Sleepless nights

You hate this feeling.

When you feel like crap, but there's nothing in your eyes to cry. When you want to make yourself bleed to release the pain that's inside you. When you want to scream, but you're too weak to pull anything together.

Who are you? What are you doing here?

What if your whole life was just a lie? Everyday pretending to be something you're not. You don't really know which is the real you.

You feel alright most days, though sometimes you get depressed. But that's normal, isn't it? Everyone has good days and bad days.

Then the bad days get more and more frequent, until you're not sure what's normal anymore. Just clinging on day by day, waiting for one where you can breathe and be happy. And then you go back under.

Asking for help is too hard. You'd rather just suffer. The pain is exhilarating in a way - you can just lie there and let it consume you, and you don't have to do anything else, because you can't do anything else.

A feeling of dread overwhelms you. Like a weight sitting on your chest, it suffocates. How long before it will pass? Minutes turn into hours. Trains of thought end and another begins.

Slowly you drift off into a restless sleep. The blackness of the night grows lighter as the first rays of the sun seep their way into your room.

Just another normal day. How will you stuff this one up?

It's OK. No one's looking. No one cares.