times (which I was), by the end of the camp I felt as though I, we, had accomplished something. Small victories. For ourselves as individuals, and for what we were working for. And hopefully, even though they were so small, they will have a bit of an impact on the church in the long run.
Doorknocking in 30 degree heat - you got thirsty and sweaty. But aside from that, it wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. In large part thanks to the awesome and very experienced staff worker I was paired up with for most of the time...but yeah, it was a great learning experience. A lot of people weren't home, most wanted to be brief, some didn't speak English, some were nice but uninterested, some bluntly refused, and one or two we held long conversations with. I started out wishing I didn't have to do it, but by the end of the last session, I regretted not having time to do more. So many doors, so many people who didn't know what they needed to hear. So many people who shut out what they needed to hear.
What else did we do...standing at the entrances to Ashfield station at 7:30am in the morning to hand out Christmas quizzes, running a stall outside Ashfield mall on Saturday (and handing out more Christmas quizzes there too), half the people in the team ran a kid's club as well....some people gave their testimony during the services on Sunday, and some of us did an item - we sang/played In Christ Alone during holy communion (which was cool since we didn't have music or lyrics for it and it still sounded good in the end!)
There is so much more I could write about even though this post is now massive...like the possum and the baby possum we saw crawling around the rafters in the church hall, and the crazy sing-a-long with the piano on the last night, and the BBQ that almost went up in flames but the chicken turned out just right...
Sigh. I felt rather sad having to leave on Sunday afternoon, although the other half of me was ready to go home after a long week. There were a few EU faces I was just starting to get to know a bit better, and God had blessed us with such sunny weather for us to do what had needed to be done that week, and we had worked so well together and learnt so much in the process. Until next time. We're not done yet.
Because God's work is never done. As we see on the news, there are so many people who are ignorant of the love of God. We looked at 2 Cor 4:1-6 in one of our team meetings, and it was such a good reminder of what we do...
2 Corinthians 4
1Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. 2Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. 3And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. 4The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. 5For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. 6For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.
Doors. The interface between the outside and the inside, where lives can meet. Maybe where lives can be changed.
Friday, December 02, 2005
Too cute...
My nine year old cousin sent me this email...
hi viv
i am on the holidays starting on
December 17. i will be having a holiday party on
December 16. we are going to have games and lots
good food and drinks. i hope that it will be a lot of fun.
i don't have to bring anything to the holiday party, but
i probably have to bring something on the next party or something
bye viv
your cousin
judy chen
PS: i did the Christmas colors because it is almost Christmas
over here in California
Ha! Americans! Almost Christmas over here in California indeed....LOL
Speaking of emails, Yahoo!Mail recently gave us (or notified us of) these avatar things we can play around with...
Found it rather hard to come up with a combination that looked anything like me....no, my bedroom isn't that pink in real life, although it does have pink curtains and is just about as messy...and no, unfortunately I don't have a guitar like that either, although I would really like one...
Actually found it kind of entertaining, it's been a very long time since I've played with "dolls"...
It'd be interesting if in real life you could change your hairstyle or eye colour or skin tone or face at the click of a button....especially the face part...hrmm...
In other news, NTE starts this weekend, hope Canberra isn't too cold! It's going to be an exciting week (so I've been told)!
hi viv
i am on the holidays starting on
December 17. i will be having a holiday party on
December 16. we are going to have games and lots
good food and drinks. i hope that it will be a lot of fun.
i don't have to bring anything to the holiday party, but
i probably have to bring something on the next party or something
bye viv
your cousin
judy chen
PS: i did the Christmas colors because it is almost Christmas
over here in California
Ha! Americans! Almost Christmas over here in California indeed....LOL
Speaking of emails, Yahoo!Mail recently gave us (or notified us of) these avatar things we can play around with...
Found it rather hard to come up with a combination that looked anything like me....no, my bedroom isn't that pink in real life, although it does have pink curtains and is just about as messy...and no, unfortunately I don't have a guitar like that either, although I would really like one...
Actually found it kind of entertaining, it's been a very long time since I've played with "dolls"...
It'd be interesting if in real life you could change your hairstyle or eye colour or skin tone or face at the click of a button....especially the face part...hrmm...
In other news, NTE starts this weekend, hope Canberra isn't too cold! It's going to be an exciting week (so I've been told)!
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
I passed pharmacy practice!
I passed! I passed! No, I more than passed! I got a credit! I got a credit in pharmacy practice! Wow my first credit in pharmacy practice, and at 73 it was nearly a distinction too! 73!
*jumps up and down and goes hyperactive*
Man, imagine what I would have gotten if I hadn't stuffed up my OSCE...
Oh who cares, I passed pharmacy practice!
And I passed med-chem too, not by very much, but who cares about med-chem anyway?
Yay, I got more than a pass in pharmacy practice, what a fluke...heeheeheeheeheehee...
*is high*
Sigh....must calm down, it's just a number after all. And still waiting on everything else.
But I passed pharmacy practice! =D =D =D
[EDIT 8pm Wednesday]
74 in Pharmacokinetics!!!!! o_o O_O Are you serious????? For pharmacokinetics???
=D =D =D
They must have scaled it =)
Wow, God is being majorly nice to me so far...(Is "majorly" even a word? I'm so excited I can't write sentences properly)...man, I almost feel bad cos I know (and He knows) how little work I put into this subject.
This thing with exam marks coming out one by one is so excruciating...cos you don't know when they're going to put it up you want to keep checking....but they seem to be coming out really early this year...??
Wow....sorry...I haven't gotten this excited over exam marks in a while...not over getting credits anyway....it's been a tough semester...
*jumps up and down and goes hyperactive*
Man, imagine what I would have gotten if I hadn't stuffed up my OSCE...
Oh who cares, I passed pharmacy practice!
And I passed med-chem too, not by very much, but who cares about med-chem anyway?
Yay, I got more than a pass in pharmacy practice, what a fluke...heeheeheeheeheehee...
*is high*
Sigh....must calm down, it's just a number after all. And still waiting on everything else.
But I passed pharmacy practice! =D =D =D
[EDIT 8pm Wednesday]
74 in Pharmacokinetics!!!!! o_o O_O Are you serious????? For pharmacokinetics???
=D =D =D
They must have scaled it =)
Wow, God is being majorly nice to me so far...(Is "majorly" even a word? I'm so excited I can't write sentences properly)...man, I almost feel bad cos I know (and He knows) how little work I put into this subject.
This thing with exam marks coming out one by one is so excruciating...cos you don't know when they're going to put it up you want to keep checking....but they seem to be coming out really early this year...??
Wow....sorry...I haven't gotten this excited over exam marks in a while...not over getting credits anyway....it's been a tough semester...
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Glue tertiary group social
Sometimes I wish I was wise. I don't know the standard amount of wisdom a nineteen year old should possess, but an abundant supply of wisdom would come in handy when sitting down to think about things. And I don't just mean thinking about things, I mean, thinking about things (there is a difference).
I guess today a lot of little unexpected things happened. We woke up and it was raining. It was bright and sunny by lunchtime. Someone rocked up wearing a wig. Ended up going to Stanwell Tops instead of the national park. Found a blue-tougued lizard at the beach. Heard someone was in hospital. Nearly got lost driving back from the beach. And we talked about serious stuff in the car on the way there and back. (I'm not saying it's a bad thing it was serious. I just didn't expect it to be.)
What sort of stuff did we talk about....argh, my memory is failing me...ok, I'll just mix in my own thoughts as well...
Do we really rely on our leaders too much? I'd never really given it much thought, how much we rely on them. For what? To give us the answers in bible study? Well, we don't always ask for them, some of them just like to talk =p. To organise KYC, and things we can do to help other people...Are we really that spoon-fed, and we don't even know it? How much responsibility do we take ourselves, growing ourselves as Christians, spurring one another towards love and good deeds...
Are our conversations too shallow? Surely people are deeper than their jobs, courses, exams, what they did during the week. Why do we find it hard to talk about what is troubling us, about our weaknesses in how we are going. Do we not trust each other enough? Two weeks ago in bible study, we agreed that loneliness affects everyone. OK. So where are all the lonely people?
Are we too analytical in the way we deal with God's word... too lacking in emotion? Are we too analytical in our relationships with one another?
The words we speak are here today and gone tomorrow, but their effects can last forever.
Parting comments went something like: "Thanks for the conversations."
"That's ok, you should be having them without me."
Sometimes I wonder if some of our leaders were ever kids.
Brain is feeling rather sun-drenched at the moment. You know that feeling, when you've been out in the sun all day, and then you can't think properly. Often accompanied by feeling salt and sand blasted. I feel like I should think more about these issues and find answers to questions, but it probably wouldn't get anywhere. Discussions with yourself generally never do.
****
Where is the meaning in everything? Did what we do today have any meaning? Did it have eternal value?
I don't think I'm on very friendly terms with reality at the moment. Sometimes I find hanging out with reality a rather excruciating experience. Daydreams are a lot nicer. Completely under your control and can be as complicated or uncomplicated as you wish. You can progress at your own pace and jump back and forth to your own liking. The past and the future are both just a thought away.
This is the curse of consciousness, to be able to dream of freedom while trapped within the confines of reality. Peace with reality is so hard to come by. You think about it too much and it eludes you.
I guess today a lot of little unexpected things happened. We woke up and it was raining. It was bright and sunny by lunchtime. Someone rocked up wearing a wig. Ended up going to Stanwell Tops instead of the national park. Found a blue-tougued lizard at the beach. Heard someone was in hospital. Nearly got lost driving back from the beach. And we talked about serious stuff in the car on the way there and back. (I'm not saying it's a bad thing it was serious. I just didn't expect it to be.)
What sort of stuff did we talk about....argh, my memory is failing me...ok, I'll just mix in my own thoughts as well...
Do we really rely on our leaders too much? I'd never really given it much thought, how much we rely on them. For what? To give us the answers in bible study? Well, we don't always ask for them, some of them just like to talk =p. To organise KYC, and things we can do to help other people...Are we really that spoon-fed, and we don't even know it? How much responsibility do we take ourselves, growing ourselves as Christians, spurring one another towards love and good deeds...
Are our conversations too shallow? Surely people are deeper than their jobs, courses, exams, what they did during the week. Why do we find it hard to talk about what is troubling us, about our weaknesses in how we are going. Do we not trust each other enough? Two weeks ago in bible study, we agreed that loneliness affects everyone. OK. So where are all the lonely people?
Are we too analytical in the way we deal with God's word... too lacking in emotion? Are we too analytical in our relationships with one another?
The words we speak are here today and gone tomorrow, but their effects can last forever.
Parting comments went something like: "Thanks for the conversations."
"That's ok, you should be having them without me."
Sometimes I wonder if some of our leaders were ever kids.
Brain is feeling rather sun-drenched at the moment. You know that feeling, when you've been out in the sun all day, and then you can't think properly. Often accompanied by feeling salt and sand blasted. I feel like I should think more about these issues and find answers to questions, but it probably wouldn't get anywhere. Discussions with yourself generally never do.
****
Where is the meaning in everything? Did what we do today have any meaning? Did it have eternal value?
I don't think I'm on very friendly terms with reality at the moment. Sometimes I find hanging out with reality a rather excruciating experience. Daydreams are a lot nicer. Completely under your control and can be as complicated or uncomplicated as you wish. You can progress at your own pace and jump back and forth to your own liking. The past and the future are both just a thought away.
This is the curse of consciousness, to be able to dream of freedom while trapped within the confines of reality. Peace with reality is so hard to come by. You think about it too much and it eludes you.
Friday, November 25, 2005
How good is your life?
| This Is My Life, Rated | |
| Life: |  4.9 |
| Mind: |  3.6 |
| Body: |  6.8 |
| Spirit: | 5.4 |
| Friends/Family: | 2.9 |
| Love: |  0 |
| Finance: | 4.8 |
| Take the Rate My Life Quiz | |
OK, so my life sucks. Hmmm...should I be worried? =P
I like my score for "love".
*ROFL*
Sunday, November 20, 2005
It was a questionably beautiful day
Cloudless skies and burning rays
Seduced too soon by the heat of noon
The morning cool melts away
What are we searching for
What are we hoping for
Some kind of escape
Some kind of awake
An end to all these beautiful mistakes?
To this questionably beautiful face
In this questionably beautiful place
I have nothing to say
For what will take away your pain?
Lost in beautiful grace
Lost and gone without a trace
Cloudless skies and burning rays
Seduced too soon by the heat of noon
The morning cool melts away
What are we searching for
What are we hoping for
Some kind of escape
Some kind of awake
An end to all these beautiful mistakes?
To this questionably beautiful face
In this questionably beautiful place
I have nothing to say
For what will take away your pain?
Lost in beautiful grace
Lost and gone without a trace
Questionably Beautiful
Is it just me, or what is it with the recent (and not so recent) proliferation of songs with "beautiful" in the title? Darren Hayes, James Blunt, Pete Murray, Christina Aguilera, and probably a whole bunch of other songs I don't know.
