Sweet and sour tiredness

Like some sort of badly cooked Asian dish,
The thoughts in my head are stirred
And my logic fried
As I turn up the heat of self- judgement.

My stomach feels uneasy
As I swallow a taste of my own medicine;
I never had the best culinary skills.

I always thought I never added enough faith
Into the existential mix,
But on Sunday the minister said that faith wasn't something
That could be measured anyway,
Like it was an ingredient you could buy off the supermarket shelf.

No...
"Strong faith is dependent on the strength of the one beng trusted,
Not the strength of the one doing the trusting."
So you need to know and understand the one you are trusting.

How much do I know and understand?
There's no point reading a cookbook if you aren't going to do any cooking.

Oh enough of this cryptic metaphor.
Sometimes I think reading the Bible to find out more about who God is
Is like trying to get to know a cook by reading their recipes.
Bloody hard.

As is knowing what to do with the recipe.
You can follow everything to the letter,
And the results are nothing like what you imagined they should have been.

I'd much rather it was one of those origami books,
The ones that tell you what to do step-by-step,
And have pictures or diagrams that show you exactly what it's meant to look like,
At each step.

Or even some sheet music:
Sure, it's hard to read at first,
But you go through it slowly,
Making sure you're learning everything correctly
(because mistakes are hard to correct once you've learnt them);
Practising one bit,
And another bit,
Before putting it all together...
And once you're comfortable with it,
And playing the "right" thing has become second nature,
You make it your own...
You're still playing what's on the paper,
But at certain times you emphasise some bits,
And don't emphasise other bits...

Actually, that's a pretty good analogy.
Hmm...

But how do you know?
How do you know you know?
How do you know what you don't know?
You know?

When it doesn't work out the way it's supposed to
You're left hungry
When you were meant to be enjoying the fruits of your labour...
And you have a whole lot of cleaning up to do.

Sometimes it's easier to read the cookbook,
And not do any cooking.

2-minute post

Arrrrgghhhhhh!!! My course is going to turn me into a pharmacist! I don't want to be a pharmacist!

Sometimes I feel like a 15 year old school girl. Actually, that's not that far off from reality. Sometimes I wish I was still a 15 year old school girl.

[Edit]
But you know, since when was it about what I wanted? You could spend your whole life going "I want this, I want that" and never get it. Sometimes life just isn't about what you want.

[Edit 2]
There is never enough time or motivation to do everything.

Seashell

Crawling
Your mind's too tired to talk
Your feet too tired to walk
Don't lie

Calling
You once were lost and drowned
But now you have been found
You're high

You like to laugh
You are alive and breathing
You like to cry
You are alive and bleeding
You take the waves as they come
You're just waiting for the next one

If I hold you near
Will you tell me what you hear?
The untamed ocean's roar
The call of distant shores
Sound of life rushing through veins
Under the light you're now unstained
The waves that echo from the sea
Are they in you or are they in me?

Morning
Horizon makes no sound
As sunlight comes around
You fly

Falling
Your feet don't touch the ground
You run to reach the crown
You try

I like to laugh
I am alive and breathing
I like to cry
I am alive and bleeding
Take the waves as they come
Just waiting for the next one

If I hold you near
Will you tell me what you hear?
The untamed ocean's roar
The call of distant shores
Sound of life rushing through veins
Under the light you're now unstained
The waves that echo from the sea
Are they in you?
Or do I hear what's in me?

Help me be patient and be patient with me

It is not for the created to question the Creator why they were made
But sometimes the mind is prone to ponder -
"Why me, Lord?
Why not some other worthy creation
Who would not have failed the way that I have?"

Who can know the paths that You have planned for me,
The decisions as yet undecided,
The calls that wait patiently, watching time pass
Until that moment when a response shall be formed quietly in heart, in reflection -
"I will follow."

Who can know? Not even I.
Shall I trust that although I know not
The "why" of me,
The "me" is sufficient for the "why"?
(Whatever that may be)

Unfailing God...

....is finally here!...starting with a debate at 1pm on Monday in The Great Hall/MacLaurin Hall. The topic is 'Has God failed us?' (a debate on the existence and relevance of God) and will be between Glenn Davies, the bishop of North Sydney, and Ian Ellis-Jones, a senior lecturer at the University of Technology.

And check out the website! It's really cool, I kept clicking on the title to make it flash, hehehehe...so infantile. Oh, and it has a discussion forum that opens on Monday.