A post about dinner. Not really.

Statement: I don't usually talk much at meal times.

Reasons:
1) Because I eat slow enough as it is,
2) I'm too tired and hungry to make conversation,
3) I don't usually talk much anyway, regardless of whether it's a meal time or not.

So I was sitting at the dinner table tonight, and before long my parents started talking about some church issue, which is not an entirely unusual occurence during dinner at my place. In fact, it happens so often that I consider "dinner time" to be synonymous with "parents talking about church things".

Usually I turn my attention to satisfying my stomach, while my brain gradually zones out. This was happening tonight; my mouth was chewing and my brain was nearly out of it, when it picked up something interesting and thought, "Hang on, this is sounding controversial", so then it activates my mouth, which says "What's going on?" (It had stopped chewing at this point.) And my dad says "It's better if you don't know", and my brain is like "But you've been saying it all right in front of me anyway", and my stomach is like, "I want more food".

But my parents keep talking about it really loudly anyway, and so I eventually work out what the issue is vaguely, and I'm like, that's really dumb.

Grrrr at church *issues*.

OK, forget about having BGR talks, DaVinci Code seminars, WEWIN arvos, music workshops, youth houseparties, missions nights, dialogue dinners and evangelistic events (ok, maybe not the last few), what we really need is a "How to solve conflicts within the church in a Godly way" session, or a practical study on "How to rebuke lovingly".

I mean seriously! How much grief could be avoided if we just practised good communication skills! As an extremely incompetent pharmacy student, I know that's a lot more easier said than done, knowing the right thing to say comes with experience...but ok, can we just get some basics right...

For instance, there are times to use email, and there are times not to use email. Now email is a wonderful invention, it makes organising large groups of people so much more convenient...but there are some matters which should not be communicated using this form of technology. Or other similar forms (you know what they are).

OK whatever. That's all I would like to fume about. Shoot me down if you would like. But please consider carefully what mode of communication you are going to use before doing so.

Thank you for your attention.

(By the way, this post is not directed specifically at anyone I know.)

This is a bad time to blog/So much for epiphanies

Why is it that the less time I have and the more stressed I feel about having no time, the more I blog? But anyway, my dispensing prework is really boring, I'll just type up a stream of consciousness post and hopefully it won't take too long...

Life really sucks at the moment. Sort of. I don't know. I can start off a day feeling like everything will be alright, and by late afternoon, life will be really sucky (like last Friday). Or it can start off feeling really sucky, and by the end of the day things seem a little less hopeless (like today).

I don't get it. Am I the only one who spends disproportionate amounts of time contemplating the meaning of Life, The Universe and Everything (as opposed to doing things of immediate usefulness, such as assignments, vacuuming, and getting sleep)? I think of those of my fellow pharmaceutics honours students who have practically finished their literature review (of which I have barely started and will subsequently be very dead in Week 13) and I feel like asking them: how can you be so organised and focused on the task when there are so many big questions to ponder over? I mean, they're not Christian or of any other religion, why aren't they spending time wondering where they are going to go when they die and what the meaning of life is; whereas I'm a Christian and I'm wasting all my time trying to figure out what I'm supposedly already meant to know?? What is wrong with them? What is wrong with me?

Is it valid to be stressed and worried about your short term future in the context of already knowing your eternal purpose and destination? Because I'm worrying about my immediate future a lot at the moment, in particular the next five weeks leading up to Week13, and in terms of what next year holds for me (if I'm still alive then). What if I can't get a job? Will these past 4 years of self-inflicted suffering have been for nothing? I don't even want this career! And don't ask me what else I would want to do because I don't know!

Am I wrong in worrying whether or not I'll be unhappy for the rest of my life? Are Christians theoretically not supposed to be worried? Is the certainty of what comes after death somehow meant to ease the frustration of the uncertainty of this life?

To what extent are we in control of what happens to us? (oh no, not this topic)

What is real life? Is it an existence involving a relationship with God, the one who made you and gave you life a purpose? Why is God hidden to so many people? Why does God allow Himself to be hidden and overlooked? Why is it easier to believe what we can see? Why do so many people only accept what's right in front of them? Are ordinary things really ordinary? Isn't it amazing that anything exists at all?

Are we meant to be content? Does it matter if we never reach contentment in this life? Any disappointments or joys in this life will be nothing compared to the joy we'll experience in eternity.

What do people really desire? Could you sum it up in a few words? In terms of existence, we want purpose and security. In terms of relationships, we want to be understood and accepted. Purpose, security, understood, accepted...aren't all these things found in God?

But I don't get it! I don't like not being able to understand it all; why what I feel doesn't correlate with what I know, why it changes from hour to hour...and you know what? I'm really sick of thinking. Thinking too much and not doing enough; why God made me like this, I would like to know. I don't want to be old and finally understand everything and then realise I've wasted all my able-bodied, medication-free (and side effect-free) days not doing all the things that could have been done. Although the drugs would probably add a few years to my life.

Last chance at teen rebellion

I would like to announce that I will be officially postponing my birthday. Not any birthday celebrations which I may or may not decide to have, but my actual birthday. I demand that I remain 19 until further notice. I don't care if it's not allowed.

A day of the unexpected

So I was walking from Eastern Ave to Bosch for my next lecture which was still about 45 min away this afternoon, strolling along down Physics Road; I look to my right at what's happening down on the rectangular field of grass known as The Square, and what should I see but a bunch of people in dark blue uniforms playing a game of soccer - hey, those uniforms look really familiar...it was Nerds FC! Or half of them anyway, there were about seven people in blue, and some other non-Nerds people playing with them. So I go down to investigate further...one of them definitely looks like Tim, I wonder if Angi's around...and lo and behold, I find Angi sitting near the side watching them. So yay! So I went and said hi to Angi, and the guys were just about finished their game and went to get their stuff from the side as well. It is rather weird seeing people you've seen on TV up close. There was the captain guy, and the guy who thought that they shouldn't have a captain, and the guy with the beer gut. Yeah, I'm very descriptive, I know.

I asked Angi if they still got together on a regular basis to play soccer, and apparently this was the first time they've played since the end of the series, the reason for this meeting was because Honi Soit is doing an article on them or something. Anyway, after a while they all left, and Angi and Tim went to get food, I went with them for a while before leaving to go to my lecture.

So yeah, that was rather unexpected. In a good way though.

*****

On a completely unrelated note, I think I've had an epiphany this week, regarding my life and existence. It probably wouldn't be an epiphany for anyone else, but I feel that I've come to some sort of breakthrough in my thinking. Although the last time I had an epiphany, it didn't last for long and I kinda went back to where I was before. Hopefully it won't be like that again this time.

People are complex.

That is all.