Where are the songs about being ugly? (besides Not Pretty Enough....and anyway, that was more about being invisible) Or at least about being questionably beautiful? Like, you have nice eyes, but your hair is really ugly, but if you wore a hat, then I might just be swayed towards thinking that you're beautiful? Or, I think you're as beautiful as a beautiful cow, or something like that.
Ahh...don't mind me.
Where are the songs about being ugly? (besides Not Pretty Enough....and anyway, that was more about being invisible) Or at least about being questionably beautiful? Like, you have nice eyes, but your hair is really ugly, but if you wore a hat, then I might just be swayed towards thinking that you're beautiful? Or, I think you're as beautiful as a beautiful cow, or something like that.
Ahh...don't mind me.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
The Blues
~Switchfoot
Is this the new year or just another night?
Is this the new fear or just another fright?
Is this the new tear or just another desperation?
Is this the finger or just another fist?
Is this the kingdom or just a hit and miss?
I miss direction, most in all this desperation
Is this what they call freedom?
Is this what you call pain?
Is this what they call discontented fame?
It'll be a day like this one
When the world caves in...
I'm singing this one like a broken piece of glass
From broken hearts and broken noses in the back
Is this the new year or just another desperation?
You push until you're shoving
You bend until you break
Do you stand on the broken fields where your fathers lay?
It'll be a day like this one
When the world caves in...
Is nothing here worth saving,
Is no one here at all?
Is there any net left that could break our fall?
It'll be a day like this one
When the sky falls down
And the hungry and poor and deserted are found
Are you discontented?
Have you been pushing hard?
Have you been throwing down this broken house of cards?
It'll be a day like this one
When the world caves in...
Is there nothing left now, nothing left to sing?
Are there any left who haven't kissed the enemy?
Is this the new year or just another desperation?
Does justice never find you?
Do the wicked never lose?
Is there any honest song to sing besides these blues?
And nothing is okay
'Til the world caves in,
Until the world caves in...
Is this the new year or just another night?
Is this the new fear or just another fright?
Is this the new tear or just another desperation?
Is this the finger or just another fist?
Is this the kingdom or just a hit and miss?
I miss direction, most in all this desperation
Is this what they call freedom?
Is this what you call pain?
Is this what they call discontented fame?
It'll be a day like this one
When the world caves in...
I'm singing this one like a broken piece of glass
From broken hearts and broken noses in the back
Is this the new year or just another desperation?
You push until you're shoving
You bend until you break
Do you stand on the broken fields where your fathers lay?
It'll be a day like this one
When the world caves in...
Is nothing here worth saving,
Is no one here at all?
Is there any net left that could break our fall?
It'll be a day like this one
When the sky falls down
And the hungry and poor and deserted are found
Are you discontented?
Have you been pushing hard?
Have you been throwing down this broken house of cards?
It'll be a day like this one
When the world caves in...
Is there nothing left now, nothing left to sing?
Are there any left who haven't kissed the enemy?
Is this the new year or just another desperation?
Does justice never find you?
Do the wicked never lose?
Is there any honest song to sing besides these blues?
And nothing is okay
'Til the world caves in,
Until the world caves in...
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Hmmm, so how are things now...?
Well, pharmacokinetics and med chem are over, and they're probably my least favourite subjects, so...*lights match and burns all notes*.
Just kidding.
I'd better have passed though, I could not stand to have to do med chem again.
Only dispensing and pharmacology left. Am currently rather sleep deprived.
In other related news, my application to that pharmacy summer project thing was unsuccessful (see, I told you I'm getting dumb!), but that means I can go to KYLC now, as well as NTE, so I can do both Strands 1 and 2 in one summer! (Well that is the plan anyway. Am feeling rather mentally and spiritually unfit for such challenges at the moment, but must get on with it.)
Sigh...strangely enough, I'm not really looking forward to the holidays. Not that I want the exam period to last forever, but yeah.
Thanks for the nice comments though =)
Just kidding.
I'd better have passed though, I could not stand to have to do med chem again.
Only dispensing and pharmacology left. Am currently rather sleep deprived.
In other related news, my application to that pharmacy summer project thing was unsuccessful (see, I told you I'm getting dumb!), but that means I can go to KYLC now, as well as NTE, so I can do both Strands 1 and 2 in one summer! (Well that is the plan anyway. Am feeling rather mentally and spiritually unfit for such challenges at the moment, but must get on with it.)
Sigh...strangely enough, I'm not really looking forward to the holidays. Not that I want the exam period to last forever, but yeah.
Thanks for the nice comments though =)
Monday, November 14, 2005
The way things work
enough time to study + no procrastination = enough time to study
enough time to study + procrastination = not enough time to study
Therefore
enough time to study + procrastination + self-induced sleep deprivation = enough time to study
Now
enough time to study may or may not = good marks
And
good marks = meaningless
So what am I stressing about?
For a moment then the thought crossed my mind that maybe I've never really done anything useful in my life. And that maybe I never will. I don't really feel like I can do anything right. It seems like a useless struggle.
This week sucks.
enough time to study + procrastination = not enough time to study
Therefore
enough time to study + procrastination + self-induced sleep deprivation = enough time to study
Now
enough time to study may or may not = good marks
And
good marks = meaningless
So what am I stressing about?
For a moment then the thought crossed my mind that maybe I've never really done anything useful in my life. And that maybe I never will. I don't really feel like I can do anything right. It seems like a useless struggle.
This week sucks.
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Don't Panic?!?!?!?
I AM SO STUFFED FOR PHARMACOKINETICS AND MED-CHEM!!!
WHY DIDN'T I START STUDYING EARLIER????
WHY DIDN'T I START STUDYING EARLIER????
Thursday, November 10, 2005
My cousin's wedding
A Recount of RandomnessLast weekend my parents and I flew up to Brisbane for my cousin's wedding. (This is sounding like a highschool English homework assignment.) This cousin being my dad's oldest brother's daughter, my only cousin on my dad's side, who I hadn't seen in eleven years. (Shocking, I know.) Was originally quite disgruntled that it was going to be on the weekend before exams started, but it's a family happy happy joy joy occasion, and my dad's family rarely all get together, so what can you do.
The ceremony was held late in the afternoon at Customs House, outside, overlooking the river. Just as well it wasn't raining. It was the first ever "non-Christian" wedding ceremony I've ever been to. It was quite short, and informal, almost to the point of being disorganised, but maybe that was just this one. I say that because there were only enough chairs set out for about a quarter of the people there, and everyone else just stood around randomly. And people were still standing around talking, with their backs to the red carpet, when the string quartet started playing and first bridesmaid began walking down the aisle! I was like, what the?...but oh well.
Anyway, the view was very nice, especially later on when the sun had set and all the lights on the bridge over the river lit up. After the ceremony the professional photos were taken (yay, first time in "bride's family"!), and then had to stand around for about two hours before the reception, and my shoes were killing me (cos they took away all the chairs!). Oh but I got to watch a tea pouring ceremony for the first time! (Actually not very interesting, but at least now I've seen one.)
The reception was held inside at the same location after cocktails and stuff was over. Lovely red/pink theme to the wedding. I thought I was going to be seated with my parents and relatives since I didn't know anyone else there, but to my utter mortification (at least initially), I was to sit at a table, all by myself, with......people. Which meant that I would have to......talk. To complete strangers. Noooooooo! (OK, keep in mind at this stage I was kinda tired with hurting feet and stressed about my upcoming OSCE. Socialising with random people, who all looked at least five years older than me, was not on my list of top priorities at that time.)
Well, it didn't turn out to be that bad in the end. It was really awkward at first, but got to meet the people at my end of the table...a guy from Auckland called Campbell, who kept going outside at random intervals to have a smoke; someone called Mark I thought didn't look like a Mark at all; Lorraine (also a Kiwi, a nurse from Christchurch, who at first I thought was late 20s - early 30s, later on I asked her how long she had been working as a nurse for, and she said, longer than the groom has been alive, and considering the groom is in his late 20s....crap she looks young for her age!!)...anyway, all these people met the bride and groom in the UK, where they all worked for a few years. Also met my cousin's godbrother, who's sister and mother are pharmacists (save me), and one of my cousin's highschool friends....This was all rather weird for me as I still haven't met the groom in person and don't know my cousin at all having not seen her since I was eight.
This post is getting rather long. Let's have an intermission. Get up and stretch, go to the bathroom, get something to drink...
***********INTERMISSION************
OK, now where was I? Oh yeah, sitting at the table having dinner at the reception, talking to random people. Speaking of the table...it was the one right next to the jazz band! =D =D =D Which made conversation rather difficult (almost yelling). But boy were they good. (Not that I would know if they were really good or not, since I haven't seen that many jazz bands and don't know anything about jazz.) But the best thing was every time Mark got out of his seat (not that I made him get out of his seat or anything, he just happened to be out of his seat all of the time), I got to see what the pianist was doing...who I might mention for someone's benefit, looked like what I think Jonathan Rhys Meyers (the dude from Bend it Like Beckham) looks like. (Or at least, what I think I remember him as looking like. Which may mean that he could not look like him at all. I mean, I might not even be close. But he was blonde. Is JRM even blonde?)
Anyway, for a few minutes I got the crazy idea into my head that after I'm done with pharmacy, I might do jazz piano. Cos it just looks fully sick.
The funny thing was at the end of the night when we were about to leave, my dad commented that the band was really noisy, and I was like, no, they sound great! And then I realised that everywhere else in the room besides at our table, you couldn't hear the piano at all over the brass/bass/drums. Which indeed, sounded noisy. Yay for sitting with a table of random people next to the band!
So that was my adventure in Brisbane. Oh and something else, we got a free fireworks show from the balcony, cos it was November 5th, Guy Fawkes night, and someone put on fireworks over the river! Wasn't my cousin lucky? Also, during the ceremony, at the very moment they were married, church bells from across the road rang out, it seemed like it was planned, but later they were like, no we didn't plan that at all, it was just a coincidence! Tres cool.
Have I bored you all with enough details? The only thing left I have to say is that the bassist was playing a bass with five strings. To which most of you will probably go "So....?", but I thought that was interesting.
Too bad for Pun, I'm not going to list out what was on the menu....instead, just for you dear Punny, I will tell you that my cousin works as a nurse.....and her name is...
...Christine.
*bwahahahaha....rotfl*
One year already?
It appears it has been one whole year since I put up my first post on this blog. And this is my 96th post. Now 96 is conveniently a multiple of 12, which means on average I have been posting 8 times a month. Is that excessive? Or 1.8 posts per week. Or 0.26 posts per day. Which somehow sounds a lot less than 8 posts a month. Or does it sound like more?
Of course, in the end it doesn't have to do with how many posts you've put up, but how much time you've spent writing up those posts. Not to mention comments. I wonder how many times I've commented?
Well this is turning out to be one of my more pointless posts. Can't really think of anything to write...oh wait, yes I can!
*runs off to appear in another post*
Of course, in the end it doesn't have to do with how many posts you've put up, but how much time you've spent writing up those posts. Not to mention comments. I wonder how many times I've commented?
Well this is turning out to be one of my more pointless posts. Can't really think of anything to write...oh wait, yes I can!
*runs off to appear in another post*
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Farrrrrrrr out!!!!!
OK, just came out from my OSCE (finally found out what that stands for: Objective Structured Clinical Examination.....although I don't know what is so objective about it, it definitely won't be the marking) and......*grrrrrrr!!! at myself*
So for once, I was TOTALLY CALM (I'm usually shaking when I go into these things) must have been divine intervention, wasn't nervous or anything, heart rate was normal, could talk properly, and the case wasn't too hard.....So hopefully I'll be all good for the oral marking criteria (at least it felt alright), but unfortunately in terms of clinical stuff I recommended all the wrong things.
Why do I keep getting cases on UTIs???? 46yo woman with recurrent UTIs, with script for a new antibiotic, 3 day course of Noroxin, as she had had a urine test which showed the strain of bacteria she had was resistant to the drug the doctor had previously prescribed. So all good as Noroxin is meant to be used for resistant strains. But completely didn't realise the course was meant to be increased to 10 days as her UTIs are recurrent. How stupid of me. Goodbye to Major Finding and Recommendation #1.
Also stuffed up Major Finding #1 as I suggested nitrofurantoin to be used for prophylaxis of her recurrent UTIs, not realising that nitrofurantoin interacts with Noroxin, and these two drugs should not be used together. Stupid stupid stupid.
Hopefully I at least pass with what I wrote for Major finding #2 (that she is at risk for developing diabetes and should get tested). You have to pass this stupid exam to pass the subject! even if you've passed everything else! If I fail this, it would be a total waste of my flukes in our earlier 20% case study assessment and 5% multi-guess quizzes! (I was so surprised when I got those back, I thought that maybe for once, I might even get a credit in this subject!)
(Not that there's anything wrong with passes, but would you trust a pharmacist who's never gotten above 65 in the subject called "Pharmacy Practice"? It's pretty much the only subject that really counts and has any relevance to being a pharmacist, and I suck at it. (OK, maybe the other subjects are kinda relevant as well...)
Waaahhh! The case was so easy and I stuffed it up! Not enough time. If there had been more time I would have checked things more thoroughly. Not that real-life pharmacists get enough time to do things.
