On AnCon and other things

OK, so I will try to stay positive for at least the first half of this post...

AnCon *sigh*...where to begin? Words will never do justice to the richness of the experience. Do I sound like I'm dreaming? I wish the memory would not fade so fast...clear blue skies and spectacular views; people, lots of people, old friends, new friends; music and singing...Holy, holy, holy rocked (quite literally), Ancient of Days was jazzy and Behold the Lamb of God went slightly techno, along with a few others...My personal favourite was when we sung Amazing Grace at the end of one of the main evening sessions, followed closely by You are my King at the last session. I know singing is not just about the experience, but being there with 370(?) other people all getting into the music, was like, wow.

What else...an informative seminar on what worship is (and what it is not); challenging and inspiring morning sessions with talks by Ian Powell on Heroes of the Church; room group bible studies conducted while huddled under blankets because it was cold; time out to pray facing the ocean, or swinging on swings, under that fantastic blue sky we had everyday all week (praise the Lord!); staying up 'til 3am chatting; endless cups of tea in styrofoam cups....and of course, the main sessions with talks by Andrew Katay on The Church.

Jesus IS the church - the essence of church is the presence of Jesus, by his word and through his Spirit. Saved by grace, so church by grace. What the church is for - to know, love and serve the Lord Jesus Christ, his church and the world, in the power of the Holy Spirit, to the glory of God the Father. The church's life is it's mission (and vice versa).

So what does it all mean? Haha, well between my sleep-deprived head and my scrawled notes, it does make some sort of sense to me. And in terms of concrete action...well, I will be praying that if is God's will for my life to be part of the *apostolic associated ministry*, He will make it clear...it's a small start.

So I've probably lost everyone who wasn't at AnCon by now...but what can I say? I loved it. One of the best weeks I've had all year, if not THE best.

And now it's back to uni tomorrow. It's hard to shine like the stars in a place that weighs you down so much. But that's what we're called to do. And we have so much to be thankful for.

One day at a time. The darkness of night brings with it the promise of sleep, that temporary sweet relief from your own mind, and the thoughts that swirl inside.

the next day, the next day -
it was only a matter of balance.

AnCon 2005

I’m forgiven, because You were forsaken

I’m accepted, You were condemned

I’m alive and well, Your Spirit is within me

Because You died and rose again

Amazing love, how can it be
That You, my King, should die for me?
Amazing love, I know it’s true
And it’s my joy to honour You
In all I do, to honour You

You are my king
You are my king
Jesus, You are my king
You are my king

Amazing love, how can it be
That You, my king, should die for me?
Amazing love, I know it's true
And it's my joy to honour You
In all I do, to honour You

Tunnels and blinkers

I'm tired of looking at the bigger picture. My peripheral vision is getting strained.

Although staring at your own belly-button isn't exactly conducive to personal growth either.

Belly-buttons are a strange part of the anatomy. A lot of people often wonder whether Adam and Eve had belly-buttons, since they weren't born from mothers. I suppose they wouldn't have had them.

Other than that, everyone pretty much has a belly button. (Well, unless you're one of those people who used to be morbidly obese, and then lost lots of weight, but then you end up with lots of loose, wrinkly skin because it's been stretched for so long, so you go and get plastic surgery to get it all cut off, and in the process they cut off the belly button, so then they usually put in a fake one. But that's a different story.) Err...where was I? Oh yeah, everyone has a belly button. In a some ways, it's a symbol of your independence more than your own car, your own house, your own job will ever be. That moment when the doctor clamps off that blood supply from your mother, the lifeline that delivers oxygen and nutrients to your body...well, you're all on your own.

It's probably a good thing we don't consciously remember being born. I suppose it would be a rather traumatic experience (yes, I mean for the baby). I mean, you would probably be going, "What on earth is all this stuff?? Air? Light? ARGH!! Put me back in, put me back in!"

My parents once joked about how the first time my dad saw me after I had just been born, I was yawning, as if I was bored already. Which I suppose would have been an interesting first impression to make on your parents, these days it's usually kicking and screaming, since the parents would most likely be present at the actual birth. (Yes, it's rather funny now I think about it, how neither of my parents saw me being born, my mum was under full anaesthetic, and they didn't allow dads into the operating theatre back then. And my mum didn't get to see me until I was two days old. What a great way to start off their one shot a parenthood :P)

Back to belly-buttons...yes, it is rather clever of God to allow us to be able to scab from our mothers for nine months and then be separated with minimal fuss. Although of course these days, some people like to punch holes through it so they can decorate it and show it off. Maybe in the future belly-buttons will be a bit of an ethical statement, kind of like saying "I'm a REAL person, I wasn't grown in a petri dish!" But thankfully, I think that's still a long way off.

Now that I've dedicated a whole page to a reduntant part of our anatomy, I can't remember what I was originally meant to be writing about. Ah yes, looking at the bigger picture. And needing to stop being so self-focused. I suppose as always, balance is the best way to go about these things. A sense of self without being myopic and a sense of the bigger things without getting lost in the vastness of it all.

Sometimes I think they have the right idea with horses. You put blinkers on them so they can see where they're meant to be going, but they don't get distracted. So they give you tunnel-vision, but at least you're focused on the right things, right?

I guess what I'm trying to say is, having a sense of direction is very important. And I think I'm somewhat lacking in this department, although this was probably evident from before I was born, when I didn't know you were meant to turn around in utero. (I mean, it's not like I had a compass in there, how was I meant to know which way was south?) Well, maybe not entirely lacking, I know where I'm going in the end, like at the very end, but in the mean time I'm just kinda hanging around, waiting for it to happen...

