Why is it that the less time I have and the more stressed I feel about having no time, the more I blog? But anyway, my dispensing prework is really boring, I'll just type up a stream of consciousness post and hopefully it won't take too long...
Life really sucks at the moment. Sort of. I don't know. I can start off a day feeling like everything will be alright, and by late afternoon, life will be really sucky (like last Friday). Or it can start off feeling really sucky, and by the end of the day things seem a little less hopeless (like today).
I don't get it. Am I the only one who spends disproportionate amounts of time contemplating the meaning of Life, The Universe and Everything (as opposed to doing things of immediate usefulness, such as assignments, vacuuming, and getting sleep)? I think of those of my fellow pharmaceutics honours students who have practically finished their literature review (of which I have barely started and will subsequently be very dead in Week 13) and I feel like asking them: how can you be so organised and focused on the task when there are so many big questions to ponder over? I mean, they're not Christian or of any other religion, why aren't they spending time wondering where they are going to go when they die and what the meaning of life is; whereas I'm a Christian and I'm wasting all my time trying to figure out what I'm supposedly already meant to know?? What is wrong with them? What is wrong with me?
Is it valid to be stressed and worried about your short term future in the context of already knowing your eternal purpose and destination? Because I'm worrying about my immediate future a lot at the moment, in particular the next five weeks leading up to Week13, and in terms of what next year holds for me (if I'm still alive then). What if I can't get a job? Will these past 4 years of self-inflicted suffering have been for nothing? I don't even want this career! And don't ask me what else I would want to do because I don't know!
Am I wrong in worrying whether or not I'll be unhappy for the rest of my life? Are Christians theoretically not supposed to be worried? Is the certainty of what comes after death somehow meant to ease the frustration of the uncertainty of this life?
To what extent are we in control of what happens to us? (oh no, not this topic)
What is real life? Is it an existence involving a relationship with God, the one who made you and gave you life a purpose? Why is God hidden to so many people? Why does God allow Himself to be hidden and overlooked? Why is it easier to believe what we can see? Why do so many people only accept what's right in front of them? Are ordinary things really ordinary? Isn't it amazing that anything exists at all?
Are we meant to be content? Does it matter if we never reach contentment in this life? Any disappointments or joys in this life will be nothing compared to the joy we'll experience in eternity.
What do people really desire? Could you sum it up in a few words? In terms of existence, we want purpose and security. In terms of relationships, we want to be understood and accepted. Purpose, security, understood, accepted...aren't all these things found in God?
But I don't get it! I don't like not being able to understand it all; why what I feel doesn't correlate with what I know, why it changes from hour to hour...and you know what? I'm really sick of thinking. Thinking too much and not doing enough; why God made me like this, I would like to know. I don't want to be old and finally understand everything and then realise I've wasted all my able-bodied, medication-free (and side effect-free) days not doing all the things that could have been done. Although the drugs would probably add a few years to my life.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Oh man I've got a headache from reading that post... no not really, just came back from church doing 1 Cor 3. Yea, leads to tha biggies ie. predesti-'I'm getting a migrane'-nation, and levels in heaven, and gaaaaahhhhhh!!
Of course it's valid to be worried about the future, no matter the distance. Just because we're christians doesn't mean we can't worry about life. Our lives are in God's hands and at His whim. Whether He wants to smite us down and yes predestination, uggghhhh headache...
You know, I propose we get together some time with our Bibles and talk about the questions brought up.
But no matter what comes up, remember that there are plenty of things that God has not revealed to us and will not reveal til we get to heaven. Not to sound like the easy way out but there are things we don't have the capacity to know or handle, we are not God.
True, which of course doesn't mean that it's not valid to think about them. People have always wondered about purpose, meaning, existence, and all the big questions. I watched a comedy that dealt with that the other night (not a particularly christian one).
As to contentment, I guess I could summarise in the words of Merlin in the Prince Valiant comics: "only the turtle sunning himself on a log knows contentment". Which is to say people are never content. At least not for long. Like the wise words of that Avenue Q song, which says that happiness is only for now. Wise in a mortal framework, not inasmuch as happiness is also for eternity. I don't think that a career choice is going to be the only determining factor in your happiness for the rest of your life. And I don't think that finishing a Pharmacy degree means that you have to spend your life as a pharmacist. If you are having trouble with these questions, and questions of the future, maybe you should look into taking some time off, perhaps next year? You have had non-stop, and fairly intense at times, education for most of your life, and rather than feel rushed maybe a year to reflect would be good? Alternately, maybe if you started work you could find out what you really thought of it, and if that changed your perspective on life. I don't know. Obviously, the point of most of your questions is that they are extremely hard, probably impossible, to answer. hmmm... If you want more advice/to talk to someone, you could give me a call sometime. Or any one of us I'm betting. But then, maybe you are already. I find myself intrigued by the questions... Pun has a good idea as to getting together with a bible some time and looking at these questions. In the meantime...
*virtual hug*
hi viV..
ur blogs are so meaningful ..
while my one goes on about nothing ... ><" !!
ahhah...they're not THAT meaningful, it's just my personal style of "going on about nothing"...and since when did you start a xanga blog? All you xanga people should switch to Blogger! Blogger is better! (end of product placement)
And all your comments are so meaningful, my comments just go on about nothing! =P
Abujafanana. Na na.
Post a Comment