Oh well. It's over now. Back to studying for normal sit-down exams.
So for once, I was TOTALLY CALM (I'm usually shaking when I go into these things) must have been divine intervention, wasn't nervous or anything, heart rate was normal, could talk properly, and the case wasn't too hard.....So hopefully I'll be all good for the oral marking criteria (at least it felt alright), but unfortunately in terms of clinical stuff I recommended all the wrong things.
Why do I keep getting cases on UTIs???? 46yo woman with recurrent UTIs, with script for a new antibiotic, 3 day course of Noroxin, as she had had a urine test which showed the strain of bacteria she had was resistant to the drug the doctor had previously prescribed. So all good as Noroxin is meant to be used for resistant strains. But completely didn't realise the course was meant to be increased to 10 days as her UTIs are recurrent. How stupid of me. Goodbye to Major Finding and Recommendation #1.
Also stuffed up Major Finding #1 as I suggested nitrofurantoin to be used for prophylaxis of her recurrent UTIs, not realising that nitrofurantoin interacts with Noroxin, and these two drugs should not be used together. Stupid stupid stupid.
Hopefully I at least pass with what I wrote for Major finding #2 (that she is at risk for developing diabetes and should get tested). You have to pass this stupid exam to pass the subject! even if you've passed everything else! If I fail this, it would be a total waste of my flukes in our earlier 20% case study assessment and 5% multi-guess quizzes! (I was so surprised when I got those back, I thought that maybe for once, I might even get a credit in this subject!)
(Not that there's anything wrong with passes, but would you trust a pharmacist who's never gotten above 65 in the subject called "Pharmacy Practice"? It's pretty much the only subject that really counts and has any relevance to being a pharmacist, and I suck at it. (OK, maybe the other subjects are kinda relevant as well...)
Waaahhh! The case was so easy and I stuffed it up! Not enough time. If there had been more time I would have checked things more thoroughly. Not that real-life pharmacists get enough time to do things.
Oh well. It's over now. Back to studying for normal sit-down exams.
Saturday, November 05, 2005
Star Fade
(...the tragic love song/poem, inspired by Angi's post on star fades.) (I hope she doesn't mind me stealing her ideas!)
Once upon a balmy night
In the summer of our youth
We drank in the moonlight
While breezes caught our whispered truths
And in the silence of the moment
It could all have been a dream
And you said, "Run Away's been done before,
Won't you star fade out with me?"
Once upon a rainy night
Now wiser through the years
We sat while in the shaded light
Your cheeks glistened with tears
And in the silence of the moment
I could just recall that dream
Where you said, "Run Away's been done before,
Won't you star fade out with me?"
But oh, there were no stars that night
The rain fell from the skies
It washed away our memories
It drowned our empty sighs
Once upon a frosty night
When winter trees were bare
You lay in peace and said goodbye
To all that we had shared
And in the silence of the moment
There was nothing left to dream
And I said, "I've never been here before,
Please don't star fade out from me."
Awww......*sniff* That's so sad! (*Ahem* in both senses of the word....c'mon, it is really late, though, I am kinda still wide awake, despite needing to get up early tomorrow morning for a flight to Brisbane...yeah, sorry, couldn't work out whether to be tragic or funny, so went for both simultaneously with above disasterous consequences.)
Acknowledgements again to the original blog post =)
Once upon a balmy night
In the summer of our youth
We drank in the moonlight
While breezes caught our whispered truths
And in the silence of the moment
It could all have been a dream
And you said, "Run Away's been done before,
Won't you star fade out with me?"
Once upon a rainy night
Now wiser through the years
We sat while in the shaded light
Your cheeks glistened with tears
And in the silence of the moment
I could just recall that dream
Where you said, "Run Away's been done before,
Won't you star fade out with me?"
But oh, there were no stars that night
The rain fell from the skies
It washed away our memories
It drowned our empty sighs
Once upon a frosty night
When winter trees were bare
You lay in peace and said goodbye
To all that we had shared
And in the silence of the moment
There was nothing left to dream
And I said, "I've never been here before,
Please don't star fade out from me."
Awww......*sniff* That's so sad! (*Ahem* in both senses of the word....c'mon, it is really late, though, I am kinda still wide awake, despite needing to get up early tomorrow morning for a flight to Brisbane...yeah, sorry, couldn't work out whether to be tragic or funny, so went for both simultaneously with above disasterous consequences.)
Acknowledgements again to the original blog post =)
Friday, November 04, 2005
O Lord, the clouds are gathering
Words and music by Graham Kendrick
O Lord, the clouds are gathering, the fire of judgement burns,
How we have fallen!
O Lord, you stand appalled to see your laws of love so scorned,
And lives so broken.
Have mercy Lord,
Forgive us Lord,
Restore us Lord; revive your church again
Let justice flow,
Like rivers,
And righteousness like a neverfailing stream.
O Lord, over the nations now, where is the dove of peace?
Her wings are broken,
O Lord, while precious children starve, the tools of war increase,
Their bread is stolen.
Have mercy Lord,
Forgive us Lord,
Restore us Lord; revive your church again
Let justice flow,
Like rivers,
And righteousness like a neverfailing stream.
O Lord, dark powers are poised to flood our streets with hate and fear,
We must awaken!
O Lord, let love reclaim the lives that sin would sweep away,
And let Your kingdom come!
Have mercy Lord,
Forgive us Lord,
Restore us Lord; revive your church again
Let justice flow,
Like rivers,
And righteousness like a neverfailing stream.
Yet O Lord, your glorious cross shall tower triumphant in this land,
Evil confounding;
Through the fire, your suffering church displays the glories of her Christ,
Praises resounding.
Have mercy Lord,
Forgive us Lord,
Restore us Lord; revive your church again
Let justice flow,
Like rivers,
And righteousness like a neverfailing stream,
A neverfailing stream.
"But let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream!"
Amos 5:24
O Lord, the clouds are gathering, the fire of judgement burns,
How we have fallen!
O Lord, you stand appalled to see your laws of love so scorned,
And lives so broken.
Have mercy Lord,
Forgive us Lord,
Restore us Lord; revive your church again
Let justice flow,
Like rivers,
And righteousness like a neverfailing stream.
O Lord, over the nations now, where is the dove of peace?
Her wings are broken,
O Lord, while precious children starve, the tools of war increase,
Their bread is stolen.
Have mercy Lord,
Forgive us Lord,
Restore us Lord; revive your church again
Let justice flow,
Like rivers,
And righteousness like a neverfailing stream.
O Lord, dark powers are poised to flood our streets with hate and fear,
We must awaken!
O Lord, let love reclaim the lives that sin would sweep away,
And let Your kingdom come!
Have mercy Lord,
Forgive us Lord,
Restore us Lord; revive your church again
Let justice flow,
Like rivers,
And righteousness like a neverfailing stream.
Yet O Lord, your glorious cross shall tower triumphant in this land,
Evil confounding;
Through the fire, your suffering church displays the glories of her Christ,
Praises resounding.
Have mercy Lord,
Forgive us Lord,
Restore us Lord; revive your church again
Let justice flow,
Like rivers,
And righteousness like a neverfailing stream,
A neverfailing stream.
"But let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream!"
Amos 5:24
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Late night meandering rhymings
Feeling uninspired
Feeling like nothing has transpired
I even had to look up that word
It was something that I've heard
But didn't know what it meant
Feeling kinda tired
Feeling like my brain has been rewired
What's the big deal
With writing how I feel
All that time spent
Writing out the lines
As if lines could make my paths straight
As if lines could get rid of all the hate
As if lines could tell my fate
I'll give you my hand
Maybe then you'd understand
Not that lines could tell my fate
Not that hands could ever equate
To what is felt inside
But hand in hand
Even if you still don't understand
No longer alone to keep the pace
No longer alone the world to face
No longer a need to hide
Feeling like nothing has transpired
I even had to look up that word
It was something that I've heard
But didn't know what it meant
Feeling kinda tired
Feeling like my brain has been rewired
What's the big deal
With writing how I feel
All that time spent
Writing out the lines
As if lines could make my paths straight
As if lines could get rid of all the hate
As if lines could tell my fate
I'll give you my hand
Maybe then you'd understand
Not that lines could tell my fate
Not that hands could ever equate
To what is felt inside
But hand in hand
Even if you still don't understand
No longer alone to keep the pace
No longer alone the world to face
No longer a need to hide
Thursday, October 27, 2005
10 Things I Hate About Myself
I hate it when I feel too tired for QTs or for prayer,
I hate that uni is so hard, I hate how I don't care.
I hate how things I should enjoy can seem like such a chore,
I hate how things that once made sense, don't make sense anymore.
I hate when I'm awake at night, I hate it when I cry,
I hate the way I get depressed and feel like I should die.
I hate when I think I should smile and say things are OK...
But mostly I hate not being able to finish this off properly, cos I'm all rhymed out for today!
I hate that uni is so hard, I hate how I don't care.
I hate how things I should enjoy can seem like such a chore,
I hate how things that once made sense, don't make sense anymore.
I hate when I'm awake at night, I hate it when I cry,
I hate the way I get depressed and feel like I should die.
I hate when I think I should smile and say things are OK...
But mostly I hate not being able to finish this off properly, cos I'm all rhymed out for today!
Monday, October 24, 2005
An update (of sorts) on my boring life
My OSCE Exam Timetable (...no one knows what "OSCE" stands for...anyway, it's the exam for Pharmacy Practice you have to pass to pass the subject)
*cue ominous music*
Date of Exam: Tuesday, 8th November, 2005
Room to report to (preparation room): N410A
8:20AM - Time into Preparation Room (that is waaaaay too early to start an exam...)
9:10 - START Preparation Time
9:40 - END Preparation Time
9:45 - STATION 1 - Interview Patient
9:50 - Patient station 1a (computer)
9:55 - STATION 2 - Interview Doctor
10:00 - Doctor station 2a (computer)
10:05 - STATION 3 - Documentation (computer)
10:15 - STATION 4 - Prepare to Counsel (computer)
10:20 - station 4a (computer)
10:25 - STATION 5 - Counsel Patient
10:30 - 10:40 - QUARANTINE
(bwahahaha, "Quarantine"!!!....I can't believe they actually call it that...oh well, it's an accurate enough description, being kept isolated so we can't 'pass things on' to other students)
Waaaahhhh! I am going to die!....hmmm, then maybe I won't have to do my other five exams....
*cue ominous music*
Date of Exam: Tuesday, 8th November, 2005
Room to report to (preparation room): N410A
8:20AM - Time into Preparation Room (that is waaaaay too early to start an exam...)
9:10 - START Preparation Time
9:40 - END Preparation Time
9:45 - STATION 1 - Interview Patient
9:50 - Patient station 1a (computer)
9:55 - STATION 2 - Interview Doctor
10:00 - Doctor station 2a (computer)
10:05 - STATION 3 - Documentation (computer)
10:15 - STATION 4 - Prepare to Counsel (computer)
10:20 - station 4a (computer)
10:25 - STATION 5 - Counsel Patient
10:30 - 10:40 - QUARANTINE
(bwahahaha, "Quarantine"!!!....I can't believe they actually call it that...oh well, it's an accurate enough description, being kept isolated so we can't 'pass things on' to other students)
Waaaahhhh! I am going to die!....hmmm, then maybe I won't have to do my other five exams....
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Lonely places
Buses are lonely places
People sitting in silence
Staring ahead or out the window
Sometimes sleeping, sometimes reading
They come and they go
Crowded, lonely places
Lecture theatres are lonely places
People sitting in silence (supposedly)
Staring at the front or at their notes
Sometimes sleeping, sometimes eating
They come and they go
Crowded, lonely places
Churches are lonely places
People sitting (hey, how was your week?)
Staring at the speaker or at their notes
Sometimes singing, sometimes drifting
They come and they go
Crowded, lonely places?
People sitting in silence
Staring ahead or out the window
Sometimes sleeping, sometimes reading
They come and they go
Crowded, lonely places
Lecture theatres are lonely places
People sitting in silence (supposedly)
Staring at the front or at their notes
Sometimes sleeping, sometimes eating
They come and they go
Crowded, lonely places
Churches are lonely places
People sitting (hey, how was your week?)
Staring at the speaker or at their notes
Sometimes singing, sometimes drifting
They come and they go
Crowded, lonely places?
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Internal supernova
There comes a point in your life where everything you are aware of, everything you have ever known, condenses itself into a tiny, heavy point, and then explodes - your personal Big Bang. Then you are flying in a million different directions at once, but headed nowhere; and you are left feeling hollow on the inside, for in that place where there once was everything, there is now nothing; it is speeding away from you so fast, that try as you may, you will never catch it.
You hope against hope that perhaps just one of those fragments is headed in the right direction, and perhaps it is just big enough to be able to eventually draw all the other pieces towards it by its own gravity, to once again fill the void, and be single-minded in heading for your destination.
Here is a question I asked some people last night (although in a way it was more for myself since no one ever really understands what's behind my questions except me): If you could choose whether or not to be born, would you want to be born? Defining "being born", I suppose, as more or less equivalent to "coming into existence". I can't remember the exact context in which I asked the question, although I think we were talking about relationships and life in general... after all, what else is there to talk about.