Really need to stop talking about myself so much. Post is getting long and rant-y. And never get around to talking about the things that really matter. Someone get me blinkers for my head, please...

A post about what I have been up to (ie self-focused and boring)

Wow, I've been out so much over the weekend (well, for me it's a lot). It still feels rather strange, like I should be at home studying for something. What a relief to realise I have nothing due for the next three weeks.

So Friday consisted of my last exam, going out to the city and having Gloria Jeans coffee with uni friends, was originally meant to be meeting up with school friends but didn't, so went to Dymocks and bought lots of sheet music, because some of it was reduced to really cheap prices (best bargain was the music for The Whitlams' Love This City album, which had originally been $47.95 but was reduced to $2.00). Then in the evening the tertiary group went bowling for the last week of Glue for the term. (I'm getting better! I got 82 for my first game and 97 for my second! Without bumpers! :p)

Then on Saturday we went to the RICE leaders' preparation day, which probably deserves its own post...but what can I say? RICE is going to be AWESOME!!!!! While we spent some time getting prepared and planning the logistics of the two events, we were also reminded that ultimately the reason why we are doing this is so that the gospel will be preached to the youth of Sydney, and we are all working as one team. But what is it...like, 36 youth groups from various Asian churches around Sydney are involved this year...it's crazy! And the events will be held at Bicentennial Park and Town Hall!

Which reminds me, somehow I ended up putting my name down to be in the drama/skit thing that will be performed at the second event in Town Hall...it's just occurred to me that there's going to be over 1000 people watching that on the night. *Gulp* Maybe I should have just stuck with ushering >.< ...Oh well, too late now. At least it doesn't involve a lot more than marching in time and yelling things like "Sir, yes sir!" (we're a bunch of cadets). It's still a month away, I'll think about it later...hehehe. I think a more immediate problem is getting some rings and little bean-bags for the ring-toss and bean-bag toss games at the fete thing in the first week. Anyone happen to have any?

So after the RICE thing we went and hung out at Cerise's and ordered pizza and pasta for dinner. Can't remember doing a lot besides sitting around. Before this year I haven't hung out a lot with people from church, so I think now I'm starting to get more familiar with people and the whole *group dynamics* thing, kinda like the way you get familiar with people and the dynamics in a bible study group. And, I don't know...it's interesting. In a general overview sort of way, the people from church are quite different to the people I know from highschool (who are again very different to the people I know from uni). Which is probably stating the obvious, as this most likely has to do with numbers, age and the fact that half (more than half?) of them are guys. I could spend ages trying the analyse the dynamics within different groups of friends, but I won't. Moving on...

Sunday....that was yesterday. Yesterday was a pretty long day. Sunday school music in the early morning, then the first ever 11am English service at our Croydon Park branch church, then rushing back to Strathfield for a Sunday school meeting/free lunch :) And then met up with the others who were having lunch at Ashfield. And then we all went to hang out at Cerise's place. I don't know where the group of people from church would be if it wasn't for Cerise's place. Hmmm...where would we be without Cerise's? Lol....Burwood? The world just wouldn't be the same :P

Some people played tennis, checked out the gym, some people went swimming. Turned out to be slightly exciting as at one point we all got locked out of her apartment. So a few of us walked to Strathfield plaza and got drinks, and by the time we got back they had managed to get back in again. Later in the evening we watched this horror/comedy movie that was....well, gory and funny. But if I hadn't been watching it with a whole bunch of other people who were cracking up, I wouldn't have found it funny. Because I get scared easily and some of those scenes were just gross. What was it called...Shaun of the Dead or something.

Most people left after the movie, and I guess the night ended off on a sad note, as it was Esther's last night with us before she flew back to France *forever* today. Some people recounted the first time they met her, took some silly photos....awwww, it was sad. Can't believe she's been with us for nearly two years already :'(

Got to sleep in today for the first time since my exams ended, and bummed around at home. Holidays have officially started! And that means I can stress out about stuff that I couldn't stress out about when I was too busy stressing out over uni work. (You can tell I'm the type of person who thinks the glass is half-empty.)

(Actually, I beg to differ: the glass is half-full with emptiness.)

Nightminds (or me being tragic)

So I was listening to Missy Higgins' album The Sound of White on her website (check it out, the whole thing is there for free!) on Thursday night when I was studying for my last exam, because I was really really bored, and I started feeling all sad and emotional. Partly because her songs were, well, sad and emotive, partly because I was feeling rather sedated from studying formulations, which isn't exactly the most exciting subject in the world, and partly because it was the last exam the next day and I felt like I really couldn't be bothered anymore.

But yeah, so there I was, trying to study, but feeling all sad and emotional from listening to these songs, I almost felt like crying, but since I had already cried earlier that day I didn't. It's weird because I'm listening to the same stuff now, and it's not having the same effect. *shrugs*

Anyway, so 'The River' is probably the most depressing of the lot, even somewhat disturbing (I mean, not even at my worst would I think to write about something that morbid). The one that sounds best to play on piano would be 'They Weren't There', but the song that affected me most was 'Nightminds'. Not so much because I understood the song, but more that I felt the song understood me. If that makes any sense at all. I could've cried when I heard that song. But I didn't. Just cos I didn't feel like crying at that time.

I was going to post the lyrics up, but I can't be bothered since it's all on the website anyway. And I'm really tired right now, I feel like I've been out since yesterday afternoon. (Well, besides coming home to sleep, that is sort of true...)

More updates later.

Oh yeah, and since exams are over I have to go...

YYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But I don't really feel all that happy they were over yesterday. I still feel like I should be studying or stressing over something. Ah well, it will sink in eventually.