I think most people would say yes, right, because....what else is there, other than to be born and exist? But thinking about it again this morning, another strange question popped into my head: Is it natural to exist? Why should it be natural to exist rather than to not exist? Because I would have thought, it is innately more natural to not exist than to exist. To exist, you need to be created out of nothing, and the most unnatural thing I can think of is to be able to get something out of nothing.
I really should have done philosophy, but then again, perhaps it is just as well I didn't. In the end, that is not a practical question to be asking. I cannot somehow will myself into non-existence even I wanted to. I could choose to end my life, but I cannot choose to end my existence. I am not God.
*****
Switchfoot were back in town last night...didn't realise they would be here again so soon. I watched them perform live on Sunrise the TV breakfast show though (haha I actually taped it cos I had a really early driving lesson). Jon Foreman's thoughts on their new album are quite interesting...a bit of Ecclesiastes, a bit of the world, a bit of himself. I wonder what it would be like to meet the guy.
Sometimes the emptiness is filled by music, the laughter of a universe praising its Creator, an inexpressible and glorious joy.
You hope against hope that perhaps just one of those fragments is headed in the right direction, and perhaps it is just big enough to be able to eventually draw all the other pieces towards it by its own gravity, to once again fill the void, and be single-minded in heading for your destination.
Here is a question I asked some people last night (although in a way it was more for myself since no one ever really understands what's behind my questions except me): If you could choose whether or not to be born, would you want to be born? Defining "being born", I suppose, as more or less equivalent to "coming into existence". I can't remember the exact context in which I asked the question, although I think we were talking about relationships and life in general... after all, what else is there to talk about.
I think most people would say yes, right, because....what else is there, other than to be born and exist? But thinking about it again this morning, another strange question popped into my head: Is it natural to exist? Why should it be natural to exist rather than to not exist? Because I would have thought, it is innately more natural to not exist than to exist. To exist, you need to be created out of nothing, and the most unnatural thing I can think of is to be able to get something out of nothing.
I really should have done philosophy, but then again, perhaps it is just as well I didn't. In the end, that is not a practical question to be asking. I cannot somehow will myself into non-existence even I wanted to. I could choose to end my life, but I cannot choose to end my existence. I am not God.
*****
Switchfoot were back in town last night...didn't realise they would be here again so soon. I watched them perform live on Sunrise the TV breakfast show though (haha I actually taped it cos I had a really early driving lesson). Jon Foreman's thoughts on their new album are quite interesting...a bit of Ecclesiastes, a bit of the world, a bit of himself. I wonder what it would be like to meet the guy.
Sometimes the emptiness is filled by music, the laughter of a universe praising its Creator, an inexpressible and glorious joy.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Sweet and sour tiredness
Like some sort of badly cooked Asian dish,
The thoughts in my head are stirred
And my logic fried
As I turn up the heat of self- judgement.
My stomach feels uneasy
As I swallow a taste of my own medicine;
I never had the best culinary skills.
I always thought I never added enough faith
Into the existential mix,
But on Sunday the minister said that faith wasn't something
That could be measured anyway,
Like it was an ingredient you could buy off the supermarket shelf.
No...
"Strong faith is dependent on the strength of the one beng trusted,
Not the strength of the one doing the trusting."
So you need to know and understand the one you are trusting.
How much do I know and understand?
There's no point reading a cookbook if you aren't going to do any cooking.
Oh enough of this cryptic metaphor.
Sometimes I think reading the Bible to find out more about who God is
Is like trying to get to know a cook by reading their recipes.
Bloody hard.
As is knowing what to do with the recipe.
You can follow everything to the letter,
And the results are nothing like what you imagined they should have been.
I'd much rather it was one of those origami books,
The ones that tell you what to do step-by-step,
And have pictures or diagrams that show you exactly what it's meant to look like,
At each step.
Or even some sheet music:
Sure, it's hard to read at first,
But you go through it slowly,
Making sure you're learning everything correctly
(because mistakes are hard to correct once you've learnt them);
Practising one bit,
And another bit,
Before putting it all together...
And once you're comfortable with it,
And playing the "right" thing has become second nature,
You make it your own...
You're still playing what's on the paper,
But at certain times you emphasise some bits,
And don't emphasise other bits...
Actually, that's a pretty good analogy.
Hmm...
But how do you know?
How do you know you know?
How do you know what you don't know?
You know?
When it doesn't work out the way it's supposed to
You're left hungry
When you were meant to be enjoying the fruits of your labour...
And you have a whole lot of cleaning up to do.
Sometimes it's easier to read the cookbook,
And not do any cooking.
The thoughts in my head are stirred
And my logic fried
As I turn up the heat of self- judgement.
My stomach feels uneasy
As I swallow a taste of my own medicine;
I never had the best culinary skills.
I always thought I never added enough faith
Into the existential mix,
But on Sunday the minister said that faith wasn't something
That could be measured anyway,
Like it was an ingredient you could buy off the supermarket shelf.
No...
"Strong faith is dependent on the strength of the one beng trusted,
Not the strength of the one doing the trusting."
So you need to know and understand the one you are trusting.
How much do I know and understand?
There's no point reading a cookbook if you aren't going to do any cooking.
Oh enough of this cryptic metaphor.
Sometimes I think reading the Bible to find out more about who God is
Is like trying to get to know a cook by reading their recipes.
Bloody hard.
As is knowing what to do with the recipe.
You can follow everything to the letter,
And the results are nothing like what you imagined they should have been.
I'd much rather it was one of those origami books,
The ones that tell you what to do step-by-step,
And have pictures or diagrams that show you exactly what it's meant to look like,
At each step.
Or even some sheet music:
Sure, it's hard to read at first,
But you go through it slowly,
Making sure you're learning everything correctly
(because mistakes are hard to correct once you've learnt them);
Practising one bit,
And another bit,
Before putting it all together...
And once you're comfortable with it,
And playing the "right" thing has become second nature,
You make it your own...
You're still playing what's on the paper,
But at certain times you emphasise some bits,
And don't emphasise other bits...
Actually, that's a pretty good analogy.
Hmm...
But how do you know?
How do you know you know?
How do you know what you don't know?
You know?
When it doesn't work out the way it's supposed to
You're left hungry
When you were meant to be enjoying the fruits of your labour...
And you have a whole lot of cleaning up to do.
Sometimes it's easier to read the cookbook,
And not do any cooking.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
2-minute post
Arrrrgghhhhhh!!! My course is going to turn me into a pharmacist! I don't want to be a pharmacist!
Sometimes I feel like a 15 year old school girl. Actually, that's not that far off from reality. Sometimes I wish I was still a 15 year old school girl.
[Edit]
But you know, since when was it about what I wanted? You could spend your whole life going "I want this, I want that" and never get it. Sometimes life just isn't about what you want.
[Edit 2]
There is never enough time or motivation to do everything.
Sometimes I feel like a 15 year old school girl. Actually, that's not that far off from reality. Sometimes I wish I was still a 15 year old school girl.
[Edit]
But you know, since when was it about what I wanted? You could spend your whole life going "I want this, I want that" and never get it. Sometimes life just isn't about what you want.
[Edit 2]
There is never enough time or motivation to do everything.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Seashell
Crawling
Your mind's too tired to talk
Your feet too tired to walk
Don't lie
Calling
You once were lost and drowned
But now you have been found
You're high
You like to laugh
You are alive and breathing
You like to cry
You are alive and bleeding
You take the waves as they come
You're just waiting for the next one
If I hold you near
Will you tell me what you hear?
The untamed ocean's roar
The call of distant shores
Sound of life rushing through veins
Under the light you're now unstained
The waves that echo from the sea
Are they in you or are they in me?
Morning
Horizon makes no sound
As sunlight comes around
You fly
Falling
Your feet don't touch the ground
You run to reach the crown
You try
I like to laugh
I am alive and breathing
I like to cry
I am alive and bleeding
Take the waves as they come
Just waiting for the next one
If I hold you near
Will you tell me what you hear?
The untamed ocean's roar
The call of distant shores
Sound of life rushing through veins
Under the light you're now unstained
The waves that echo from the sea
Are they in you?
Or do I hear what's in me?
Your mind's too tired to talk
Your feet too tired to walk
Don't lie
Calling
You once were lost and drowned
But now you have been found
You're high
You like to laugh
You are alive and breathing
You like to cry
You are alive and bleeding
You take the waves as they come
You're just waiting for the next one
If I hold you near
Will you tell me what you hear?
The untamed ocean's roar
The call of distant shores
Sound of life rushing through veins
Under the light you're now unstained
The waves that echo from the sea
Are they in you or are they in me?
Morning
Horizon makes no sound
As sunlight comes around
You fly
Falling
Your feet don't touch the ground
You run to reach the crown
You try
I like to laugh
I am alive and breathing
I like to cry
I am alive and bleeding
Take the waves as they come
Just waiting for the next one
If I hold you near
Will you tell me what you hear?
The untamed ocean's roar
The call of distant shores
Sound of life rushing through veins
Under the light you're now unstained
The waves that echo from the sea
Are they in you?
Or do I hear what's in me?
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Help me be patient and be patient with me
It is not for the created to question the Creator why they were made
But sometimes the mind is prone to ponder -
"Why me, Lord?
Why not some other worthy creation
Who would not have failed the way that I have?"
Who can know the paths that You have planned for me,
The decisions as yet undecided,
The calls that wait patiently, watching time pass
Until that moment when a response shall be formed quietly in heart, in reflection -
"I will follow."
Who can know? Not even I.
Shall I trust that although I know not
The "why" of me,
The "me" is sufficient for the "why"?
(Whatever that may be)
But sometimes the mind is prone to ponder -
"Why me, Lord?
Why not some other worthy creation
Who would not have failed the way that I have?"
Who can know the paths that You have planned for me,
The decisions as yet undecided,
The calls that wait patiently, watching time pass
Until that moment when a response shall be formed quietly in heart, in reflection -
"I will follow."
Who can know? Not even I.
Shall I trust that although I know not
The "why" of me,
The "me" is sufficient for the "why"?
(Whatever that may be)
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Unfailing God...
....is finally here!...starting with a debate at 1pm on Monday in The Great Hall/MacLaurin Hall. The topic is 'Has God failed us?' (a debate on the existence and relevance of God) and will be between Glenn Davies, the bishop of North Sydney, and Ian Ellis-Jones, a senior lecturer at the University of Technology.
And check out the website! It's really cool, I kept clicking on the title to make it flash, hehehehe...so infantile. Oh, and it has a discussion forum that opens on Monday.
And check out the website! It's really cool, I kept clicking on the title to make it flash, hehehehe...so infantile. Oh, and it has a discussion forum that opens on Monday.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Not this again...
What is it with me and leaving assignments that require a lot of work and planning till the night before they're due?
So I find myself in this now familiar situation once more...you'd think I'd have learnt from all those other times to get things done earlier (and not waste time by blogging about it =P).
Yawn, this report is so boring and hard....it's probably gonna take me all night/morning to finish, and the worst thing is, it's only worth 3.75% (25% of 15%) !! And I'm gonna have to do yet another one of these in a few weeks time! I would seriously write crap and hand it in, only it's a group-work thing, so I kinda have to do my best...or at least something substantial.
The funny thing is, I'm so disorganised with my uni work these days; I procrastinate and leave things to the very last minute, but with Glue music stuff I'm, like, borderline control freak. I start getting stressed if I'm not two weeks on top of the schedule. Why is that? I think people expect me to be like that with my uni work as well...maybe I used to be, once upon a time, but definitely not anymore.
Plus my room is such a mess these days...it used to be super neat and tidy, but now...I think it looks pretty normal...haha...much like my exam marks, methinks.
Oh well, let's face it, when you get down to it, uni is boring. And work will probably be boring too, which is why I'm not all that keen to start any time soon. Although I think I am finding this semester less unbearable than last semester...but the prospect of going into pharmacy as a career, and just the whole pharmacy degree in general....I think I would liken it to the prospect of having to drink a cold cup of tea. Not the iced sort of cold, but tepid, or lukewarm. The sort that starts off steamy and interesting, but over time, gets cold, and it's like, if you still had to drink it, you probably would, but if you had a choice, you'd rather not have to drink it.
So since I'm more than halfway through this cold cup of tea, I suppose I'd better just hold my nose and gulp the rest of it down as quickly as possible. I just hope I don't choke.
So I find myself in this now familiar situation once more...you'd think I'd have learnt from all those other times to get things done earlier (and not waste time by blogging about it =P).
Yawn, this report is so boring and hard....it's probably gonna take me all night/morning to finish, and the worst thing is, it's only worth 3.75% (25% of 15%) !! And I'm gonna have to do yet another one of these in a few weeks time! I would seriously write crap and hand it in, only it's a group-work thing, so I kinda have to do my best...or at least something substantial.
The funny thing is, I'm so disorganised with my uni work these days; I procrastinate and leave things to the very last minute, but with Glue music stuff I'm, like, borderline control freak. I start getting stressed if I'm not two weeks on top of the schedule. Why is that? I think people expect me to be like that with my uni work as well...maybe I used to be, once upon a time, but definitely not anymore.
Plus my room is such a mess these days...it used to be super neat and tidy, but now...I think it looks pretty normal...haha...much like my exam marks, methinks.
Oh well, let's face it, when you get down to it, uni is boring. And work will probably be boring too, which is why I'm not all that keen to start any time soon. Although I think I am finding this semester less unbearable than last semester...but the prospect of going into pharmacy as a career, and just the whole pharmacy degree in general....I think I would liken it to the prospect of having to drink a cold cup of tea. Not the iced sort of cold, but tepid, or lukewarm. The sort that starts off steamy and interesting, but over time, gets cold, and it's like, if you still had to drink it, you probably would, but if you had a choice, you'd rather not have to drink it.
So since I'm more than halfway through this cold cup of tea, I suppose I'd better just hold my nose and gulp the rest of it down as quickly as possible. I just hope I don't choke.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Things that annoy me....
Having lunch today at the Burwood Westfield food court, someone asked me, "So what's it like being a minister's kid?"
"Do you want the good or the bad?" I asked.
"The bad."
Heh. I have gotten this question quite a few times during my life, but it's been a while since anyone last asked me, so I struggled to really come up with anything except what's really been bugging me over the past few months.
I was really encouraged by the talks at AnCon about the church, I learnt some new concepts and was reminded of some old ones.
But week to week, year to year, living in the same household as someone who's life's work is related to the church, one fact keeps slapping you squarely in the face: the church is far from perfect. The people in it are far from perfect.
When I say "the church" in this context, I am not talking about the universal church, the body of Christ, the community which all Christians are saved by grace into; I'm referring to the local church you attend, serve at, work at....or more specifically, the church of WS.
One issue that keeps surfacing every now and then, and the one which gets to me most, is the continuing tensions between the English and Cantonese congregations, and more specifically, the tensions between these two congregations' youth ministries, Glue and CYF (Cantonese Youth Fellowship) (I'm pretty sure that's what it's called....need to check up on that though) (*looks sheepish*)
With the congregations in general, I suppose that it will always take a lot of effort and love for them to work together...they have very different demographics and cultures, and the upbringing of their leaders has been different, so they have different "ways of doing things". I'm sure the deacons have a much better idea of what I'm trying to talk about than I do.
I'm not sure if people are aware of the tensions between Glue and CYF...I could just be imagining things, but from my point of view, I think we (Glue) get on their (CYF's) nerves quite a bit.
The fact that I am using "us" and "them" language is bad, there should be unity in Christ, there is no "them", it should all be "us"....but at the same time, we are so different. We do the same thing in building up disciples of Jesus, but we do such different things.
We do stuff that annoys them. Like leaving church on a Friday night without locking up, not realising they don't have a church key. Or wanting to swap halls for an evangelistic event when they had some special event planned for that night too. But that was ages ago. And it all seems so trivial. Why do I remember such trivial things? I don't think anyone is holding any grudges.
I don't know what I'm talking about anymore.
CP11 has been going for a few weeks now. Apparently, the neighbours complained about the loudness of the music the first week it was held. My parents worry that the neighbours will stop us from being allowed to get an extension on the church building, because the neighbours aren't happy with the noise...why would they let us make the building even bigger, to fit more people in, when we already make so much noise in the space we have?
My parents don't understand why we have to use drums and bass guitar, and why the music team has to practice in the afternoon as well as in the morning...well, why do we use the instruments we use? Could we do without them? Could the music team make do without the afternoon practices at CP?
I can see where they're coming from. They've put so much work into starting this branch church. I'm proud of my dad for sticking with it through thick and thin. Through all the stupid church politics. Messy relationships. Whatever.
From the beginnings at Newington Public School, it's come so far. Being allowed by the council to extend the church building would mean a lot. And it sounds totally stupid to blame everything on a drum kit and a bass guitar, and making noise in the morning during service and in the afternoon for practices...but, if the application gets rejected, you just can't help wondering....
I don't know what to think. I really hate it when my parents express their irritation at Glue and CP11 and the like, because that's what I'm a part of and the people there and the things we do are what have built me up to where I am now and they continue to do so. But they're my parents and I love them and I know they've worked so hard, looking after CYF, and leading a group of people from the Cantonese congregation to make the vision of a new church become a reality.
Hmmm...so this is what I sometimes tear myself up over when I'm alone.
Minister's kid: the downside. There you go.
"Do you want the good or the bad?" I asked.
"The bad."
Heh. I have gotten this question quite a few times during my life, but it's been a while since anyone last asked me, so I struggled to really come up with anything except what's really been bugging me over the past few months.
I was really encouraged by the talks at AnCon about the church, I learnt some new concepts and was reminded of some old ones.
But week to week, year to year, living in the same household as someone who's life's work is related to the church, one fact keeps slapping you squarely in the face: the church is far from perfect. The people in it are far from perfect.
When I say "the church" in this context, I am not talking about the universal church, the body of Christ, the community which all Christians are saved by grace into; I'm referring to the local church you attend, serve at, work at....or more specifically, the church of WS.
One issue that keeps surfacing every now and then, and the one which gets to me most, is the continuing tensions between the English and Cantonese congregations, and more specifically, the tensions between these two congregations' youth ministries, Glue and CYF (Cantonese Youth Fellowship) (I'm pretty sure that's what it's called....need to check up on that though) (*looks sheepish*)
With the congregations in general, I suppose that it will always take a lot of effort and love for them to work together...they have very different demographics and cultures, and the upbringing of their leaders has been different, so they have different "ways of doing things". I'm sure the deacons have a much better idea of what I'm trying to talk about than I do.
I'm not sure if people are aware of the tensions between Glue and CYF...I could just be imagining things, but from my point of view, I think we (Glue) get on their (CYF's) nerves quite a bit.
The fact that I am using "us" and "them" language is bad, there should be unity in Christ, there is no "them", it should all be "us"....but at the same time, we are so different. We do the same thing in building up disciples of Jesus, but we do such different things.
We do stuff that annoys them. Like leaving church on a Friday night without locking up, not realising they don't have a church key. Or wanting to swap halls for an evangelistic event when they had some special event planned for that night too. But that was ages ago. And it all seems so trivial. Why do I remember such trivial things? I don't think anyone is holding any grudges.
I don't know what I'm talking about anymore.
CP11 has been going for a few weeks now. Apparently, the neighbours complained about the loudness of the music the first week it was held. My parents worry that the neighbours will stop us from being allowed to get an extension on the church building, because the neighbours aren't happy with the noise...why would they let us make the building even bigger, to fit more people in, when we already make so much noise in the space we have?
My parents don't understand why we have to use drums and bass guitar, and why the music team has to practice in the afternoon as well as in the morning...well, why do we use the instruments we use? Could we do without them? Could the music team make do without the afternoon practices at CP?
I can see where they're coming from. They've put so much work into starting this branch church. I'm proud of my dad for sticking with it through thick and thin. Through all the stupid church politics. Messy relationships. Whatever.
From the beginnings at Newington Public School, it's come so far. Being allowed by the council to extend the church building would mean a lot. And it sounds totally stupid to blame everything on a drum kit and a bass guitar, and making noise in the morning during service and in the afternoon for practices...but, if the application gets rejected, you just can't help wondering....
I don't know what to think. I really hate it when my parents express their irritation at Glue and CP11 and the like, because that's what I'm a part of and the people there and the things we do are what have built me up to where I am now and they continue to do so. But they're my parents and I love them and I know they've worked so hard, looking after CYF, and leading a group of people from the Cantonese congregation to make the vision of a new church become a reality.
Hmmm...so this is what I sometimes tear myself up over when I'm alone.
Minister's kid: the downside. There you go.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Wake me up when semester ends
Summer has come and passed
The holidays don't ever last
Wake me up when semester ends
Like the weekend's come to pass
Seven weeks have gone so fast
Wake me up when semester ends
Here come exams again
Memories left me scarred
It's time to cram again
'Til morning kills the stars
As my caffeine wears off
I crave the sleep that I have lost
Wake me up when semester ends
Stuvac has come and passed
The time to sleep in never lasts
Wake me up when semester ends
Bring out the books again
Like we did when school began
Wake me up when semester ends
It's ten past three again
My mind's feeling bizarre
Rather do the HSC again
'Cos uni's worse by far
Now's the time for regrets
For learning facts that I'll forget
Wake me up when semester ends
All I want, is to pass
Don't wanna fail like half the class
Wake me up when semester ends
Like the night has come to pass
Thirteen weeks have gone so fast
Wake me up when semester ends
Wake me up when semester ends
Wake me up when semester ends
For lyrics to the *real* song, click here. But I think I can relate much better to these ones (obviously) (even though it's only Week 4 of this semester) ....Will have to dig this up in Week 13 :)
Edit: Was thinking about the Green Day lyrics on the bus on the way to uni this morning (Monday), and was dwelling on the bit where he sings "Here comes the rain again/Falling from the stars"...I thought it was a rather nice way to describe rain falling from the sky, because you know, rain falls from the sky, and stars are in the sky, so you might as well say that rain falls from the stars. So then I was visualising this pretty image of rain falling from a night sky twinkling with stars... but of course, for some reason it seemed wrong...and it took me a second to realise that you never see rain falling from the stars, because if it was raining, all the stars would be covered by the rain clouds.
Anyway, that was a bit random, if not blonde...just thought I'd share a bit of my bus ride with you all :P
The holidays don't ever last
Wake me up when semester ends
Like the weekend's come to pass
Seven weeks have gone so fast
Wake me up when semester ends
Here come exams again
Memories left me scarred
It's time to cram again
'Til morning kills the stars
As my caffeine wears off
I crave the sleep that I have lost
Wake me up when semester ends
Stuvac has come and passed
The time to sleep in never lasts
Wake me up when semester ends
Bring out the books again
Like we did when school began
Wake me up when semester ends
It's ten past three again
My mind's feeling bizarre
Rather do the HSC again
'Cos uni's worse by far
Now's the time for regrets
For learning facts that I'll forget
Wake me up when semester ends
All I want, is to pass
Don't wanna fail like half the class
Wake me up when semester ends
Like the night has come to pass
Thirteen weeks have gone so fast
Wake me up when semester ends
Wake me up when semester ends
Wake me up when semester ends
For lyrics to the *real* song, click here. But I think I can relate much better to these ones (obviously) (even though it's only Week 4 of this semester) ....Will have to dig this up in Week 13 :)
Edit: Was thinking about the Green Day lyrics on the bus on the way to uni this morning (Monday), and was dwelling on the bit where he sings "Here comes the rain again/Falling from the stars"...I thought it was a rather nice way to describe rain falling from the sky, because you know, rain falls from the sky, and stars are in the sky, so you might as well say that rain falls from the stars. So then I was visualising this pretty image of rain falling from a night sky twinkling with stars... but of course, for some reason it seemed wrong...and it took me a second to realise that you never see rain falling from the stars, because if it was raining, all the stars would be covered by the rain clouds.
Anyway, that was a bit random, if not blonde...just thought I'd share a bit of my bus ride with you all :P
Friday, August 12, 2005
RICE photos
OK, this is going to be a pathetically short post, no time to blog these days...
RICE photos are up, if you haven't already discovered them...follow the links.
The ones of the skit come after photos of these three security people sleeping on the job...
I managed to be in the foreground of one of the pics of us marching down the aisle...hmmm, my 5 megapixels of fame...or however many it is...
RICE photos are up, if you haven't already discovered them...follow the links.
The ones of the skit come after photos of these three security people sleeping on the job...
I managed to be in the foreground of one of the pics of us marching down the aisle...hmmm, my 5 megapixels of fame...or however many it is...
Sunday, July 24, 2005
On AnCon and other things
OK, so I will try to stay positive for at least the first half of this post...
AnCon *sigh*...where to begin? Words will never do justice to the richness of the experience. Do I sound like I'm dreaming? I wish the memory would not fade so fast...clear blue skies and spectacular views; people, lots of people, old friends, new friends; music and singing...Holy, holy, holy rocked (quite literally), Ancient of Days was jazzy and Behold the Lamb of God went slightly techno, along with a few others...My personal favourite was when we sung Amazing Grace at the end of one of the main evening sessions, followed closely by You are my King at the last session. I know singing is not just about the experience, but being there with 370(?) other people all getting into the music, was like, wow.
What else...an informative seminar on what worship is (and what it is not); challenging and inspiring morning sessions with talks by Ian Powell on Heroes of the Church; room group bible studies conducted while huddled under blankets because it was cold; time out to pray facing the ocean, or swinging on swings, under that fantastic blue sky we had everyday all week (praise the Lord!); staying up 'til 3am chatting; endless cups of tea in styrofoam cups....and of course, the main sessions with talks by Andrew Katay on The Church.
Jesus IS the church - the essence of church is the presence of Jesus, by his word and through his Spirit. Saved by grace, so church by grace. What the church is for - to know, love and serve the Lord Jesus Christ, his church and the world, in the power of the Holy Spirit, to the glory of God the Father. The church's life is it's mission (and vice versa).
So what does it all mean? Haha, well between my sleep-deprived head and my scrawled notes, it does make some sort of sense to me. And in terms of concrete action...well, I will be praying that if is God's will for my life to be part of the *apostolic associated ministry*, He will make it clear...it's a small start.
So I've probably lost everyone who wasn't at AnCon by now...but what can I say? I loved it. One of the best weeks I've had all year, if not THE best.
And now it's back to uni tomorrow. It's hard to shine like the stars in a place that weighs you down so much. But that's what we're called to do. And we have so much to be thankful for.
One day at a time. The darkness of night brings with it the promise of sleep, that temporary sweet relief from your own mind, and the thoughts that swirl inside.
the next day, the next day -
it was only a matter of balance.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
AnCon 2005
I’m forgiven, because You were forsaken
I’m accepted, You were condemned
I’m alive and well, Your Spirit is within me
Because You died and rose again
Amazing love, how can it be
That You, my King, should die for me?
Amazing love, I know it’s true
And it’s my joy to honour You
In all I do, to honour You
You are my king
You are my king
Jesus, You are my king
You are my king
Amazing love, how can it be
That You, my king, should die for me?
Amazing love, I know it's true
And it's my joy to honour You
In all I do, to honour You
Monday, July 11, 2005
Tunnels and blinkers
I'm tired of looking at the bigger picture. My peripheral vision is getting strained.
Although staring at your own belly-button isn't exactly conducive to personal growth either.
Belly-buttons are a strange part of the anatomy. A lot of people often wonder whether Adam and Eve had belly-buttons, since they weren't born from mothers. I suppose they wouldn't have had them.
Other than that, everyone pretty much has a belly button. (Well, unless you're one of those people who used to be morbidly obese, and then lost lots of weight, but then you end up with lots of loose, wrinkly skin because it's been stretched for so long, so you go and get plastic surgery to get it all cut off, and in the process they cut off the belly button, so then they usually put in a fake one. But that's a different story.) Err...where was I? Oh yeah, everyone has a belly button. In a some ways, it's a symbol of your independence more than your own car, your own house, your own job will ever be. That moment when the doctor clamps off that blood supply from your mother, the lifeline that delivers oxygen and nutrients to your body...well, you're all on your own.
It's probably a good thing we don't consciously remember being born. I suppose it would be a rather traumatic experience (yes, I mean for the baby). I mean, you would probably be going, "What on earth is all this stuff?? Air? Light? ARGH!! Put me back in, put me back in!"
My parents once joked about how the first time my dad saw me after I had just been born, I was yawning, as if I was bored already. Which I suppose would have been an interesting first impression to make on your parents, these days it's usually kicking and screaming, since the parents would most likely be present at the actual birth. (Yes, it's rather funny now I think about it, how neither of my parents saw me being born, my mum was under full anaesthetic, and they didn't allow dads into the operating theatre back then. And my mum didn't get to see me until I was two days old. What a great way to start off their one shot a parenthood :P)
Back to belly-buttons...yes, it is rather clever of God to allow us to be able to scab from our mothers for nine months and then be separated with minimal fuss. Although of course these days, some people like to punch holes through it so they can decorate it and show it off. Maybe in the future belly-buttons will be a bit of an ethical statement, kind of like saying "I'm a REAL person, I wasn't grown in a petri dish!" But thankfully, I think that's still a long way off.
Now that I've dedicated a whole page to a reduntant part of our anatomy, I can't remember what I was originally meant to be writing about. Ah yes, looking at the bigger picture. And needing to stop being so self-focused. I suppose as always, balance is the best way to go about these things. A sense of self without being myopic and a sense of the bigger things without getting lost in the vastness of it all.
Sometimes I think they have the right idea with horses. You put blinkers on them so they can see where they're meant to be going, but they don't get distracted. So they give you tunnel-vision, but at least you're focused on the right things, right?
I guess what I'm trying to say is, having a sense of direction is very important. And I think I'm somewhat lacking in this department, although this was probably evident from before I was born, when I didn't know you were meant to turn around in utero. (I mean, it's not like I had a compass in there, how was I meant to know which way was south?) Well, maybe not entirely lacking, I know where I'm going in the end, like at the very end, but in the mean time I'm just kinda hanging around, waiting for it to happen...
Really need to stop talking about myself so much. Post is getting long and rant-y. And never get around to talking about the things that really matter. Someone get me blinkers for my head, please...
Although staring at your own belly-button isn't exactly conducive to personal growth either.
Belly-buttons are a strange part of the anatomy. A lot of people often wonder whether Adam and Eve had belly-buttons, since they weren't born from mothers. I suppose they wouldn't have had them.
Other than that, everyone pretty much has a belly button. (Well, unless you're one of those people who used to be morbidly obese, and then lost lots of weight, but then you end up with lots of loose, wrinkly skin because it's been stretched for so long, so you go and get plastic surgery to get it all cut off, and in the process they cut off the belly button, so then they usually put in a fake one. But that's a different story.) Err...where was I? Oh yeah, everyone has a belly button. In a some ways, it's a symbol of your independence more than your own car, your own house, your own job will ever be. That moment when the doctor clamps off that blood supply from your mother, the lifeline that delivers oxygen and nutrients to your body...well, you're all on your own.
It's probably a good thing we don't consciously remember being born. I suppose it would be a rather traumatic experience (yes, I mean for the baby). I mean, you would probably be going, "What on earth is all this stuff?? Air? Light? ARGH!! Put me back in, put me back in!"
My parents once joked about how the first time my dad saw me after I had just been born, I was yawning, as if I was bored already. Which I suppose would have been an interesting first impression to make on your parents, these days it's usually kicking and screaming, since the parents would most likely be present at the actual birth. (Yes, it's rather funny now I think about it, how neither of my parents saw me being born, my mum was under full anaesthetic, and they didn't allow dads into the operating theatre back then. And my mum didn't get to see me until I was two days old. What a great way to start off their one shot a parenthood :P)
Back to belly-buttons...yes, it is rather clever of God to allow us to be able to scab from our mothers for nine months and then be separated with minimal fuss. Although of course these days, some people like to punch holes through it so they can decorate it and show it off. Maybe in the future belly-buttons will be a bit of an ethical statement, kind of like saying "I'm a REAL person, I wasn't grown in a petri dish!" But thankfully, I think that's still a long way off.
Now that I've dedicated a whole page to a reduntant part of our anatomy, I can't remember what I was originally meant to be writing about. Ah yes, looking at the bigger picture. And needing to stop being so self-focused. I suppose as always, balance is the best way to go about these things. A sense of self without being myopic and a sense of the bigger things without getting lost in the vastness of it all.
Sometimes I think they have the right idea with horses. You put blinkers on them so they can see where they're meant to be going, but they don't get distracted. So they give you tunnel-vision, but at least you're focused on the right things, right?
I guess what I'm trying to say is, having a sense of direction is very important. And I think I'm somewhat lacking in this department, although this was probably evident from before I was born, when I didn't know you were meant to turn around in utero. (I mean, it's not like I had a compass in there, how was I meant to know which way was south?) Well, maybe not entirely lacking, I know where I'm going in the end, like at the very end, but in the mean time I'm just kinda hanging around, waiting for it to happen...
Really need to stop talking about myself so much. Post is getting long and rant-y. And never get around to talking about the things that really matter. Someone get me blinkers for my head, please...
Monday, July 04, 2005
A post about what I have been up to (ie self-focused and boring)
Wow, I've been out so much over the weekend (well, for me it's a lot). It still feels rather strange, like I should be at home studying for something. What a relief to realise I have nothing due for the next three weeks.
So Friday consisted of my last exam, going out to the city and having Gloria Jeans coffee with uni friends, was originally meant to be meeting up with school friends but didn't, so went to Dymocks and bought lots of sheet music, because some of it was reduced to really cheap prices (best bargain was the music for The Whitlams' Love This City album, which had originally been $47.95 but was reduced to $2.00). Then in the evening the tertiary group went bowling for the last week of Glue for the term. (I'm getting better! I got 82 for my first game and 97 for my second! Without bumpers! :p)
Then on Saturday we went to the RICE leaders' preparation day, which probably deserves its own post...but what can I say? RICE is going to be AWESOME!!!!! While we spent some time getting prepared and planning the logistics of the two events, we were also reminded that ultimately the reason why we are doing this is so that the gospel will be preached to the youth of Sydney, and we are all working as one team. But what is it...like, 36 youth groups from various Asian churches around Sydney are involved this year...it's crazy! And the events will be held at Bicentennial Park and Town Hall!
Which reminds me, somehow I ended up putting my name down to be in the drama/skit thing that will be performed at the second event in Town Hall...it's just occurred to me that there's going to be over 1000 people watching that on the night. *Gulp* Maybe I should have just stuck with ushering >.< ...Oh well, too late now. At least it doesn't involve a lot more than marching in time and yelling things like "Sir, yes sir!" (we're a bunch of cadets). It's still a month away, I'll think about it later...hehehe. I think a more immediate problem is getting some rings and little bean-bags for the ring-toss and bean-bag toss games at the fete thing in the first week. Anyone happen to have any?
So after the RICE thing we went and hung out at Cerise's and ordered pizza and pasta for dinner. Can't remember doing a lot besides sitting around. Before this year I haven't hung out a lot with people from church, so I think now I'm starting to get more familiar with people and the whole *group dynamics* thing, kinda like the way you get familiar with people and the dynamics in a bible study group. And, I don't know...it's interesting. In a general overview sort of way, the people from church are quite different to the people I know from highschool (who are again very different to the people I know from uni). Which is probably stating the obvious, as this most likely has to do with numbers, age and the fact that half (more than half?) of them are guys. I could spend ages trying the analyse the dynamics within different groups of friends, but I won't. Moving on...
Sunday....that was yesterday. Yesterday was a pretty long day. Sunday school music in the early morning, then the first ever 11am English service at our Croydon Park branch church, then rushing back to Strathfield for a Sunday school meeting/free lunch :) And then met up with the others who were having lunch at Ashfield. And then we all went to hang out at Cerise's place. I don't know where the group of people from church would be if it wasn't for Cerise's place. Hmmm...where would we be without Cerise's? Lol....Burwood? The world just wouldn't be the same :P
Some people played tennis, checked out the gym, some people went swimming. Turned out to be slightly exciting as at one point we all got locked out of her apartment. So a few of us walked to Strathfield plaza and got drinks, and by the time we got back they had managed to get back in again. Later in the evening we watched this horror/comedy movie that was....well, gory and funny. But if I hadn't been watching it with a whole bunch of other people who were cracking up, I wouldn't have found it funny. Because I get scared easily and some of those scenes were just gross. What was it called...Shaun of the Dead or something.
Most people left after the movie, and I guess the night ended off on a sad note, as it was Esther's last night with us before she flew back to France *forever* today. Some people recounted the first time they met her, took some silly photos....awwww, it was sad. Can't believe she's been with us for nearly two years already :'(
Got to sleep in today for the first time since my exams ended, and bummed around at home. Holidays have officially started! And that means I can stress out about stuff that I couldn't stress out about when I was too busy stressing out over uni work. (You can tell I'm the type of person who thinks the glass is half-empty.)
(Actually, I beg to differ: the glass is half-full with emptiness.)
So Friday consisted of my last exam, going out to the city and having Gloria Jeans coffee with uni friends, was originally meant to be meeting up with school friends but didn't, so went to Dymocks and bought lots of sheet music, because some of it was reduced to really cheap prices (best bargain was the music for The Whitlams' Love This City album, which had originally been $47.95 but was reduced to $2.00). Then in the evening the tertiary group went bowling for the last week of Glue for the term. (I'm getting better! I got 82 for my first game and 97 for my second! Without bumpers! :p)
Then on Saturday we went to the RICE leaders' preparation day, which probably deserves its own post...but what can I say? RICE is going to be AWESOME!!!!! While we spent some time getting prepared and planning the logistics of the two events, we were also reminded that ultimately the reason why we are doing this is so that the gospel will be preached to the youth of Sydney, and we are all working as one team. But what is it...like, 36 youth groups from various Asian churches around Sydney are involved this year...it's crazy! And the events will be held at Bicentennial Park and Town Hall!
Which reminds me, somehow I ended up putting my name down to be in the drama/skit thing that will be performed at the second event in Town Hall...it's just occurred to me that there's going to be over 1000 people watching that on the night. *Gulp* Maybe I should have just stuck with ushering >.< ...Oh well, too late now. At least it doesn't involve a lot more than marching in time and yelling things like "Sir, yes sir!" (we're a bunch of cadets). It's still a month away, I'll think about it later...hehehe. I think a more immediate problem is getting some rings and little bean-bags for the ring-toss and bean-bag toss games at the fete thing in the first week. Anyone happen to have any?
So after the RICE thing we went and hung out at Cerise's and ordered pizza and pasta for dinner. Can't remember doing a lot besides sitting around. Before this year I haven't hung out a lot with people from church, so I think now I'm starting to get more familiar with people and the whole *group dynamics* thing, kinda like the way you get familiar with people and the dynamics in a bible study group. And, I don't know...it's interesting. In a general overview sort of way, the people from church are quite different to the people I know from highschool (who are again very different to the people I know from uni). Which is probably stating the obvious, as this most likely has to do with numbers, age and the fact that half (more than half?) of them are guys. I could spend ages trying the analyse the dynamics within different groups of friends, but I won't. Moving on...
Sunday....that was yesterday. Yesterday was a pretty long day. Sunday school music in the early morning, then the first ever 11am English service at our Croydon Park branch church, then rushing back to Strathfield for a Sunday school meeting/free lunch :) And then met up with the others who were having lunch at Ashfield. And then we all went to hang out at Cerise's place. I don't know where the group of people from church would be if it wasn't for Cerise's place. Hmmm...where would we be without Cerise's? Lol....Burwood? The world just wouldn't be the same :P
Some people played tennis, checked out the gym, some people went swimming. Turned out to be slightly exciting as at one point we all got locked out of her apartment. So a few of us walked to Strathfield plaza and got drinks, and by the time we got back they had managed to get back in again. Later in the evening we watched this horror/comedy movie that was....well, gory and funny. But if I hadn't been watching it with a whole bunch of other people who were cracking up, I wouldn't have found it funny. Because I get scared easily and some of those scenes were just gross. What was it called...Shaun of the Dead or something.
Most people left after the movie, and I guess the night ended off on a sad note, as it was Esther's last night with us before she flew back to France *forever* today. Some people recounted the first time they met her, took some silly photos....awwww, it was sad. Can't believe she's been with us for nearly two years already :'(
Got to sleep in today for the first time since my exams ended, and bummed around at home. Holidays have officially started! And that means I can stress out about stuff that I couldn't stress out about when I was too busy stressing out over uni work. (You can tell I'm the type of person who thinks the glass is half-empty.)
(Actually, I beg to differ: the glass is half-full with emptiness.)
Saturday, July 02, 2005
Nightminds (or me being tragic)
So I was listening to Missy Higgins' album The Sound of White on her website (check it out, the whole thing is there for free!) on Thursday night when I was studying for my last exam, because I was really really bored, and I started feeling all sad and emotional. Partly because her songs were, well, sad and emotive, partly because I was feeling rather sedated from studying formulations, which isn't exactly the most exciting subject in the world, and partly because it was the last exam the next day and I felt like I really couldn't be bothered anymore.
But yeah, so there I was, trying to study, but feeling all sad and emotional from listening to these songs, I almost felt like crying, but since I had already cried earlier that day I didn't. It's weird because I'm listening to the same stuff now, and it's not having the same effect. *shrugs*
Anyway, so 'The River' is probably the most depressing of the lot, even somewhat disturbing (I mean, not even at my worst would I think to write about something that morbid). The one that sounds best to play on piano would be 'They Weren't There', but the song that affected me most was 'Nightminds'. Not so much because I understood the song, but more that I felt the song understood me. If that makes any sense at all. I could've cried when I heard that song. But I didn't. Just cos I didn't feel like crying at that time.
I was going to post the lyrics up, but I can't be bothered since it's all on the website anyway. And I'm really tired right now, I feel like I've been out since yesterday afternoon. (Well, besides coming home to sleep, that is sort of true...)
More updates later.
Oh yeah, and since exams are over I have to go...
YYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But I don't really feel all that happy they were over yesterday. I still feel like I should be studying or stressing over something. Ah well, it will sink in eventually.
But yeah, so there I was, trying to study, but feeling all sad and emotional from listening to these songs, I almost felt like crying, but since I had already cried earlier that day I didn't. It's weird because I'm listening to the same stuff now, and it's not having the same effect. *shrugs*
Anyway, so 'The River' is probably the most depressing of the lot, even somewhat disturbing (I mean, not even at my worst would I think to write about something that morbid). The one that sounds best to play on piano would be 'They Weren't There', but the song that affected me most was 'Nightminds'. Not so much because I understood the song, but more that I felt the song understood me. If that makes any sense at all. I could've cried when I heard that song. But I didn't. Just cos I didn't feel like crying at that time.
I was going to post the lyrics up, but I can't be bothered since it's all on the website anyway. And I'm really tired right now, I feel like I've been out since yesterday afternoon. (Well, besides coming home to sleep, that is sort of true...)
More updates later.
Oh yeah, and since exams are over I have to go...
YYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But I don't really feel all that happy they were over yesterday. I still feel like I should be studying or stressing over something. Ah well, it will sink in eventually.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Which way is up?
Step inside the mind that finds you
Count the moments 'til your breakthrough
They pour down like rain
They float down the drain
What's come to pass is gone now
Are we playing the waiting game?
The more things change the more they stay the same
And now it's too late
Tied in with your fate
But you don't believe it somehow
This is not the way it ends
You're too afraid to look around the bend
Fight the way it feels
Is it too real?
You're standing here looking down
Climbing up the slope
Chain your mind to hope
Reach the start of each new day
End the darkness, light the way
So make the promise, take the vow
Can't really lose
Can't really choose
Anything else but heights are deep
Run the race before you can sleep
You're on show so take a bow
Hear the applause
They've opened the doors
No longer is the way unguided
No longer are we undecided
Count the moments 'til your breakthrough
They pour down like rain
They float down the drain
What's come to pass is gone now
Are we playing the waiting game?
The more things change the more they stay the same
And now it's too late
Tied in with your fate
But you don't believe it somehow
This is not the way it ends
You're too afraid to look around the bend
Fight the way it feels
Is it too real?
You're standing here looking down
Climbing up the slope
Chain your mind to hope
Reach the start of each new day
End the darkness, light the way
So make the promise, take the vow
Can't really lose
Can't really choose
Anything else but heights are deep
Run the race before you can sleep
You're on show so take a bow
Hear the applause
They've opened the doors
No longer is the way unguided
No longer are we undecided
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Pharmacy Practice 3A (exciting stuff, I promise)
Well that was the most logistically complicated exam I've ever sat for in my life! Got shunted into no less than five different rooms!
I was scheduled to be at Rm N352 at 9:25am, along with twenty-something other people. We went in, sat in rows according to our index numbers (not even just student IDs, it's so complex we get special numbers just for this exam!) and were instructed not to talk. Some people got confused and thought we were doing the exam in that room and started unpacking, but actually it was just a "holding room" of sorts, and at approximately 9:35am, no's 56-60 (I was number 60!) filed out in order and followed our course coordinator upstairs (absolutely no talking). We were then placed briefly into another holding room, and given instructions on what would happen in the *real* exam room:
We sit in order at the designated computers, get a few minutes to unpack our books and log in and make sure all the programs are working (yes, it's open book and open computer!), and then have exactly 60 minutes to do the exam. At approximately 55 minutes, we will be warned to start packing up and to log out, as we will be leaving for the oral component of the exam at exactly 60 minutes. (Yes, there's an oral component as well! It just keeps getting better!)
So the five of us sat in the holding room for a few minutes, before being directed into the computer lab, where there were already people part way through their exams. So I sat down, got all set up and stuff, and at 9:45am the five of us started our exam.
From what other people said afterwards, I don't think I did those two case studies too well, didn't pick up a lot of things. Was a bit slow at finding stuff on the databases and even slower in my books. The first case study was on an elderly lady with rheumatoid arthritis, taking methotrexate and meloxicam, and the second one was on a lady taking nitrofurantoin for cystitis (hehe, sound familiar Kazzart? I can't believe blog reading during stuvac sort of helped me in my exam :P)
That hour went too fast...was vaguely aware of the next group coming in five minutes after we started, but was mainly too busy freaking out that I couldn't find the right info anywhere. Anyway, with time up for the written exam, no's 56-60 filed out in order again (no talking) and followed the same guy back downstairs. It must have looked really funny because we were all trying to prepare for our orals while we were walking down the stairs and through the corridors; five students walking single file behind a lecturer while frantically reading their exam papers. I nearly fell over someone sitting on the stairs!
Into another holding room before the oral....but only for less than a minute, while waiting for the previous group to leave, before being ushered into the fifth and final room for the oral exam. Five tables with five smiling examiners. Heh. I got the tall, skinny one with short brown hair and thick rimmed glasses....reminded me slightly of Professor Trelawney (?) from Harry Potter. (Don't know why.)
3 minutes begins. Tape recorder starts. Say your name, your index number and which case you will be speaking on. Introduce case. Discuss your findings and recommendations. Conclude.
My examiner kept smiling and looking at me strangely while I was talking, and I got the impression she was thinking "This girl has no idea what she's on about..." (which actually doesn't matter, because the marking criteria for the oral is not on what you say, but on clarity of speech and whether you have an appropriate intro and conclusion, etc, etc....but still, she unnerved me slightly.) And to make things worse, when I finished (way before the 3 minutes was up), she said to me "You were a bit nervous, weren't you?"....and I was like "Er, yeah, I guess, a little," but in actual fact that's the most relaxed I've ever been in an oral exam, and to have someone say you sounded nervous when you weren't that nervous at all (well, taking into account that we are sitting an exam here)...hey, I must suck!
And with the *ding* of the timer, it was all over.
*****
Wasn't that riveting? I told you it was exciting stuff, didn't I? Unfortunately, my other five exams are the *go in, sit down and come out when finished* type, so they won't be half as entertaining as this recount.
:P
I was scheduled to be at Rm N352 at 9:25am, along with twenty-something other people. We went in, sat in rows according to our index numbers (not even just student IDs, it's so complex we get special numbers just for this exam!) and were instructed not to talk. Some people got confused and thought we were doing the exam in that room and started unpacking, but actually it was just a "holding room" of sorts, and at approximately 9:35am, no's 56-60 (I was number 60!) filed out in order and followed our course coordinator upstairs (absolutely no talking). We were then placed briefly into another holding room, and given instructions on what would happen in the *real* exam room:
We sit in order at the designated computers, get a few minutes to unpack our books and log in and make sure all the programs are working (yes, it's open book and open computer!), and then have exactly 60 minutes to do the exam. At approximately 55 minutes, we will be warned to start packing up and to log out, as we will be leaving for the oral component of the exam at exactly 60 minutes. (Yes, there's an oral component as well! It just keeps getting better!)
So the five of us sat in the holding room for a few minutes, before being directed into the computer lab, where there were already people part way through their exams. So I sat down, got all set up and stuff, and at 9:45am the five of us started our exam.
From what other people said afterwards, I don't think I did those two case studies too well, didn't pick up a lot of things. Was a bit slow at finding stuff on the databases and even slower in my books. The first case study was on an elderly lady with rheumatoid arthritis, taking methotrexate and meloxicam, and the second one was on a lady taking nitrofurantoin for cystitis (hehe, sound familiar Kazzart? I can't believe blog reading during stuvac sort of helped me in my exam :P)
That hour went too fast...was vaguely aware of the next group coming in five minutes after we started, but was mainly too busy freaking out that I couldn't find the right info anywhere. Anyway, with time up for the written exam, no's 56-60 filed out in order again (no talking) and followed the same guy back downstairs. It must have looked really funny because we were all trying to prepare for our orals while we were walking down the stairs and through the corridors; five students walking single file behind a lecturer while frantically reading their exam papers. I nearly fell over someone sitting on the stairs!
Into another holding room before the oral....but only for less than a minute, while waiting for the previous group to leave, before being ushered into the fifth and final room for the oral exam. Five tables with five smiling examiners. Heh. I got the tall, skinny one with short brown hair and thick rimmed glasses....reminded me slightly of Professor Trelawney (?) from Harry Potter. (Don't know why.)
3 minutes begins. Tape recorder starts. Say your name, your index number and which case you will be speaking on. Introduce case. Discuss your findings and recommendations. Conclude.
My examiner kept smiling and looking at me strangely while I was talking, and I got the impression she was thinking "This girl has no idea what she's on about..." (which actually doesn't matter, because the marking criteria for the oral is not on what you say, but on clarity of speech and whether you have an appropriate intro and conclusion, etc, etc....but still, she unnerved me slightly.) And to make things worse, when I finished (way before the 3 minutes was up), she said to me "You were a bit nervous, weren't you?"....and I was like "Er, yeah, I guess, a little," but in actual fact that's the most relaxed I've ever been in an oral exam, and to have someone say you sounded nervous when you weren't that nervous at all (well, taking into account that we are sitting an exam here)...hey, I must suck!
And with the *ding* of the timer, it was all over.
*****
Wasn't that riveting? I told you it was exciting stuff, didn't I? Unfortunately, my other five exams are the *go in, sit down and come out when finished* type, so they won't be half as entertaining as this recount.
:P
Monday, June 20, 2005
Finding Normal
You point your point of view at me
You shoot your mouth off 'til I bleed
Inside my head, it makes no sense at all
I don't get where you're coming from
Time travels like a ticking bomb
Can't run away because I've hit the wall
You are me
And together we are freaks
We're fish inside a sea of current
trends can't define friendships
sailed across the waves
hello and bye
the way will soon come to an end
we're fish inside a sea of current
trends can't define friendships
sailed across the waves
hello and bye
the way will soon come to an end,
we'll soon come to an end.
We'll drown and live under the sea
We'll watch it all from underneath
And lie down when we get tired of it all
Cos normal's just another trend
Normal follows all its friends
Wake up and you will finally hear the call
You are me
And together we are free
You are me
You are me
You are me
This is me
We're fish inside a sea
Trends can't define me
Ships sail away
I wave hello
And by the way
We're fish inside a sea
Trends can't define me
Ships sail away
I wave hello
And by the way...
We're fish inside a sea of current
trends can't define friendships
sailed across the waves
hello and bye
the way will soon come to an end
We'll soon come to an end
You shoot your mouth off 'til I bleed
Inside my head, it makes no sense at all
I don't get where you're coming from
Time travels like a ticking bomb
Can't run away because I've hit the wall
You are me
And together we are freaks
We're fish inside a sea of current
trends can't define friendships
sailed across the waves
hello and bye
the way will soon come to an end
we're fish inside a sea of current
trends can't define friendships
sailed across the waves
hello and bye
the way will soon come to an end,
we'll soon come to an end.
We'll drown and live under the sea
We'll watch it all from underneath
And lie down when we get tired of it all
Cos normal's just another trend
Normal follows all its friends
Wake up and you will finally hear the call
You are me
And together we are free
You are me
You are me
You are me
This is me
We're fish inside a sea
Trends can't define me
Ships sail away
I wave hello
And by the way
We're fish inside a sea
Trends can't define me
Ships sail away
I wave hello
And by the way...
We're fish inside a sea of current
trends can't define friendships
sailed across the waves
hello and bye
the way will soon come to an end
We'll soon come to an end
Saturday, June 18, 2005
"Whoever digs a pit may fall into it..." (Ecc 10:8)
I came home last night from youth group, and had a minor disagreement with my mum (like, it was over something really trivial). And then I felt it happening again. Only this time I was vaguely aware of the process as it was occurring: firstly, feeling a tightness around your chest, so that you can feel every heart beat and you have to put in more effort to breathe; and then having your head start to think things: Why don't you just kill yourself now? You are so worthless. Do something to hurt yourself.
And then some other part of my head was thinking, noooooo, not this again. Don't be stupid. It doesn't make sense to think like this.
I've noticed that quite frequently I come home on Friday nights and feel like crap. Don't get me wrong, I love going to youth group and I usually feel great when I'm there. But there's just something about all the social activity, all these people, smiling, laughing, talking...it's almost like a buzz or a high...and then coming home to a quiet house....everything just plummets. What goes up must come down...? Something to do with loneliness? Or maybe just tiredness after a long week.
Of course it doesn't just happen on Friday nights. The nights before assignments are due. The night before an exam. During this semester, the nights before I had to go into the pharmacy to do my weekly externship placement, and the nights before pharmacy practice tutorials. I always felt sick going into those.
It must be to do with feeling a lack of control. Knowing you're wrong. Feeling like you don't know enough to do something. Having no time to prepare for something. Having to be rushed.
(So why don't I organise my time better? Prepare earlier? Hehe, I don't know. I put off what I hate doing...but then one of the reasons why I hate it in the first place is because I always feel so stressed at the last minute.)
So just little things like that...that push my mind over the edge again.
Now that it's happened so much over the past few months, I have to start getting some logic out of it all. Work out when and why it happens. So that I can control my feelings and not let them control me.
It's difficult to think about it objectively though. I feel like such a freak sometimes, but I know there's got to be other people who go through something similar, and probably even worse than what I feel. A few weeks ago, the women's group at church had an afternoon where the speakers talked about Christianity and depression...heaps of people turned up. The talks were helpful and informative...but for me, it still feels like you're doing something wrong if you personally admit to it. I mean, I have a really blessed life, and because I don't get it all the time, I'm pretty sure the chemicals in my brain are fine....so maybe it's my fault, a character flaw I just have to fix up?
We've been studying Ecclesiastes in our bible study this term, and one of the questions last night really jumped out at me...well, actually it was two questions. The first one was 'Where would you plot yourself on a scale showing attitude to life under the sun?'...and there was this scale from 1 to 5, with 1 being 'despair of life', 3 being 'balanced', and 5 being 'live life to the full'. The next question was 'Is it possible to experience the attitudes at both ends of the scale simultaneously? Which do you think is better: to have a balanced approach to life, or one holding two extremes at the same time?'
And I smiled at the second question, because I remember writing something like "is it possible to feel certain hope and the deepest depths of despair simultaneously?" (or something to that effect) in a post I did ages ago. I think we came to the conclusion that yes, it is possible to have both attitudes simultaneously - but how does that work? How should you live, if you are reconciled with both despair of the meaninglessness, and joy of the goodness?
We also learnt that "wisdom is living in harmony with reality" (not directly from the Bible but from an assumedly wise, Bible-knowing guy). If that is the case, then I am one of the biggest fools in the world, because I have spent a lot of my life trying to escape reality. It must be very hard to be wise because reality is ugly. Well, a large part of it anyway.
Thinking about the first half of Ecclesiastes 10:8, "Whoever digs a pit may fall into it..." - perhaps that is what I have done in my life. I've just let the pit get deeper and darker because I thought there was nothing I could do about it. Running away from your problems only causes more problems. If you dig your own emotional black hole, how can you expect not to fall in?
So, I've kind of digressed from what I was originally writing about, and this post is now very long. I don't know if any of this is going to help me, but at least it's a start. Of a long and very slow journey. I'm already predicting what I'm going to be feeling like on Tuesday night, before my first exam (the dreaded pharmacy practice subject, complete with oral component). Oh well, at least now I'm consciously aware of what will happen before it overtakes me.
It feels strange to be posting this on the internet - the world wide web of both interconnectedness and personal distance. The last thing I want is for people to think I'm more abnormal than they already think I am. But I had to write about this sooner or later. In a less cryptic way than I have been doing already. I've been thinking about it for a while. I think I've realised that I don't want to push people away anymore. It doesn't help. I might keep to myself a lot, but just because I don't talk to you doesn't mean that I don't want you to talk to me :)
Oh, and acknowledgements go to the person who drew attention to Ecc. 10:8 and how *profound* it is :P
And then some other part of my head was thinking, noooooo, not this again. Don't be stupid. It doesn't make sense to think like this.
I've noticed that quite frequently I come home on Friday nights and feel like crap. Don't get me wrong, I love going to youth group and I usually feel great when I'm there. But there's just something about all the social activity, all these people, smiling, laughing, talking...it's almost like a buzz or a high...and then coming home to a quiet house....everything just plummets. What goes up must come down...? Something to do with loneliness? Or maybe just tiredness after a long week.
Of course it doesn't just happen on Friday nights. The nights before assignments are due. The night before an exam. During this semester, the nights before I had to go into the pharmacy to do my weekly externship placement, and the nights before pharmacy practice tutorials. I always felt sick going into those.
It must be to do with feeling a lack of control. Knowing you're wrong. Feeling like you don't know enough to do something. Having no time to prepare for something. Having to be rushed.
(So why don't I organise my time better? Prepare earlier? Hehe, I don't know. I put off what I hate doing...but then one of the reasons why I hate it in the first place is because I always feel so stressed at the last minute.)
So just little things like that...that push my mind over the edge again.
Now that it's happened so much over the past few months, I have to start getting some logic out of it all. Work out when and why it happens. So that I can control my feelings and not let them control me.
It's difficult to think about it objectively though. I feel like such a freak sometimes, but I know there's got to be other people who go through something similar, and probably even worse than what I feel. A few weeks ago, the women's group at church had an afternoon where the speakers talked about Christianity and depression...heaps of people turned up. The talks were helpful and informative...but for me, it still feels like you're doing something wrong if you personally admit to it. I mean, I have a really blessed life, and because I don't get it all the time, I'm pretty sure the chemicals in my brain are fine....so maybe it's my fault, a character flaw I just have to fix up?
We've been studying Ecclesiastes in our bible study this term, and one of the questions last night really jumped out at me...well, actually it was two questions. The first one was 'Where would you plot yourself on a scale showing attitude to life under the sun?'...and there was this scale from 1 to 5, with 1 being 'despair of life', 3 being 'balanced', and 5 being 'live life to the full'. The next question was 'Is it possible to experience the attitudes at both ends of the scale simultaneously? Which do you think is better: to have a balanced approach to life, or one holding two extremes at the same time?'
And I smiled at the second question, because I remember writing something like "is it possible to feel certain hope and the deepest depths of despair simultaneously?" (or something to that effect) in a post I did ages ago. I think we came to the conclusion that yes, it is possible to have both attitudes simultaneously - but how does that work? How should you live, if you are reconciled with both despair of the meaninglessness, and joy of the goodness?
We also learnt that "wisdom is living in harmony with reality" (not directly from the Bible but from an assumedly wise, Bible-knowing guy). If that is the case, then I am one of the biggest fools in the world, because I have spent a lot of my life trying to escape reality. It must be very hard to be wise because reality is ugly. Well, a large part of it anyway.
Thinking about the first half of Ecclesiastes 10:8, "Whoever digs a pit may fall into it..." - perhaps that is what I have done in my life. I've just let the pit get deeper and darker because I thought there was nothing I could do about it. Running away from your problems only causes more problems. If you dig your own emotional black hole, how can you expect not to fall in?
So, I've kind of digressed from what I was originally writing about, and this post is now very long. I don't know if any of this is going to help me, but at least it's a start. Of a long and very slow journey. I'm already predicting what I'm going to be feeling like on Tuesday night, before my first exam (the dreaded pharmacy practice subject, complete with oral component). Oh well, at least now I'm consciously aware of what will happen before it overtakes me.
It feels strange to be posting this on the internet - the world wide web of both interconnectedness and personal distance. The last thing I want is for people to think I'm more abnormal than they already think I am. But I had to write about this sooner or later. In a less cryptic way than I have been doing already. I've been thinking about it for a while. I think I've realised that I don't want to push people away anymore. It doesn't help. I might keep to myself a lot, but just because I don't talk to you doesn't mean that I don't want you to talk to me :)
Oh, and acknowledgements go to the person who drew attention to Ecc. 10:8 and how *profound* it is :P
Thursday, June 16, 2005
And that's the way I like it
So I was sitting in someone's car on Monday night and Ben Lee's song, "Catch My Disease", came on to the radio. He must have written those lyrics in about 5 minutes. But I have to admit, it was pretty, erm, catchy (no pun intended). Random, repetitive, minimally poetic, and rather meaningless...but very catchy. What songwriting genius.
Catch My Disease - Ben Lee
my head is a box filled with nothing
and that's the way i like it
my garden's a secret compartment
and that's the way i like it
and that's the way i like it
your body's a dream that turns violent
and that's the way i like it
and that's the way i like it
the winter is long in the city
and that's the way i like it
so please
baby please
open your heart
and catch my disease
i was backstage in pomona
and that's the way i like it
she drank beer with coca-cola
and that's the way i like it
and that's the way i like it
she told me about the winds from santa ana
and that's the way i like it
and that's the way i like it
she told me she'd love me like fireworks
and that's the way i like it
so please
baby please
open your eyes
and catch my disease
so please
baby please
cmon
and catch my disease
they play good charlotte on the radio
and that's the way i like it
they play sleepy jackson on the radio
and that's the way i like it
and that's the way i like it
i hear beyonce on the radio
and that's the way i like it
and that's the way i like it
they don't play me on the radio
but that's the way i like it
so please
baby please
open your heart
and catch my disease
so please
baby please
cmon
and catch my disease
Did I mention it was repetitive?
And he also has a blog like everyone else. But I think this bio is more interesting.
Towards the end of the car ride, they also played Green Day on the radio, and I liked it :P
But we arrived at our destination before the end of the song, so didn't get to hear the whole thing.
Wake me up when September ends...
Catch My Disease - Ben Lee
my head is a box filled with nothing
and that's the way i like it
my garden's a secret compartment
and that's the way i like it
and that's the way i like it
your body's a dream that turns violent
and that's the way i like it
and that's the way i like it
the winter is long in the city
and that's the way i like it
so please
baby please
open your heart
and catch my disease
i was backstage in pomona
and that's the way i like it
she drank beer with coca-cola
and that's the way i like it
and that's the way i like it
she told me about the winds from santa ana
and that's the way i like it
and that's the way i like it
she told me she'd love me like fireworks
and that's the way i like it
so please
baby please
open your eyes
and catch my disease
so please
baby please
cmon
and catch my disease
they play good charlotte on the radio
and that's the way i like it
they play sleepy jackson on the radio
and that's the way i like it
and that's the way i like it
i hear beyonce on the radio
and that's the way i like it
and that's the way i like it
they don't play me on the radio
but that's the way i like it
so please
baby please
open your heart
and catch my disease
so please
baby please
cmon
and catch my disease
Did I mention it was repetitive?
And he also has a blog like everyone else. But I think this bio is more interesting.
Towards the end of the car ride, they also played Green Day on the radio, and I liked it :P
But we arrived at our destination before the end of the song, so didn't get to hear the whole thing.
Wake me up when September ends...
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